How do you "know" you are Happy/Joyful?

What do people really want?

We conceptually understand the important of goals, values and purpose but on a daily basis we have a sense of wellbeing and we "know" & "feel" when we aren't in harmony and sync with ourselves and others.

A common mistake we make is that we assume that we all want the same thing.

The tendency for people to assume that others think like them is rooted in several psychological and cognitive processes:

1. Projection: This is a psychological defense mechanism where individuals project their own thoughts, motivations, desires, and feelings onto others. It's easier for people to assume others share their viewpoints rather than consider a different perspective.
2. Egocentrism: Particularly in early developmental stages, individuals might believe that their personal experience and perspective are universally shared. While this decreases with age and cognitive development, remnants of this way of thinking can persist into adulthood.
3. Theory of Mind Limitations: Developing a theory of mind involves recognizing that others have thoughts, beliefs, and perspectives different from one's own. Some people might have limitations in this area, leading to the assumption that others share their thoughts and feelings.
4. Lack of Exposure to Diversity: Individuals who have not been exposed to diverse perspectives might not be aware of the extent to which viewpoints can vary. This can lead to the assumption that their way of thinking is the norm.
5. Confirmation Bias: People tend to seek out information and interpretations that confirm their existing beliefs and opinions. This can lead to the assumption that others share these beliefs because contradictory viewpoints are not considered or are dismissed.
6. Social and Cultural Influences: In some social or cultural contexts, there might be a strong norm or pressure to conform to certain viewpoints, leading to the assumption that everyone within that group thinks similarly.
7. Heuristic Simplification: As a cognitive shortcut, it's simpler to assume that others share our views than to constantly evaluate and empathize with differing perspectives. This heuristic can be efficient but often inaccurate.
8. Empathy Gap: Sometimes, it's challenging to fully understand and empathize with experiences or feelings we haven't personally encountered. This gap can lead to the erroneous belief that others must think and feel as we do, simply because we can't easily conceptualize a different perspective.

The thing is that we assume that we all want the same thing but the fact of life is that everyone is different and we all want different things depending on our experience, our age/life stage and background/culture.

While we can generalise that people want the following things in different degrees.

1. Physical Health: Feeling energized, maintaining fitness, and having good physical health.
2. Mental and Emotional Well-being: Seeking happiness, emotional stability, and mental health.
3. Social Connections: Desire to feel connected, have meaningful relationships, and a sense of belonging.
4. Purpose and Meaning: Pursuing a sense of purpose, meaning in life, and personal fulfillment.
5. Confidence and Self-Esteem: Building self-confidence, self-respect, and a positive self-image.
6. Personal Growth and Learning: Lifelong learning, personal development, and intellectual stimulation.
7. Security and Stability: Seeking financial security, job stability, and a safe living environment.
8. Work-Life Balance: Striving for a balance between career and personal life.
9. Achievement and Success: Ambitions for success, achievement, and recognition in personal and professional endeavors.
10. Creativity and Self-Expression: Opportunities for creative expression and showcasing individuality.
11. Adventure and Exploration: Seeking new experiences, travel, and adventure.
12. Love and Intimacy: Desire for romantic relationships, love, and intimacy.
13. Spiritual Fulfillment: Pursuit of spiritual or religious fulfillment, inner peace, and harmony.
14. Contribution and Service: Desire to give back, help others, and make a positive impact on the world.
15. Freedom and Autonomy: Seeking independence, freedom of choice, and autonomy in decisions.
16. Comfort and Leisure: Desiring comfort, leisure, and relaxation in life.
17. Respect and Recognition: Seeking respect, admiration, and recognition from others.
18. Fun and Enjoyment: Pursuit of fun, joy, and entertainment.
19. Equality and Fairness: Desire for equality, justice, and fairness in society.
20. Environmental Harmony: A commitment to sustainability and living in harmony with the environment.

What we find is that what we want changes and its importance changes depending on our age/life stage.

For example in our youth we strive for things like personal growth, achievement, autonomy/freedom, etc (as part of asserting our independence and developing our identity) and once we know who we are we don't pursue it as much in our late adulthood.

While this is not set in stone, and we may have unfulfilled requirements if they were not met earlier, we can use this as a template towards understanding what is important for people.

Once we connect this with people's values and aspirations, we can better understand people and ourselves.

Where are you in your journey now and what is really important to you?