How do you give feedback?

“You are pitiful! Get your @%X@ bat in the right position!” the coach yelled at the 10-year-old boy as he struck out during a little league baseball game. The memory is still in my mind. I was the child being yelled at and humiliated in front of my teammates. No, this incident did not scar me for life. It does serve as a reminder that how we give feedback matters.

When we attack the person instead of addressing the issue, we usually damage the relationship with that person. It is easy to allow our emotions to drive our behavior when we give our opinion or attempt to correct what we believe to be a fault or a shortcoming in someone. Many times, how we respond is significantly more important than what we are saying.

How we give feedback can make or break a relationship. Pounding someone verbally or refusing to engage at all can be detrimental to growing a successful and meaningful relationship. If we truly care about a person, then it is worth developing the discipline to control our emotions and engage in a conversation that will truly benefit the other person.

I like the “Oreo” approach to giving feedback: one positive statement, then constructive feedback, followed by another positive statement. I have used this method many times with good results.

We get to choose how we respond to others. When we give constructive feedback the right way, we will make a difference.

Larry