How do you get what you want?

Leaders have varying styles of relating and managing people. Some I work with are confident in their personal style and others question whether they are as effective or respected as they could be. They wonder if another style might be the “right way” or the only way to be in the C-suite or be a successful #entrepreneur.?

There is not one “right way” to lead. What’s most important is to be authentic to yourself and find what works best for you.

One client thought she was too direct and thought she needed to add more empathy and understanding to her interactions with her team. There is nothing wrong with wanting to grow and being more approachable. The problem is, you can’t just act the part. It wasn’t that she didn’t have #empathy already, it just wasn’t her natural way to be expressive of feelings. When she forced herself to communicate in a different way, it did the opposite of what she wanted – people trusted her less, because she wasn’t being herself. She realized she could be both direct and empathetic and that was #authentic for her, allowing her to be a stronger leader.

One client needs time to reflect and gather his thoughts before responding in a meeting and felt at a disadvantage until he took time to anticipate questions ahead of time to prepare. When new issues arise, he takes the time he needs, Let me think this through for a moment or, I'll look into that and get back to you shortly.

Another client is usually several steps ahead of everyone in a meeting and would jump in before they could catch up, interrupting the flow. He had to learn how to observe, hold back his thoughts and find the right moment to speak in a concise manner that respected and welcomed others' ideas. People started noticing immediately, and asked how he was able to make such a dramatic change.

From an energetic perspective, another way to understand the differences between yourself and others is in the way you use your energy to get your needs met.??

The #enneagram system of personality and development is made up of several triads to both differentiate and find similarities between the types. We’ve looked at the 3 three centers of intelligence, mind, body, heart and their strengths and challenges. Each center has a primary need: body center types need autonomy; head center types need to feel certainty and heart dominant types need to be seen and heard.?

How you manage your energy shows you how your style differs from the leadership style of others. Becoming comfortable with your leadership style gives you greater confidence to be who you are.

As Dr. David Daniels, who was a leading teacher of the enneagram, said, there are three great moves of #energy to get your needs met.?

Do you:?

• move toward people and earn what you need and want,?
• move away from others and try to fulfill your own needs,?
• move against people, demanding what you want??

Each of these moves is powerful when used at the right place and time. One is not better than the other. People who can utilize their energy in all three ways, depending on the situation, have mastery over themselves.

Another client, with an assertive energy style, wanted to add more caring to his results-driven style of #leadership. Over time, he learned how to #listen, take time with others and be interested in their lives outside of work. He tuned in to his own feelings, including painful and sad ones and became willing to be more vulnerable. Eventually, he started receiving feedback and appreciation for being approachable and caring, and realized one of his greatest gifts is helping others to shine. An added bonus, the productivity and results he achieved were multiplied.

By identifying how your energy moves to get your needs met, you gain the power of choice. You can respond differently, depending on what's best for each situation. Sometimes more assertion is necessary and other times taking time to think things over and assess is the smarter move. A knee jerk response can leave you looking insecure rather than competent and confident. Most of all, be comfortable with the natural movement of your energy and your leadership style, growing from there.

I partner with impact driven senior executives and entrepreneurs to help them have greater influence, impact and fulfillment in life and work. Reach out for a conversation.

S'Marie Young | Conscious Leadership Coach (smarieyoung.com)