How do you feel? Going beyond the surface

How often do you get asked the question "how are you"? Probably every day.

Our typical responses are "good", "not bad", "busy", "couldn't be better", "GREAT!"

These default answers allow our conversations to remain at the surface level.

Now, how often are you asked "how are you feeling"?

This question, if answered with authenticity and vulnerability, can bring our conversation to a new depth.

Here's why it is important to look beyond the surface (what is visible) to the depths below the waterline (what is invisible).

Above the waterline

It's easy to identify and observe what is above the surface. Just do a quick LinkedIn/Instagram search of yourself. Anyone can know what you do (job, title, company, brand) and what you have (clothes, car, house, relationships).

It's easy to think that others have it all together when you see they have a better job, bigger house, nicer car, fancier title.

The truth is, there is much more that we cannot see with our naked eye.

Below the waterline

Beneath the surface reveals our method and motivation. Are we acting out of fear or intention? Scarcity or abundance? Love or hate?

It reveals how we really feel. Are we drained or energized? Angry or happy? Frustrated or peaceful?

Let's be honest, opening up and sharing how you REALLY FEEL in your life and career takes courage and vulnerability... even to acknowledge for yourself.

Personal story:

After graduating university I joined KPMG as an accountant. I made it! I got into the Big 4, landed my dream job and got my CPA. On the surface, I had it all. Thousands of students dream of a role in the Big 4 and getting their CPA. Despite the achievements, I was feeling even more lost beneath the surface.

How I did it:

I was working long hours and didn't have much time for my hobbies, relationships, and self-care.

I kept my thoughts to myself initially because everyone else was working hard still.

I did more. I joined more committees, volunteered, and kept myself busy, thinking it would make me feel better.

Why I did it:

I kept doing it to finish my practical experience hours and avoid having to repay my professional fees.

I didn't want to fail so I continued to work hard. Is giving up for failures?

How I felt:

Stressed with all the tight deadlines and demands.

I felt stuck and I was not confident in myself to take a risk to make a change in my career.

I was not motivated to wake up in the morning to go to work.

I neglected my feelings and avoided the depths of my intuitions.

I would tell others, I'm fine. "My situation is not that bad."

All this being said, I was feeling lost and confused. I just could not see myself working that way for the rest of my career.

The Bottom Line

Treat your emotions like important text emails. By not reading them, we may miss some important information. Listening to our emotions can strengthen your clarity, intuition and wisdom. We can make better informed decisions when we take our thoughts and feelings into consideration.

I share this part of my story as a reminder to take a pause to ask ourselves these important questions:

1. What do I like about what I do for work? What do I not like about what I do for work?
2. What do I have that I can let go of? What do I not have that I want?
3. How do I actually feel right now?
4. What currently motivates me? What would I like to be motivated by?
5. What is most important to me? Am I tending to this? If not, what small action can I make right now?

I am mindful that these are loaded questions. They meant to deepen and expand your self-awareness.

I'm happy to chat if you have any questions or would like some feedback.

Feel free to share this article with your network!