How Do You Approach Conflict?

I'm sure we have all found ourselves in high pressure situations at work, for example, a conflict.? This can make us uncomfortable, but in a professional setting, it's as unavoidable as anywhere else. How do you approach conflict??

Take a Deep Breath

One of the things that is helpful to me is to take a deep breath. And I mean, a deeeeeeep breath. If I'm having a conversation with someone and it is becoming more heated than either of us probably would like, breathing helps me accept what is happening. While that all sounds easy enough, I have to remember not to make my breathing sound like exasperation with my colleague. That means no puffing of the cheeks and letting the air out with enough effort and noise to blow up a balloon! Instead, quiet breathing is key here. Still, as the energy continues to rise in the room, even if it's a virtual room, it’s important to take a deep breath and accept the situation. Once I've done that, I really do find myself leaning into the argument.

Engage and Understand

When it comes to an unfolding argument, I don’t shy away, backtrack or take my points back. So in that sense some may view me as a bit confrontational, if not purposely argumentative. I try to engage with the person and understand that they are trying to communicate with me. If I am being honest, though, this part is easier said than done. Leveling with someone during a disagreement and coming to see their perspective is neither natural nor intuitive for me. This particular technique took me years to master and I still slip at times. Slip into wanting what the person is saying to fit my own perception of the two sides of the disagreement, rather than actually hearing them and genuinely seeking to understand.

Honest and Direct

Disagreements or outright arguments at work are tough. On one hand, I want to be diplomatic and conciliatory, I want to be a team player and bring cheer to the conversation. On the other hand, encountering differing viewpoints isn’t less likely at work than anywhere else and so I have to have some tactics at the ready so that the conversation is productive, efficient, and the exchange of viewpoints still takes place. Here’s where honesty and directness become my policy. For example, if someone were to tell me that they are frustrated with the process and that they are not feeling understood, I would be honest and direct and remind them that they cannot insist on being understood without making a serious attempt at adapting their message to their audience. If the person insists in their view that it’s the audience that needs to change and start catching on, I would, again, gently, but firmly, push back and explain that if they're having a hard time explaining their invention, getting their point across, or they're feeling dissatisfied with the process, they have to remember that their audience is just that, their audience. In order to achieve a different outcome - as in, in order to be heard and understood by others, it’s the speaker who holds the power to adapt the way they convey the message, rather than bending the audience to their will. By being honest and honest and direct with the person I am disagreeing with, I look to clearly convey to them all my most important points and hopefully get them to focus on the part they play in getting a better outcome for themselves. In this way, I seek to convey my point directly and clearly without antagonizing the person or putting them on the defensive.?

These are the things I find very, very helpful in conflict resolution.? Take a deep breath and really lean in, follow the thought, and communicate my viewpoints honestly and directly. What do you find helpful in conflict resolution or high tension, high pressure settings? Let's engage in the comments.