How do we manage grief?

I have been meaning to write about Grief for a long time, but always wondered is this the right platform, or shouldn't we ONLY talk about positive and happy things, this is a networking platform, why would we want to burden others with something as sad as grief.

I also write and talk about physical fitness from strength training to conditioning to how folks perceive women who train and on those lines. But I recently had a personal experience of dealing with grief and I thought if I can help even one person to deal with grief in these times, I think its worth it.

We are now at that stage of COVID where now our immediate circle is getting impacted, whether its family or friends. I always thought that Im strong and can deal with emotional and mental stress but was I wrong and how! I had to come face to face with anxiety, stress and sheer desperation when a close friend (all of 38) was admitted, a group of us with her family went hunting for meds, tried to understand what is going wrong and why her parameters are not improving and then when we chatted with her (using thumbs up and down as she had her bi-pap on) we had hopes she'll be recovering. After 20 days in ICU she went on the ventilator and then there was no coming back and finally on May 22nd in the morning she passed away leaving behind her family of parents, husband and an 8 yr old daughter.

I remember screaming the night before when I heard she was on terminal drugs now and its a matter of time when she will go away from us. It hit me hard. Till then I had this HUGE thing called HOPE in me, the word terminal drugs left me very angry. I refused to believe that it could happen to her. Next morning when her BP was in 20s, my mind is asking the doctor what next, what can be done, refusing to accept that she could just slip away like this!

We are talking about a very healthy, active, bubbly, positive woman who we lost. The next few days were in a daze as I oscillated between denial, grief and some veneer of normalcy. I plunged myself in work, numbers, stats and blocked the thought. And then suddenly the anger and disbelief would return, and then some days/nights I would hug my own 8 year old and start crying.

I realised something very surreal, acceptance comes to everyone at different stages. You never move on and one should not ask those left behind to move on. Where will they move on? They remain here. But yes we all become different. Hopefully different in a better way but not what we were earlier. Grief stays with you. Sometimes it recedes and sometimes it overwhelms you. You accept that. You also accept that while the grief stays, you grow around it.

I wont say I have "Managed" grief. Im still processing and I dont think so it will ever be same. I still talk to her, gossip with her about our school shenanigans and also get upset with her for not staying and fighting hard enough. But the journey is continuous and its tough in the beginning and then it begins to grow on you. As human beings we are survivors, we look at ways to survive. We also have a beautiful emotion called HOPE within all of us. Hope that one day things will change, one day all this will get over. You keep walking and look at the world ahead with eyes still possibly moist and heart still hurting but you don't stop walking. You keep doing you.

This is what is helping me to manage the loss and the sadness. I hope all/anyone who is reading this doesn't forget that there is HOPE and this too shall pass.

PS: Im not sharing her name and photographs out of respect for the family. But those who know me well in person know where to find more about her on my other Social Media handles.