How do we get through this?

Over the last week I have been wondering why self-isolation or shielding for 12 weeks doesn't seem to have bothered me or my family. The idea of being stuck in our home for a long period of time has not been discussed at all, nor have we put a schedule together or tried to work out ways to not get bored. I came to the conclusion that this was because of what we have had to do in our lives before we got here.

Background

Sixteen years ago, my husband and I opened our first retail business. We were excited and confident that we could do great things and we were already looking at a second unit. Then I found out that I was pregnant with our second child. Our adorable 5 year old daughter was over the moon and we had everything planned to within an inch of our lives; maternity leave, nursery schools, childcare after junior school and working hours for both of us.

Our second daughter arrived three weeks early just before Christmas. Three weeks later we were sat in a hospital being told that she had a congenital renal condition that meant that she would live between three weeks and three months and we should go and enjoy her for however long she had; but they would arrange for us to have a second opinion if we chose. The day our life fell apart was 7th January 2005. However, it was also the day we learned how important hope and self belief is.

At around 10pm on the same day, our wonderful consultant at the Evelina Children's Hospital in London (it was still at Guy's Hospital at the time), told us that our daughter was the 12th child they had with this condition at the hospital. Out of the 11 they had treated, 9 were alive and functioning fully but she would need a kidney transplant. Suddenly the odds of our daughter surviving went up from 0% to 82%.

That is Hope!

We decided in that moment that we were going to make everything happen. Our daughter would survive this and live, as much as possible, a normal life and have the same opportunities given to her as our other daughter. We would find a way to have a fully functioning family life and a fully functioning business.

That is Self- Belief!

I also grew up in a very spiritual and religious family where your faith was not something that was displayed in ceremonies and taboos. It was closely guarded inside you - an intangible reality that was part of your everyday thought and life. I was told by my grandfather on more than one occasion: " The hardest thing in life is being human and it is the only thing that separates us from animals. If you can be a human then God is happy with you. Prayers mean nothing if you act like an animal"

That is Faith!

The Journey

Fast forwarding to today, we have two daughters we are incredibly proud of and who absolutely adore each other;

Our eldest is an amazing young lady who is tough but gentle, focused and determined but kind and empathetic. She knows where she is going and has mapped out her journey but knows to be adaptable and change her journey to get to her end point if necessary. She puts her targets ahead of her pleasure but still seems to have plenty of time to do everything. I wish I had her time management skills and her unwavering drive. She is also there whenever we all need her.

The youngest is a tough but sensitive 15 year old teenager who has gone to hell and back but with the broadest smile on her face. She is unfailingly polite to everyone (parents excluded) and is the most quietly determined person I know. If she has put her mind to something she will keep on going until she falls off the cliff, even when it means her body slows her down. She has defied the odds time and time again and disproved all the naysayers. My incredibly talented, artistic daughter will succeed in this world because she will never give up, just adapt to new circumstances.

We didn't quite get everything right with our first retail business. We didn't know how to juggle the day to day pressures of a new business with the ever changing life decisions we had to make regarding our daughters' health; the mental health of our eldest and physical health of our youngest. We got through this but when we sold the business in 2010, it was a relief. We could rest and concentrate on just one thing for a little while. It gave us a chance to restore our strength and recover our equilibrium before starting on the business journey again.

However, the journey to today was a journey in resilience for all of us. As a family we are made up of optimists, pessimists and realists. This means that we all have a different outlook on the outcome of any given situation but together we navigate a way forward. We have also learned to plan, plan and plan again.

We plan for the things that don't change like everyday routines, doing the food shopping and cooking meals, paying bills, doing our laundry, cleaning the house etc. You know what I mean. Even when things are falling apart around we still need to eat and sleep and normal life still goes on. If you can plan for this and do it on automatic pilot then life is easier.

We plan for the unexpected hospital visits; we all have toiletry bags permanently packed; we have medicines and all related paperwork in one place; we have hospital clothes, shoes and items for entertainment and work all listed; we even used to have our hospital food bag with tea bags, coffee and even our mugs at one point. We still call those mugs our hospital mugs and think of M&S ready meals as hospital food.

We plan what will happen on the home front and in the business while we are in hospital. In the early days, it was how would our eldest be looked after. We had long conversations with her school about the process if we had to go to hospital. We had an army of people - family, friends and employees - helping us and stepping in with military precision to make it work.

So why I am I telling you this? We have inadvertently had to practice for scenarios where things seem to be falling apart. We didn't choose to but it has certainly helped with our business and personal planning for COVID-19.

In January 2020, we started talking about what preparations we had to make in case of a pandemic. We knew that we would self-isolate even if that wasn't where this country ended up. When you have died a thousand deaths making sure that your child lives without external forces in play, then you know that you will do anything to keep them safe. You don't care what parents of healthy children say. They have the luxury of not really knowing the things you, your child and your family really go through both physically and mentally. I know that none of us in our family are the same as we were when we started this journey. I won't speak for the rest of them, but I no longer care about other people's opinions and am outspoken when I never was before. I have laughed and joked my way around every problem because humour is a wonderful shield and allows you to look at the issues that have arisen in a more objective manner. I have also learned that the people that surround you with the right kind of support are priceless and worth more than any fortune. Loyalty, genuine support and understanding are sadly underrated in both business and in personal life.

In February, my husband put up shelves in our garage and we stocked up on groceries such as lentils, spices, tinned goods, rice and flour. We did buy a bit of pasta and alcohol but really didn't think about toilet rolls. We stocked up on medicines for my daughter and myself (I have rheumatoid arthritis) and bought some paracetemol and ibuprofen.

We also started preparing our business by producing a full Business Continuity Plan. We had in place the different scenarios that could occur, what resources we would need, what our funding issues would be and what the solutions may be. We got all the resources our staff would need in place and we probably scared them a bit by telling them that they had to have stocks of disinfectant, hand wash and gloves ordered and delivered as soon as possible. By the beginning of March, our bank, insurance company and suppliers had seen our plan and we had already started conversations with our bank about what our possible funding requirements would be and when.

My daughter and I went into our own lockdown with the rest of our family on 16th March 2020, a full week before the official lockdown. Our older daughter came home from university early because she knew that her sister needed to be safeguarded and she was either going to be home before things got bad or she would not be coming home at all until it was over.

We tend to work from home a lot anyway so that hasn't changed for me or my husband but our management team were put on high alert and told to prepare. They had completed risk assessments for themselves, their sites and their direct lines - 86 people in total. They spoke with all staff members who were vulnerable and at risk and put in plans for them to either self-isolate or shield. We put in new rotas depending on a reduction in staff numbers and we continuously talked to everyone about thinking about themselves and their health first. The most wonderful and gratifying comments were from people who were shielding themselves.

"We don't want to leave you in the lurch!"

That kind of commitment to the general good comes from having a company ethos of caring about the whole. We have always and will always work as a team where I am only the conductor but the orchestra has the biggest and most important part to play. The sound you get would not be great if they weren't all in sync and playing from the same song sheet.

We are worried about where the business will be at the end of this but we know that we have tried our hardest to predict and pre-empt the issues that we are all facing. All we can do now is amend, iterate and adapt where necessary and trust that all of us will find a way out. We are realistic about the dangers, but have put in place the worst case scenario and worked with our bank and staff to try and mitigate that.

We now need to proceed with hope, self-belief, grit and a large dose of faith.

Why self-isolation does not bother us!

So why doesn't self-isolation faze any of us? Over the last 15 years, I cannot tell you how many times my daughter has been put into isolation rooms. She has had more than 30 surgeries and what are normal infections for most people, mean a hospital visit for her and then sometimes isolation rooms so that she doesn't spread what she has to the other vulnerable children.

Being in hospital is a bit like being in isolation anyway because you can't really go anywhere while your child is the hospital bed. We sleep on a pull down bed next to them and make our food in the communal ward kitchen. When you are in an isolation room, you don't see anyone other than nurses, doctors and your immediate family. There is no or very poor internet or mobile connection in those rooms so you have to find your own entertainment whilst sitting on a hard bench.

I have become a master of those isolation rooms and the hospital scenario along with all my fellow parents. We go into a Zen zone, if you like, where our mindset changes.

We know that no amount of complaining, shouting or crying is going to change the outcome so we may as well resign ourselves to it and enjoy the little things in life.

The little things in life are having a conversation with a nurse you don't know or catching up with a nurse you do know; realising that you can watch a whole downloaded box set without feeling guilty that you haven't done something else; catching up on reading, meditating, exercising; actually talking to your children; appreciating a good meal. Generally it is an exercise in resetting your priorities and learning to stop thinking about what you want and appreciating what you really need.

My point is?

I started this by wondering why self-isolation hasn't bothered me or my family. This self-isolation is a luxury compared to those who are really having to isolate; those patients who do not have their loved ones around them while they fight this virus; those families who can't be with those loved ones in our ICU wards; those families who have lost dear ones without being able to say goodbye to them; our NHS and other care workers who are leaving their homes so they can continue to care for other without endangering their loved ones even though they get their strength and comfort from them.

I, however, am in my own home, my own bed with my own food. I can watch what I like on TV, work on my laptop and even play games on my tablet. I have a garden to go out in and for the first time, I actually have my WHOLE family with me in isolation. We may run out of things to do in week 12, but if I do then it is my fault. Our ancestors lived simple lives and they did not know they could get bored. I will find something to do! Our biggest threat is that we will forget to be nice to each other.

I know that we are in a different place to people who are in this situation for the first time, and practice has made us perfect, but I do not think that reading about conspiracy theories or spending hours worrying about the effects of vaccines with anti-vaxxers helps.

You need Hope that this time will pass by quickly, the Self-belief that you are able to stay calm and happy during this time and the Faith that in the end we will all be alright!