How Do Leaders Manage The Room?

The holiday season gives an opportunity to renew old friendships and strengthen family ties – we all feel blessed to have so many amazing people in our lives.

However, in these super-sized gatherings, there are always a few individuals, who cause us to shudder with revulsion. They simply seem to “rub us up the wrong way” and no matter how many months or years have passed, the effect never seems to diminish. The strange thing is that our partners never seem to think that they are that annoying – they don’t understand, they just don’t get it! 

The thing is that interpersonal relationships are highly complex beasts. Everyone has their individual preferences, and it is rare that everyone in the room will be positively disposed towards you.

In the festive season, most people turn a blind eye with the solace that the discomfort is only temporary, but even this fragile harmony can be shattered by a misplaced phrase or smirk. We’ve all been there….

Moving to the office setting, any leader has a much more demanding job on his or her hands. They have to coax and motivate each and every member of their team, every day of the year, whatever the business weather, and no matter how steep the climb. They have the same 5-25 people in a room on a regular basis, and they have to navigate their way through the potential minefields of discord. 

For a leader to test (and regulate) the temperature of the group, they have to develop a radar system that can pick up on the slightest change in the team dynamic and then react accordingly. 

Just as a family host might sense that the game of charades is starting to get a little boring, or that the kids are starting to get slightly boisterous, a leader must sense changes in the reactions of his team to a certain situation and manage it before things grow out of control. There are many platitudes about this phenomenon, but maybe none better than “keeping their hand on the tiller.” If there is an iceberg looming on the horizon, the sooner that you react, the better the chances of taking evasive action.

When a leader is “in tune” with the dynamics of the relationships within the room, they can anticipate and pre-empt discussions before they even occur. They might know that two individuals would have different views on a certain topic, so rather than give them the opportunity to make it personal, a good leader will “own” the issue themselves and sidestep the personal conflict. 

A great leader should also be prepared to adapt. Rather than be the frog in gradually boiling water, they need to change their plans before it is too late. The key to this lies in their perception of who owns the “agenda.” It they see any activity as their personal project, they will be more precious when it comes to changes. If they genuinely view every activity as a “team” activity, they will involve everyone that little bit more and be that bit more open to input from everyone. When the wider team is involved, they will be sure to pull a leader out of the rapidly-heating water before it gets too hot.

The last idea is that the best leaders sit back and to an extent let the room manage itself. Yes, they keep a hand on the tiller, but they save their interventions for crucial moments rather than actively steer the ship themselves. A high-functioning team can perform the “auto-pilot” function perfectly well, but only if they are given the chance to do so (and to make the occasional mistake). A room that manages itself is motivated by doing what is best for the group, and the leader can sit back (to an extent) and gain a dispassionate viewpoint.

So, I hope that your holidays have been enjoyable, and that if you had to “manage” a group of relatives, you were able to understand the undercurrents of the group, steer them towards the right activities and away from the sensitive topics. Above all, though, I hope that your guests were able to have fun amongst themselves – that, after all, is what this time of year is all about.

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