How do I step back without falling back?

Dear Karyn

I know I'm burning out (thanks for your masterclass. I think!). I hear all your great advice about carving out time, negotiating more realistic expectations with my boss etc etc but honestly, how can I be sure doing all these things won't just give him the message I'm not up to the job? I've worked freaking hard to get where I am and I don't want him or anybody else deciding I can't cope with the pressure and sidelining me. I've already missed out on a promotion that should have been mine if I'd had more time to prepare for the interview. You've put the fear of god into me about burning out but I just don't think I can do what you've suggested to do. I can't afford to go backwards.

Sorry!

MH

Dear MH

No need for apology and certainly not to me. It's hard enough admitting to yourself you're burning out, let alone admitting it to others, particularly if — as I'm reading between the lines here — you can't rely on a supportive response from your boss.

But my love, here's the thing. Burnout doesn't make allowances for unsupportive bosses, or for ambitions for promotion, or for fear or embarrassment or other people's judgements or anything else. It just gives you a few warnings and then wallops you for not paying attention. And if it discovers you paying attention and not taking action, it wallops you even harder (because then you get servings of guilt and regret to flavour your breakdown).

But I understand the conundrum, especially about communicating with your boss.

What if, instead of making the conversation about whether or not his expectations of you are realistic, you made it about guaranteed quality outcomes?

If you're able to identify a few of your to-do items that you know are less important for your organisation's outcomes and which are nevertheless adding to your stress and workload, is it possible to say something like this:

"Boss, there's no doubt I COULD get all of this done but A, B, C projects are so important to the team's indicators, I want to be sure I'm giving them the time and attention they deserve.

"With these deadlines and the extra demands of x, y, z projects, I'm worried I or one of the other team members will miss something and you won't get the result you need.

"Would it be okay with you if we deferred x, y, z or perhaps assigned them to somebody else while I put my focus fully on A, B, C?"

You can rewrite this script to fit your circumstances and your own language; the key point is to focus on the results your boss wants you to achieve rather than the burnout you want to avoid (or avoid him finding out about). What this script does is

• reassure your boss you have his interests and agenda top of mind,
• demonstrate you're thinking through potential risks, and
• provide him with some smart options that
• alleviate your workload and stressors while ensuring his successful outcomes

all without mentioning stress, overwhelm, workload, burnout, unreasonable expectations or anything else you worry will have him lose faith in you.

This is only one strategy, MH, and it might not meet your needs precisely, but it's a script that many of my executive clients are refining for their own burnout prevention conversations.

Try it and let me know how you go — or if you need some coaching around the specifics of your situation, jump into my LinkedIn profile and book a call with me.

Much love to you,

Karyn x

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