How Do I Keep My Joy When Grieving?

WONDER [ in ] THE ADVENTURE… think about that for a moment.?

When we lose someone, it is very tempting to let ourselves slip into an oblivion of nothingness in hopes to never have disappointment, but the foundation for this “School of Thought” is to never do anything so you don’t get the consequence of defeat or being defeated any more than you already feel…

This is a slippery slope and can take a mile when you think an inch will do, but there’s an appetite behind this School of Thought and, take it from someone who has gone through it before, but here’s what I mean…

I remember the week prior seeing my dad and then getting ready to go on the family vacation we always used to do with my mom and siblings. We had stopped half way in Iowa because that drive from Alabama to Iowa is 12 hours straight, even though mom could knock it out in a day herself, she had 3 other folks to think about so we always stopped in Illinois as a halfway point to rest overnight.?

Grandmas would always call when we were on the way because they were so so happy we were coming, but THIS MORNING was going to be the morning that changed everything for myself and my family.

I hung the first call up from my Grandma Wenger had called my phone early in the morning 2x in a row, and I sent them to voicemail because I wanted to wake up and get ready for the day before calling her back with morning breath, sounding like a chainsaw when I woke up.?

Immediately afterwards, my mom’s phone rings and she SCREAMS, and runs out of the room. She is pacing in the parking lot and I thought nothing of it, so I get ready after not being able to go back to sleep. Getting breakfast, I listen to the voicemail my Grandma left sharing how the police found my dad, murdered in his home.?

…my heart immediately goes numb and I think back to the day I saw him last and how I knew something wasn’t right on that Friday prior to us leaving to Iowa for our family vacation. I remember debating whether to go see him or not, and I am beyond grateful I decided to follow my gut instinct to go see him, despite everything else going on.?

When delivering a message at his funeral, I felt a duty to rewrite history and make sure his legacy was not stained with the memories of bad, but to report what I experienced, as his son, who reached back out to him and believed in him even if he didn’t. I remember learning how to see the potential in my dad and treating him in proportion of what I expected him to live up to. I would never degrade him, but I had boundaries in place that would force him to behave a way if he ever wanted anything to do with me.?

Talk about some negotiation right??

Well, technically, that’s exactly what I had to do and it was incredibly difficult in the beginning but became easier with practice. However, it always starts within ourselves first, becoming the healthiest version of ourselves first. When you can enjoy an adventure, you tend to convert from a swamp to a channel of water, you go from feeling stagnant to feeling free again.?

Sometimes, our lack of boundaries with others can suck our souls dry because people will treat us how we teach them and they will always do things until you let them know, otherwise. Without boundaries in place, especially after losing someone, it can spin you down into a spiral that’s not impossible to get out of, but just like they say about planting a tree…?

The best time to plant a tree is 20 years ago… AND today. One of the silent killers of excitement, joy, and dreams is a lack of boundaries between people. Sometimes it can be incredibly hard to put a boundary down for a fear of losing someone, entirely, however YOU are the most important person here and those who respect boundaries will stand by you.?

When it comes to living your dreams, discovering what you love to do, or just rediscovering joy again - don’t put a parameter on it and try to expect it a certain way. Enjoy the adventure and learn to enjoy being still.?

The wonder of the adventure is directly connected to our ability to enjoy ourselves. After we lose someone, the top thing we can do for the person who is no longer with us is to help their legacy live on by living what they poured into us. THAT is something you DO have in the palm of your hands right now is to help carry on the legacy they poured into you while they were here.?

Now, it’s your turn to carry the baton from them to those who need YOU to show up and be present. Just be ok with where you are and know that everything you are going through is building you into what is to come.?

You are an incredible person, BUT… act accordingly, my friend.