How do I find more meaning in life?
Angela Raspass
Innovative Small Business Strategist & Self-Leadership Mentor & Coach | Author | Speaker | Unlock Clarity, Confidence, and Sustainable Success for Your Next Chapter | ? ADHD Powered! ?
How do I find more meaning in life? Am I on purpose? These are not questions to be dismissed as navel-gazing and unimportant – “first world problems”. They are active enquiries that need to be directed internally to ensure you live a life of fulfilment, so you don’t face debilitating regrets in the future.
In 2012 an Australian palliative care nurse, Bronnie Ware, released a book that captured worldwide attention.
Titled?“The top 5 regrets of the dying” , the book was the culmination of thoughts shared by a wide range of people in their final 12 weeks of life. Bronnie observed there were common themes that her patients returned to again and again which were:
Whilst I believe all of these expressed regrets can be related back to the idea of living a meaningful life, it’s the first one that most aligns with our natural search for meaning and purpose.
Bronnie shared?“This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made”.
Meaning in life goes beyond happiness
Positive psychology studies human thoughts, feelings, and behaviour, with a focus on strengths?instead of weaknesses, building the good in life instead of repairing the bad. We look at how to facilitate flourishing as opposed to simply living without mental illness. At the heart of flourishing is our natural, internal drive to find meaning and purpose in our lives. Meaning goes beyond happiness, which is most often found in the present.
Researchers?Baumeister?and?Aaker?suggest that meaning is about connecting the past, present and future, proposing purpose, value, efficacy, and self-worth as our four needs for meaning.
Perhaps then, a sense of “positive pervasive purposefulness” is what we each seek? Perhaps each of us is consistently engaged in a cognitive dance, even unconsciously asking:
What “makes meaning” in life for you?
Defining what meaning actually?is?is difficult as every individual has a different personal perspective. However, as with the grounded, anecdotal research of Bronnie Ware, common themes that show how vital a sense of meaning and purpose are emerging from formal research.
If one of our aims is to have people reach the end of their lives with less regret and more satisfaction and peace, that’s eminently worthwhile. To be able to provide people with insights and tools to make different choices to align themselves with more meaningful and purposeful lives on a daily basis is thus, invaluable. And to provide ways to imbue more meaning into a life where fewer choices for change are available to an individual is essential.
Apart from avoiding a sense of regret as we approach the end of our lives, which in and of itself is pretty important, why else is meaning and purpose so vital? How about improved health and well-being? Long term studies of the Blue Zones of the world, where people are extraordinarily long-living and healthy, have indicated that purpose has always played a major role in this well-being. It’s also believed that the strong sense of purpose possessed by older Okinawans may act as a buffer against stress and help reduce overall inflammation, in turn lowering the chances of suffering from Alzheimer’s disease, arthritis, and stroke.
A sense of purpose helps you live a longer, and healthier, life
Dr Robert Butler, the first director of the National Institute on Aging in the US and collaborators led a study in 2014 that looked at the correlation between having a sense of purpose and longevity. The study found that individuals who expressed a clear goal in life, something to get up for in the morning, something that they felt made a difference, lived longer and were mentally sharper than those who did not.
Thus, the research arm of positive psychology that investigates meaning and purpose takes the hedonistic, happy side of life into deeper territory. The major sources of meaning converge in what I see as a?meaning mosaic. Meaning is both a socially and individually constructed experience – we are not islands, and our sense of meaning is inextricably influenced by our ties to others and the communities and cultures we experience as well as our personal values, goals and strengths.
This concept of our community ties and their contribution to our sense of wellbeing and meaning is more deeply explored by researcher?Corey Keyes?who defines social well-being as?an individual’s self-report of the quality of his or her relationship with other people, the neighbourhood, and the community. Social integration, social contribution, coherence, actualisation and acceptance are crucial factors that combine to influence our sense of belonging and contribution, feelings strongly aligned with meaning and purpose.
Is there a checklist for a life of meaning and purpose in life?
Beyond social well-being, is there a “checklist” of activities that will ensure we feel and experience more meaning in our lives and therefore reap the rewards?
Reker and Wong?define meaning as “cognisance of order, coherence and purpose in one’s existence, the pursuit and attainment of worthwhile goals and an accompanying sense of fulfilment”.
They have indeed, identified major sources of meaning that vary from meeting our basic biological needs to the higher needs of growth and transcendence, in an evolution of Maslow’s well-known Hierarchy of Needs.
This is a lengthy list for good reason, human life is rich and complex. But rather than viewing it as a checklist of necessary experiences, we can consider it as concepts to explore through our personal life lens. This is where awareness of your own values and strengths is invaluable as this allows you to prioritise your focus based on what is most meaningful for you and to create a more balanced life experience, helping you to consider ways and opportunities to address emotional gaps.
Is there a scale for wellbeing?
Researchers have developed Wellbeing scales that can help us to ascertain our level of satisfaction, sense of meaning and purpose. Carol Ryff’s Scales of Psychological Well-Being has been developed from her theory and model and specifically focuses on measuring multiple facets of psychological well-being.
An embodied sense of worthiness, an acceptance of yourself is a key element in the Psychological Wellbeing model of Carol Ryff, who lists Self-Acceptance – the need to have a positive self-regard, as the first attribute in her model. I believe that developing an enduring sense of meaning and purpose is not possible without a healthy, positive and evolving sense of self-worth.
Thus, developing your sense of self as having innate, unique worth and capable of contributing to the world in a way that aligns with what’s most important to you and leverages your unique skills, experiences and interests is the starting point for our “search for meaning”. This is developed at the intersection of understanding your own values, strengths and internal drives, the combination that creates the framework and then adds colour, robustness and focus to your own sense of purpose and meaning.
As the incomparable Viktor Frankl, the creator of logotherapy (an approach that focuses on individuals’ search for meaning) said in his seminal work, Man’s Search for Meaning:
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“A human always points, and is directed, to something or someone, other than oneself – be it a meaning to fulfil or another human being to encounter. The more one forgets himself – by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love – the more human he is and the more he actualises himself”
Once you have explored and identified your own values and strengths (the?VIA Institute ?is a great, free place to start) and feel some adjustments are needed to realign yourself with a deeper sense of purpose and meaning, the PURE Model for meaning based self-regulation and decision making is another very useful research tool.
I utilise it as a checklist for my own decision making since learning about it in my Positive Psychology Diploma studies at the Langley Institute.
The PURE Model for decision making
PURPOSE:
Our sense of reason for being, the contribution we are here to make in our lifetime, focused within a vision and brought to life through the healthy pursuit of goals and personal growth. This is seen as the motivational component of the model – what drives us forward, to act.
UNDERSTANDING:
Our sense of the world around us and our experiences within in. Who we and others are, the environment in which we operate, the bigger picture of the world and our role within it. We seek clarity and understanding and thus, this is referred to as the cognitive aspect of the model.
RESPONSIBLE ACTION:
This is where the rubber meets the road – we need to now DO something, consider solutions and make choices, act, ensuring the actions we choose take are in alignment with our beliefs and values – what feels right. This, therefore, is meaningful action, purposeful action, not action for the sake of it and hopefully, not influenced by “should’s” or “musts” . This is the behavioural aspect of the model.
EVALUATION:
Much as the model asks us to consider our thoughts, options and subsequent actions, it also asks us to then reflect again, to evaluate the results of those actions. What has happened? How do we feel about it? Are we emotionally connected and fulfilled? If not, can we use this new understanding to make different choices? These are the emotional and happiness components of the model.
How might you use this model as a decision-making tool that complements the concept of increasing meaning in your life?
Let’s look at it through the lens of leaving a job or changing the direction of your business – if you feel that decision would provide the opportunity to pursue more meaningful, purposeful work.
You might ask yourself:
I see the PURE model as a compass of sorts. Building and renovating a life using the PURE concept can lead to a feeling of deep joy and fulfilment.?The self-reflection, evaluation and self course-correction that are needed to empower the PURE process across your lifespan helps you to create an environment of growth and meaning.
How am I using the theories of meaning in my own work and life?
I’ve recently been prompted to re-examine my own values and strengths and investigate whether they are embedded in my life and work.
My core values are:
And my key strengths are:
Armed with this knowledge, and an understanding from?Baumeister ?that “purposiveness changes with ageing” (you begin to be aware of the time remaining and can develop a greater sense of urgency), I’ve been taking some of that time to look more closely at the levels of motivation and fulfilment I feel on a daily basis, as they’ve certainly dropped.
The PURE model from?Paul Wong?is helping me ask the important questions of myself that may fuel the action of change.
The sources of meaning list from?Reker and Wong?is helping me to explore areas of my life that I may have neglected and that could, if addressed, enrich my sense of meaning.
And perhaps most importantly, I am leaning heavily into the Psychological Wellbeing model of?Carol Ryff?to recognise my increasing levels of self-acceptance and self-worth that opens the door to a sense of autonomy in thought and action – throwing away the entrepreneurial rulebook and creating my own path forward that I know, without a doubt, is in the greatest service of others.
I’m here to help others believe in themselves more so they can develop and pursue their own dreams.
A life that is imbued with meaning and purpose for me, is one where I use my emotional awareness, experiences, insight and formal learning to reconnect people with their own self-worth. It’s one where I can ensure kindness and optimism are woven into my work and everyday actions and one where gratitude fuels me.
What is it for you? It may be time to start the exploration for you too. Our Rise Program has purpose and meaning built into its core in the ANCHOR process –?you can read more here .
Photo by?Mohamed Nohassi ?on?Unsplash