how do I feel today.........?

It's Monday, almost 11 am and I had my first drink of brandy and coke Saturday evening to find out if it has the same affect as it used to have ?.......I should also mention it's been almost 2 years since my last and I'm just getting over the sickness it caused me......I had to test my mental strength and decided after spending all day yesterday in bed and being physically sick it opened my eyes to the reason I gave it up in the first place....lol

The truth is when I stand in front of a group of teenagers and tell my story you can see the lack of interest behind their eyes (as I did when I was their age) and because their so young they lack experience and cannot see what we as adults see.......so I have to decide what will work and relating to their lifestyle helps me talk to them in their own language and time will help them understand and visualize my talk but consistency is crucial to their development so me telling them I got pissed or stoned or both at least gets some interest started and then it's my job to keep them interested........

So how do I feel right now...........? Still looking for things to do but if you've spent time in a prison cell banged up all day then walking the streets at least gives you fresh air and a chance at something.......I do feel like that when I'm indoors on my own but drinking and drug abuse kills your enthusiasm to motivate yourself................I will be back...........