How do deal with difficult people:

Hey ,

I’ve dealt with a few challenging co workers in my career…and each experience took a large toll on me.

Sometimes it was a client…

sometimes it was a co worker…

and sometimes it was my manager.

Unfortunately, toxic environments can be out of our control - no matter how much you research a job in advance, you don’t have the ability to know who you’ll be working with…and that can all change at any point.

With the right tools, however; you can diffuse a situation and improve your working environment in any circumstance.

Today I’m excited to share all that I’ve learned from my experience on this topic in the hopes that you too can use these techniques to improve your situation in your career wherever you find yourself.

What We’re Going to Talk About

1. Working with Someone Difficult Takes it’s Toll

2. How to Improve Your situation

3. Be the Change You Want to See

Looking for some extra help?

I have an amazing team of Finance & Accounting staff who are ready to help you and your business

Here's are a few ways in which we can help:

Month End Close

Accounts Payable

Payroll

Invoicing

Forecasting / FP&A

Compliance / Taxes

Click here to learn more

Working with Someone Difficult Takes it’s Toll

Most of us work 40 hours a week, or rather 8 hours a day.

We aim for 8 hours of sleep, which leaves for 8 hours of non work activity…

but often times we’ll either work more than 40 hours in a week…or we’ll commute…or think about work outside of work.

Needless to say, what we do for a living is a big part of our identity (though it should not be the only part!).

When you work with someone challenging, it not only affects 1/3rd of your weekday…

it can affect your peace of mind after work.

It can affect your relationship with your loved ones.

It can affect your confidence and overall mental health.

This is especially true if you find it challenging to work with your manager, as now you not only have to deal with a challenging person, but you also are at risk of losing out on the opportunity for promotion if things don’t improve.

Before we talk about potential solutions, just know that if you are experiencing this in your career, it is a very normal thing.

Odds are, if you find someone challenging to work with, there are other people in your company who feel similarly.

Just knowing that you are not alone, and what you are experiencing is normal can make a huge difference.

Generally, the more you develop your skillset, the larger the opportunities for managing others, and the less of a vulnerability you have to working with a difficult colleague (though the threat always exists).

How to improve your situation

There’s a lot of advice that I’ve come across on how to improve a situation where you work with someone challenging. Here’s what I’ve gathered over the years:

1. Do not play the victim You may very well be the victim in this situation, but that isn’t an excuse for playing one. Your job is to make your managers life easier, and your managers job is to make their managers life easier all the way till you get up the executives of the company. Complaining about someone else’s actions without a proposed solution shows your manager that you don’t have what it takes to independently solve your own problems, which is a big red flag for anyone trying to get far in their career. As we’ll talk about shortly, there are times where it is important to signal to someone in the company what you are experiencing, but this does not mean you should hold off on trying to improve this situation on your own. Be a leader, and take responsibility for finding a solution to your problem without relying on someone else to do the job for you.
2. If you don’t do something, then odds are nothing will change There’s a good chance that whoever you are working with who is causing you friction is either not aware of the pain they are causing you, or they don’t have enough of a reason to change. One way to ensure things remain the same is by not doing anything about it. While it may be uncomfortable to bring up, I suggest you find the right words to express to this person how you feel in a non combative way. Attack the problem, and not the person. Use examples like “I work best when ___” or “it can be challenging for me whenever ___ happens”, without naming them as the aggressor. The best time for sharing this feedback is when you are in private with this person, whether that be during a weekly check in, or a quarterly review. If the person you are working with doesn’t manage you directly, it can help if you ask to meet with them 1 on 1 to share how you’re feeling. While it may be uncomfortable, you are way more likely to improve the situation by bringing it to their attention.
3. Notify those who matter If you are experiencing friction with someone, you need to protect yourself from having your reputation damaged if the wrong story gets out to your manager, or your bosses boss. While it’s suggested to not play the victim, I’ve found it beneficial to inform those who are in charge of your career development exactly what is happening, and let them know that you are working through this and will keep them updated as things progress. This protects you from being wrongfully assessed with the wrong story that this person may be sharing, and shows your manager that you have the ability act as a leader with a challenging situation.
4. Do not stoop to their level This is a really important one. You may be tempted to match this persons tone or attitude if you feel disrespected. Don’t fall into this trap. The only thing you’ll be doing is giving them more ammunition to continue with their behavior, and more of a story to share if things get worse for how you’ve acted unprofessionally.

Be the Change You Want to See

You may be at a place in your career where you haven’t had the chance to manage others yet.

Every time you witness something you don’t enjoy about the way you are being treated, take note of what it is and how you will avoid making that same mistake with others.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of criticizing your manager for doing a poor job in managing you, but it’s important to remember just how challenging of a job it can be to manage someone…

on the one hand you have to praise your direct reports and raise their spirits, while on the other hand you have to show them what they are missing in order to advance in their career…

that’s a delicate balance!

If someone comes to you explaining that they are dealing with a challenging coworker, make sure that they are heard, but avoid the trap of solving the problem for them.

Instead, empower them to take action to solve the problem on their own. As the saying goes, give a man a fish and you feed him for a day…teach a man how to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.

Sometimes…there just isn’t a way to escape a toxic environment.

It may come time for you to find another job, or switch departments.

I’m a big believer that the people who you work with play such a big role in your career, that even the best jobs can be a disaster with the wrong people, and vice versa.

What has your experience been with working with challenging people?

And do you have any suggestions to share?

I’d love to hear them.

Enjoy your weekend and speak to you next week!