How To Ditch Your Inner Critic

We all have them, those voices in our heads.

The inner critics, the gremlins, the mind monkeys, the inner mean girls… whatever you call them, they’re there.

Saying things like:

You can’t possibly do that…

You should do this instead…

It’s nowhere near good enough…

What will they think…

If only you could…

This will never work…

What were you thinking…

These voices love to have their say. 

They’re like kids, or pets, always vying for attention. They want us to feed them, and make them stronger by listening to them… and we give them exactly what they want.

These voices are so deeply ingrained in the psyche that we barely realise they’re there… but answer me this:

What does your inner critic have to say for itself?

Try this little experiment for the next couple of hours:

Pay attention to when those negative voices start to shout out. Tune into the words and phrases they use, then write it all down. Don’t stop and analyse, just get it all down on paper.

Tip: You may notice it in your body before you hear it in your head. It could be pressure in your back and shoulders, or it could be a feeling of low energy. It’s different for everybody.

When your two hours are up, take a look at all the stuff you’ve written down… imagine saying those words to somebody you love - your partner, your best friend, your child… What would that sound like? How would it feel to say those things?

If you’re anything like any of my clients, it will stop you in your tracks - in my experience, nobody is as mean to others as they are to themselves.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think your inner critic is pure evil. In fact, it probably evolved from a place of helpfulness:

“Caution” every time we tried something new.

“Manners” every time we spoke out of turn.

“Because I said so” when our own parents reached their limits.

“What will X think” after years of playground taunting.

“Practice makes perfect” in the struggle to learn a new skill.

It’s not about malice - it’s just the stuff we hear (and the stuff we say) that helps life run a little more smoothly.

Nugget of neuroscience

If we hear them often enough, certain stories from our childhood become “hardwired” in our brains. The repetition of these same voices creates really strong neural pathways that stay with us long into adulthood.

But look at that list above - as adults, successful adults, we want to have the confidence to try new things, to speak out, and to make our own decisions, without worrying about what other people think.

The voices that may once have guided us on the path to growing up, will not serve us forever.

There are a number of ways to ditch these old stories, and rewire some of those pathways.

Repeat the first exercise, noting down exactly what your inner critic has to say for itself…

Then simply rewrite that statement. Write it in a loving, positive way - the way you would if you were speaking to a loved one, and not yourself.

For example:

“I can’t do…” could become “I can do whatever I choose.”

“You should…” could become “I get to…”

Be aware of that voice in your head, and when it pops back up, pause, smile, and repeat your new, more positive, story. Over time, this will become a new habit, and help you banish those critical voices for good.

Was this helpful for you? Leave me your thoughts below.

P.S. Click here to join my weekly newsletter for more savvy strategies, career truth bombs and tips to help you get the success you want without losing your soul: Join Newsletter