How to Discover Authentic Leadership When Everything Is Lost

We often allow external factors to define us—where we were born, possessions, relationships, and accomplishments. But what happens when these defining elements disappear? Who are we when everything we've relied on to create our identity is lost?

Known for her unparalleled voice, Céline Dion’s life came to a screeching halt when confronted with the unimaginable certainty of losing the very gift that had defined her for decades. The documentary, “I Am: Céline Dion,” provides a look into her humanness, Self-Perception, Self-Awareness, vulnerabilities, physical ailments, and emotional battles on her yearslong road to recovery (Carden et al., 2021). She does it with authenticity despite her obvious struggles to rediscover and redefine herself beyond her commanding vocals, but as a mother, a widow, an artist, and a performer craving the adulation and validation of her millions of fans around the world. Her candor and transparency in describing and reframing her Self-Concept are quite inspiring, i.e., while pushing through an unexpected illness, Stiff Person Syndrome (SPS), a affecting her autoimmune neuronal hyperexcitability disease (Dalakas & Yi, 2023). The poignant occurrences in her transformational journey, including accepting and embracing her new vocal range or timbre, are illustrations of Self-Efficacy (within an authentic framework) (Stets & Burke, 2014) and the resilience of the human spirit. Her life story goes beyond her vocal prowess and SPS; it is about the loss, grief, and struggles experienced when we choose to discount the Inauthentic External Factors (Heliyon, 2019) to answer a simple but daunting question: What truly defines us?

What Defines You?

"Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life." – Steve Jobs.

It's natural to be defined by the world around us. For example, my identity has been shaped significantly by being Haitian American—my nationality and ethnicity are integral to who I am for myself. The possessions I hold—or don't—also contribute to my sense of self. Money, in particular, has played a significant role in defining my status and worth in society. My relationships—my wife, my children, their achievements—have all become synonymous with my identity. But what happens when these external factors shift or disappear? What happens when the external validations and definitions we've relied on no longer exist? Other external factors that define us include job titles, social status, and physical appearance.

Céline Dion faced this challenge when SPS took away her voice, the conduit of her joy and the foundation of her existence. She once said, "My voice is the conductor of my life." What do we do when we lose that conductor? What do we do when the things and people we've allowed to define us are no longer there?

The Inauthenticity of External Definitions

"Become who you are." - Friedrich Nietzsche.

Being defined by anything or anyone outside of ourselves is inherently inauthentic. When our identity is contingent upon external factors—nationality, possessions, or relationships—we stand on shifting sand. These external elements are as changeable as the weather; our sense of self can crumble when they change.

In essence, when everything that defines us is external, we risk losing ourselves when we lose those things. Céline Dion's story powerfully reminds us that when we tie our identity to something external, we become vulnerable to losing everything when that external thing disappears.

Steps to Reclaim Yourself When All is Lost

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." - Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi.

Step 1 - Self-Awareness and Discovery

• Acknowledge What Defines You: The first step is recognizing the things and people you've permitted to shape and define your identity. Understand that seeking validation and working hard to belong, survive, and succeed is part of the human experience.
• Acknowledge the Inauthenticity: Understand that giving external factors the power to define you is inherently inauthentic because these factors are neither permanent nor of your own making.

Step 2 - Redefine Yourself Through a Powerful Answer

• Adopt a Powerful Answer to "Who Am I?": Begin by deliberately choosing a statement to supplant the default external definitions. This statement isn't about what you do or have but what you stand for. It is who you say you are in the world.
• Realize That You Have the Power to Create Your Answer in Language: You make who you are through the words you choose to define yourself. What you say has the power to shape your reality.
• Declare It to Yourself and the World: Speak your new definition of self into existence. Let it be the context for everything you do and say.
• Surrender Everything to This New Definition: Practice living like this new definition is your reality. Align your thinking, speaking, and acting with it.

Step 3 - Let Your Invented Self Lead

• Exercise Your Power to Choose: Every moment presents the opportunity to exercise your power to choose. You can choose not to be defined by the default external factors or the past. Instead, you can reinvent what defines you and what uses you. This choice brings with it a sense of freedom and control over your narrative.
• Authentic Leadership: Authentic leadership is not about a title or a position but about being true to yourself and others. It comes from inventing how your words use you. It's about subordinating the self to a higher power—your word. It's about leading from a place of authenticity, aligning your actions and decisions with the definition of self and guiding principles you invented.
• Live in integrity: Integrity means keeping your word to yourself and others. When you live in alignment with the identity you've created through your words, you experience a deep sense of fulfillment. You're building a future that's consistent with your vision, and that's a powerful source of contentment.

Conclusion: A New Way of Being

Céline Dion's journey illustrates the profound challenge of losing everything that once defined us. But it also shows us the possibility of rediscovery and reinvention. When we confront the inauthenticity of letting external factors define us and take responsibility for defining ourselves, we open the door to authentic leadership.

A new way of being leads to new thinking and speaking, which leads to new actions, new relationships, and, ultimately, new results. It's an ongoing practice that leaves you being the authentic leader you most respect. When everything is lost, we can invent who we are and lead from that place of authenticity and power.

What have you lost that challenged your self-definition? Share your experiences in the comments below.

If you’re ready to take a deep into these themes and learn how to reclaim your true self, I invite you to join my upcoming FREE webinar with the same title. Click here to register: https://shorturl.at/VOEI4

About Saurel Quettan

Saurel Quettan is a leadership and business coach who helps Black CEOs and business owners reach their full potential. With over 20 years of experience, he guides leaders through a process that helps them discover their strengths and overcome challenges. Saurel's coaching focuses on turning good leaders into great ones by encouraging them to think big and create lasting success. He helps them make better decisions, handle changes in the market, build strong team cultures, and aim for bold futures. Saurel's goal is to help leaders shape their futures and positively impact their families, businesses, and communities.