HOW TO DISARM AN EXPLOSIVE SITUATION

Last year, I was in Las Vegas teaching an alternate dispute resolution class, when a student asked, “what do you do when someone gets in your face and threatens you harm.” To be honest, I am not sure I answered his question thoroughly; however, I did make a mental note to think about his question. I believe this knowledge is so needed in the world we live in today.  So, I decided to tell you about an event that happened to me, were my skills of dispute resolution were severely tested.

It was a cold and rainy evening, as three friends drove down a Texas highway. James had decided to drive his beat up 86’ Honda and made Tommy ride shotgun to decipher the homemade map, we were given. I was in the backseat regretting my decision to come on this ill-advised overnight camping trip. I kept telling myself, “hey it’s only one night”, for the record, the only reason I agreed to go was because someone was making brisket, “damn my appetite”. Before long we found ourselves in a maze of small ranches, hopelessly lost, nothing had an address or sign, and it was basically pitch black. After driving in circles for an hour, Tommy became angry and frustrated, he started threating to tear up the map and just wanted to go home. James was his usual Zen self and tried to get Tommy to relax and just focus on reading the directions again. I said to myself, as I fell asleep “why didn’t I listen to my gut feelings.” I was awakened by Tommy’s excitement, he yelled, “I’m sure this is way”, however, there still was no signs anywhere, there was nothing but a winding dirt road. James hesitated, but still drove forward slowly, asking “are you sure this is right”. James drove the car a few more feet when we came upon a house with no lights on, Tommy then said, “it’s somebody’s yard, we better turn around”. As we began to turn around, a silhouette of a man wearing a cowboy hat, bandana, boots, dressed only in his boxers came running at the car. James stopped and Tommy rolled his window down, I guess hoping to give an explanation as to why we were in his yard. The cowboy did not hesitate and immediately pulled out a big pistol and pointed it at Tommy’s head. Looking at the cowboy, I could tell he was very intoxicated, he smelled like whiskey, and I reasoned that he might very well pull the trigger. However, in all honesty, my first thought was, who the hell runs out to confront intruders, makes sure he puts on his hat, bandanna, and boots, but no shirt and pants! Tommy began yelling, “get that gun out of my face you idiot”, also trying to push the gun away. The cowboy took a step back and cocked the pistol, and I thought this is escalating way to fast.  I put my hand on Tommy’s shoulder, lowered the window, and said softly, “let me talk to him.” I said in a soft tone, “sir, I’m sorry we disturbed you, we are lost and made a wrong turn by mistake, and I smiled at him. He lowered his gun, and he asked “who are you”, and so I explained we were three friends looking for a campground near here and he would be doing us a great favor if he would steer us in the right direction. I showed him the map laughing, “this a crap map” and said, ‘he would be welcome to come over and have some brisket with us” Once he realized we were not a threat to him, he lets us leave. James and Tommy would remain very quiet the rest of the weekend, I think the incident affect them in some way. As for me, the worst thing about that trip was the brisket was not worth almost getting shot by a cowboy.

HOW TO DISARM AN EXPLOSIVE SITUATION

Five important things

 1.     Lower the tone of your voice, that automatically lowers the intensity.

 2.    Show no fear and have complete confidence in what you are saying.

  3.    Look to make a personal connection, something you both can relate too.

 4.    Refrain from attacking personally, and instead show empathy by asking questions.

 5.    Watch that your body language is non-threatening, this can key to diffusing the situation.

Robert Palos

The Master of Conflict

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