How to Disagree Respectfully at Work

Disagreements are inevitable, even in the workplace. They are a natural part of any collaborative environment and often stem from diverse perspectives and experiences within a team. While conflict can be uncomfortable, it can be a catalyst for innovation and growth. Traditionally, disagreements arise when team members approach challenges from different angles or have varying priorities. However, these differences can be leveraged to uncover creative solutions and foster a deeper understanding of complex issues.

Listen with an open mind. Understanding the problem at hand and its impact on the organization is crucial. Aligning with this goal fosters a sense of unity among team members. In the event of escalating tensions during a disagreement, reiterating the goal can serve as a reset, redirecting the conversation away from personal attacks. It is essential to remain guided by the "why" behind the discussion. Additionally, heed the advice of John and Julie Gottman regarding toxic communication patterns known as the ‘Four Horsemen.’ These include criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism involves attacking someone’s character, while contempt implies a sense of moral superiority. Defensiveness often leads to blame-shifting, while stonewalling entails withdrawing and expressing disapproval through nonverbal cues. Excluding the ‘Four Horsemen’ can lead to everyone talking over each other in a competition to win the conversation. When this happens, no one wins and nearly everyone leaves feeling frustrated. Remember: speaking up is not a means to force others to think like you.

Think, ‘Yes, and...’ when disagreeing. Begin by reiterating the purpose of the conversation, then acknowledge the perspectives shared by others. Emphasize areas of agreement and aspects of others’ contributions that resonate with you. Next, express your opposition thoughtfully, mindful of your language choice. Whenever possible, opt for ‘and’ instead of 'but’ to introduce your disagreement, as 'but’ can negate everything said before it and cause others to shut down. Respectful expression of differing viewpoints is key, as it can prevent a waste of resources and foster efficiency within the team and organization. Creating an environment where challenging discussions are welcomed, and individuals feel empowered to voice their thoughts is both freeing and conducive to progress. Ultimately, it’s essential for all team members to actively engage in constructive dialogue and uphold mutual accountability.

Establish common ground. Keep the goal and its organizational impact at the forefront of your discussions. Aligning with the overarching objective fosters a sense of teamwork. In moments of escalating tension, redirecting focus to the goal can serve to realign the conversation and alleviate personal conflicts. Let the "why" serve as your guide to avoid disagreements, steering your discussions towards resolution.

Differences of opinion can lead to new and innovative ways of thinking and, eventually, to better camaraderie among coworkers. By engaging in open and respectful dialogue, actively listening to differing viewpoints, and remaining focused on common goals, disagreements can ultimately lead to stronger teamwork, improved decision-making, and greater overall success for the organization.

About Sherrika

With over 15 years in corporate accounting within PE-backed and privately held organizations, Sherrika Sanders established Transform the GAAP (Goals Assigned Achieving Purpose) to leverage her knowledge and experience as an accomplished corporate accountant to develop accounting teams and high-performing women accountants, equipping them with the essential skills required to excel in any professional setting and advance their careers from stagnation to strategic growth. She helps realign accountants with who they are (values), how they show up (beliefs), and how to thrive in any professional setting (promotion) as they advance in corporate America. Sherrika was once in this same predicament and learned how to use her voice to get respect, recognition, and pay increases that aligned with her promotions. She wants to help other accountants do the same. Sherrika holds a Bachelor's in Accounting, an MBA, and a Master's in Organizational Leadership.

Sherrika's passion is to equip accounting professionals with the skills necessary to thrive in any setting. Visit https://www.transformthegaap.com/ to learn more.

The Transform Tuesdays newsletter was created to help professionals navigate the world of corporate America by overcoming the hurdles hindering them from growing to the next level in their careers, including knowing their value, using their voice, and being authentic to themselves.