How to Disagree with Feedback at Work Without Killing the Messenger

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Receiving feedback at work is a critical part of personal and professional growth. It can help you identify areas for improvement, enhance your skills, and become a more effective team member. However, what do you do when you don’t agree with the feedback?

Disagreeing with feedback, especially from your boss, can feel daunting, but these tips from this week's Radical Candor podcast can help make it easier.

1. Listen and Confirm

The first step when receiving feedback you disagree with is to actively listen and check for understanding. Often, we may become defensive and tune out once we sense criticism coming our way. Instead, make sure you fully understand what is being communicated.

Repeating back what you've heard is a great way to confirm clarity. For instance, you might say, “I hear that you're saying I need to work on being more succinct in my communication. Is that correct?”

This gives you a moment to absorb the information, and also signals to the other person that you're engaged and willing to understand their perspective, even if you're not immediately on board.

2. Give Yourself Time to Process

It’s perfectly OK to not respond right away. In fact, when faced with feedback you disagree with, it’s beneficial to give yourself time to reflect on it. A simple phrase like, “Thanks for sharing this. I’d like some time to think it over and get back to you,” shows that you’re taking the feedback seriously.

This approach allows you to cool off if the feedback stung and offers the opportunity to consider the validity of the points raised. It’s also a good time to find any parts of the feedback that resonate with you, which brings us to the next point.

3. Identify Areas of Agreement

Even when you disagree with the bulk of the feedback, there are often parts that hold truth. Identifying and acknowledging these areas can make the conversation less confrontational.

For instance, if someone says you don’t communicate clearly and aren’t prioritizing your work effectively, but you only agree with the communication part, you might respond, “I agree that I could communicate more clearly, and I appreciate that feedback. However, I see my prioritization differently.”

This opens the door for a two-way dialogue and makes it clear that you’re not dismissing the feedback entirely. It also helps to diffuse tension by showing that you’re willing to own some aspects of your development.

4. Politely Disagree and Ask for Clarification

Once you’ve acknowledged the parts you agree with, you can move into addressing the feedback you don’t align with. Approach this part of the conversation with curiosity rather than defensiveness.

You might say, “I understand where you're coming from with the feedback on my prioritization, but I had a different perspective. Could you help me understand why you think my approach is off?”

This shows that you respect the other person’s opinion and are open to learning, but it also gives you space to present your own perspective without sounding dismissive or combative.

5. Collaborate On a Solution

In cases where disagreement persists, it's essential to collaborate on a path forward. Maybe your manager insists on one approach, while you believe another is more effective. This is where it’s crucial to stay open to compromise or suggest alternative solutions that address both your concerns and theirs.

The ultimate goal should be to work together to find a resolution that aligns with the team's objectives. In this week's episode, Jason shares how he faced disagreement over an operational issue. He embraced the feedback, acknowledged where he was wrong, and came back with a third solution that integrated his approach with the company’s needs. This type of collaboration can strengthen relationships rather than harm them.

6. Be Prepared to Commit (or Walk Away)

At some point, you might have to decide whether you can align with the feedback or if the difference in opinion is too significant to reconcile. This doesn’t mean quitting at the first sign of disagreement, but if you truly can’t commit to the changes being asked of you, it may be time to reassess your role.

Tune in to the Radical Candor? Podcast to learn to love your job and kick a** at work without losing your humanity by practicing the principles of Radical Candor. Host and Lead Radical Candor Coach Amy Sandler leads discussions with Radical Candor Author and Co-founder Kim Scott and CEO and Co-founder Jason Rosoff about what it means to be Radically Candid, why it’s simple but not easy to Care Personally and Challenge Directly on the daily, and why it’s worth it. Want to bring Radical Candor to your team? Drew Muir or Dan Greene can help! Have a topic you want us to discuss? Email it to [email protected] .