How to Disagree Better

“I hate that man. I must get to know him better.” – Abraham Lincoln?

?Not everyone feels the need to engage with people who have different views. Some stay within their own bubbles. However, for those of us who value reducing polarization, the solution to encountering opposing ideas is not to agree but to learn how to disagree constructively. We can achieve this through three elements of effective communication: Intent, Story, and Presence.??

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Having the intention to find common ground differs from complete agreement, but it can lead to consensus even with differing opinions. If we approach each other with the intention of finding ways to get along despite our differences and acknowledging that solutions often require multiple perspectives, we can begin to understand each other.??

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Everyone has a unique story that defines them. Stories are powerful tools for building connections and recognizing our shared humanity. While we may disagree on specific issues, our stories can reveal shared concerns that we hope will be addressed by the policies in question. Thus, storytelling and attentively listening to others' stories are effective ways to foster better understanding.??

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Being present and open-minded when interacting with others is crucial. Some people find it easy to express themselves, while others may not. Some might respond confrontationally when faced with differing viewpoints, shutting down the chance for productive dialogue. By showing genuine curiosity and encouragement towards others' stories, we can create a welcoming and open atmosphere that invites others to join the conversation, creating space for respectful differences.??

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The key takeaway is that we don't have to see eye to eye with each other to get along, but we do need to be willing to listen to perspectives we may not agree with. We can do that while remaining true to our own values, and we might learn something important in the process.?

What I am listening to: A Braver Way Podcast: A podcast about how you can disagree about politics without losing heart.??

What I am reading: Middle East student dialogue: As an expert in deep conflict, what I’ve learned about making conversation possible (In The Conversation newsletter)?

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