How did I become successful?

How did I become successful?

First, I would ask 'Am I successful?'.

Because honestly, it depends on your definition of success.

Subjective and ambiguous questions always throw me for a loop. I generally try to stay out of the limelight, so to speak. However, I have found the space where I'm most impactful to be in the support of others; creating safe and inclusive spaces where others can be their authentic selves and thrive.

Or at least, that's what I try to do.

I love sharing my knowledge and experience - anything that may help someone else. Although I am most comfortable with one-on-one or small group interactions, I have been growing my skills by co-leading global-reaching communities.

Now, how did I get here?

Well, I attribute much of that to my partner.

They are the wind beneath my wings. Always encouraging, supportive, and willing to catch me when I fall.

I've fallen, lot!

It took me most of my life thus far to figure out where I 'fit' and who I am. I've always known I was different, but I didn't know why. I was either too much of this, or too little of that. Never quite 'good enough'.

It had a significant impact on my self-worth. I questioned my own perception and reality all the time. Pieces of the story were elucidated as I grew up, but never the whole picture.

That is, until our eldest child - the bravest person I know - asked to talk to someone about why they are different.

They were only 7 at the time. During that process, they told me "At least I'm not alone". Naturally, I followed with an attempt at encouragement on how lots of people in the world are different and how different is good. They stopped me mid-sentence and said "I know that, Mom - I meant you. I'm just like you."

That's when the light bulb turned on.

Since then, I sought spaces to connect with other people and truly find myself. I also sought a formal evaluation - primarily because I did not want my child to question their perception like I had my whole life. If an evaluation helped me better understand myself, that was a bonus. Well, it has been life-changing.

Suffice to say I am growing the self-worth I always struggled with. I love working hard and doing my best but being autistic clashes with the corporate world - a lot.

Things that are often considered 'nice to haves' are essential for me. Explicit communication with milestones and a definition of success, agendas, notes, consistency, routines, and time to process.

Time - that's the hard one.

There's always a shortage of time. I am methodical and detail-oriented, but that takes time. I can figure out anything I put my mind to, and have taught myself the majority of the software languages that I know. Yet, that also takes time. By saying I need more time, I don't mean forever, or anything excessive - but more time than is often expected. After all, we're typically measured against our peers.

In sum, I don't 'look' disabled.

I can speak well, and I have become a master at masking.

Navigating the world, let alone the corporate world, is not easy - it never will be. It takes immense mental and emotional energy, and I'm often completely exhausted by the end of the work day. My capacity or "spoons" can fluctuate day-by-day, week-by-week, or even situation-by-situation. That's not something I can control, despite how hard I try.

The greatest thing a leader can do to support me is to actively listen, believe my experience when I share it, and then work with me to find a way we can thrive together. Give me structure, and time.

Most importantly, support me in a way that doesn't consist of telling me how I 'should' be.

As I reflect, I am successful.