How To Destroy Your Brand With One Product Or Less - Part 1

I’m generally not a fan of deep, analytical thoughts on pop culture.

If a room full of Hollywood execs fed some data into a computer to create their ideal client - someone who will mindlessly buy whatever they spoon-feed me like a zombie hunting for brains - the computer would probably spit out a picture of me.

I imagine it’s not a flattering image either.

…Wide-eyed.

…Slack-jawed.

…Glazed eyes.

I’m simple - I like to go to the movies, pay for my ticket, eat my popcorn, and turn off my brain for a few hours.

Failing that, I like to sprawl out on my couch, turn on Netflix and scroll through 326 movies or shows I could care less about to get to Billions or Lucifer for my 12th rewatch of season 2.

And over the last few years, even a knuckle-dragging film zombie like me has had to carefully wipe the drool off my nacho-stained t-shirt, put down the popcorn, and question what I see in front of me.

They’ve forced me to think!

And let me tell you I’m none too pleased.

Granted, we’re in year 57 of a seemingly never-ending pandemic and I haven’t been to the talkies in a little while but I’ve seen signals of slight…shifts in pop culture.

Yeah, I know - actual theaters aren’t seeing much action until recently as people are still a little gun-shy about going outdoors and being in proximity to actual people….but until Omicron…Decepticon….or whatever Transformer drives us all back into lockdown.

Pop culture ain’t doing great!

Now, I’m not saying there aren’t pockets of excellence.

?Godzilla vs King Kong delivered bigly!

A giant-laser breathed dragon fighting a gorilla with a pituitary gland problem - aces!

The only issue I had with the film at all is that King Kong is really a giant ape up against a skyscraper-sized dragon that shoots lasers - so it really shouldn’t be a fight at all. Luckily I don’t think about these things though and it was pure disaster porn.

I don’t even know who won but I was entertained.

…And then came the remake of He-Man.

By the power of Grayskull, He-Man is EXACTLY the kind of mindless schlock I treasure.

Kevin Smith -? who wrote surprise hits like Clerks for nerds like me and is still riding the coattails of his one (not counting the 4 sequels) success was directing the Netflix remake.

Smith would pen a 10-episode series released in 2 5-episode chunks

The whole gang was back? - He-Man, Skeletor, Man-At-Arms, Teela, and more.

Hell’s bell’s…even the catchy theme song was making an appearance.

HE-MAN da da da dahhh da da dahhh da da da HE-MAN!!!!

Slam dunk!

Simple premise.: He-Man the good-guy wields a power sword that turns him into an übermensch, cackling skull-man bad-guy wants the sword and/or the power and they fight it out.?

Good guy wins, the bad guy loses, 2 hours of my life vanish never to return.

Mission accomplished!

And yet…

The first sign trouble was brewing was hearing the first reviews come in.

“Woke nonsense!” screamed one.

“A betrayal to fans.” complained another.

“ARGGGGGGGGGHH” said a third critic.

I grew suspicious.

Cautiously, I turned on Netflix to see what all the fuss was about.

• He-Man is killed within 20 minutes of the first episode.

• Teela took front and center.

• A long and convoluted story-line preached about….something

And the now-barely recognizable franchise was packed with virtue-signaling social messages from beginning to end.

He-Man went woke!

I’ll explore this in future entries but what happened next was predictable.

The mainstream media virtue signaled and He-Man’s Rotten Tomatoes score was a near-flawless 98%.

The audience score was closer to 20%

The fans were outraged that their franchise was co-opted as a social messaging platform.

The critics accused the fans of being “toxic.”

If you’ve been watching pop culture - you recognize the pattern.

And as for me, I can’t help but ask myself a question?

• You might have opinions on whether or not the messaging was correct.

• You might think morally justice was done

But who thought this was a good business decision?

He-Man is an 80’s cartoon about toys that regained popularity in the ’90s where most viewers found it.

It was fun…silly…and a simple cartoon trope.

A bad guy with a skeleton for a face loses to the good guy.

Gary Halbert, one of if not the greatest copywriter of all time described the one thing needed for marketing success.

“I, myself, only want one advantage and, if you will give it to me, I will whip the pants off of all of you when it comes to selling burgers!” “What advantage do you want?” they ask. “The only advantage I want,” I reply, “is A STARVING CROWD!”

Gary Halbert

The generation who’d grown up watching He-Man and now wanted to watch it with their kids felt slighted and wronged.

And who can blame them?

What does this have to do with marketing?

There are dozens of companies who have slam dunk wins on brands with starving crowds.

If the story had stuck to the formula He-Man toys would have flown off the shelves come Black Friday.

As it stands after the outrage died down the second part of the series was released.

No one watched it.

And that’s a tragedy.

Because likely, the IP is permanently damaged.

And I can’t help but think that if Kevin Smith had written a good film about a simple, black-and-white concept and helped fans scratch that mid 90’s itch.

…A lot of people could have money.

But this is part of a larger disconnect between audiences and people in charge of making entertainment and it is perplexing.

And I’m going to go deeper into it.

So stay tuned.

David Maswary

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