How to Design Your Life

How do you get from where you are today to where you want to be??How do you design the life you want to live??How do you fix your life?

After over 40 years as a psychotherapist, it has become increasingly obvious that people are often not looking to be “cured” of a psychological disorder, but rather, they are looking for help to remove the obstacles that stand between their current life, and the one they would like to live.

Life coaching has become one of the best methods for taking someone from where they are today to where they want to be. Life coaches teach people, through confidential and non-judgmental dialogue, how to tap their creativity and resources to design the life they want to live.??

While psychotherapy is about “cure,” coaching is about “transformation.”?Here is how it works:

Beliefs, Thoughts, & Emotions

Beliefs drive your thoughts, and your thoughts drive your emotions.?In our logical world we put a huge amount of emphasis on the physical and we seem to ignore the emotional limitations that are by far the most powerful forces that keep us from getting where we want to be.

Your emotions are directly linked to your thoughts. Most people think that their emotions are triggered by what people say or do which is outside of their control. If this were true, you would be a victim of everything going on around you and have virtually no control over your life.?It can sometimes feel like that for many.

The Most Important Transformation

You are not your thoughts. The separation between self and thought is the single most powerful concept to any form of self-development or transformation.

Thoughts come from your underlying beliefs.?Your beliefs are the personal filter that impacts the series of decisions that you make about yourself.?They are heavily influenced by your upbringing, schooling, and culture.?Through coaching these beliefs are put out in the open.

Once an unhelpful, negative belief is undone, it can no longer generate negative thoughts.?It can no longer hold you back or cause you the pain triggered by your emotions. As you begin to recognize the absurdity of some of your thoughts, you can simply find a healthier substitute through the coaching process. Your new way of thinking is reinforced, and the old way begins to weaken and fade away.

The key transformation is the separation of beliefs from thoughts and emotions!

Therapy vs. Life Coaching

Therapy focuses on emotions.?Coaching focuses on beliefs. Therapy is concerned with feelings.?Coaching is concerned with reaching predetermined results.?Therapy “cures.”?Coaching transforms.

As a clinician, I am certain there is a reality known as mental illness, however, as a very experienced clinician, I am certain that many, if not most, of those who present for psychotherapy treatment are better suited to coaching.?Why is that?

Follow the Money?

There is a marketing funnel that leads people from dysfunctional living, from making poor life choices, to the therapist’s office. This funnel is lubricated by the profit motive.

There are only two countries in the world that allow pharmaceutical companies to advertise directly to their populations: the United States and New Zealand.?The rest of the world sees the harm in promoting the idea that every problem in life can be solved by a pill.?Some can.?Mistakes in thinking and incorrect beliefs cannot.

If psychotropic drugs actually worked, why would anyone need therapy? ?There are many rationalizations that attempt to answer this question and keep insurance companies and psychotherapists in business.

The relationship between pharmaceuticals, insurance companies, and psychotherapists is crystal clear to anyone who has been in practice as long as I have.?Forty years ago, when the dinosaurs roamed the earth, and I went into private practice, psychotropic drugs were prescribed to institutionalized people, insurance companies did not pay for psychotherapy, and people got “better” fast.?

Why’s that??Because people saw therapists to solve a problem, they paid their hard-earned money, they worked hard in earnest, and they moved on, happy for the experience.?It was a magic formula!?A determined goal + sacrifice + motivation + proper guidance = transformation.?Today, due to the economic funnel and the medicalization of everyday life, this formula only applies to coaching!

Who Should Hire a Coach

As one who is both a coach and a therapist, and as one who trains both therapists and coaches, I feel qualified to offer an opinion of value.

The person who will most benefit from life coaching is the person who is motivated to design the life they want to live.?The person who wants to be in control of their experience of living will benefit from coaching.?While we are never free from hardship or suffering, we are always free to have whatever attitude we wish regardless of circumstances.

The person who will most benefit from life coaching is a hard worker. She is someone who knows where she wants to be.?He is not afraid to confront his beliefs and thinking.?She is strong and determined!?He knows what he knows and what he doesn’t know!

Above all, the person who will most benefit from life coaching values their live above all, is willing to invest in their future, and believes in the true value of education. If any or this describes you, perhaps it’s time for you to design the life you want to live.