HOW TO DELIVER THE FLAWLESS SPEECH (C) 2021 Wayne D. Lewis, Sr. Part IV What is Your Speaking Style? #myspeakingstyle
HOW TO DELIVER THE FLAWLESS SPEECH
? 2021 Wayne D. Lewis, Sr.
Part IV- What is Your Speaking Style? #myspeakingstyle
Good day and welcome to The Flawless Speech. In our last discussion we referenced the various types of speeches. We focused on the Internal components of a speech. While there are said to be as many as 9 types of speeches, we only covered 2. We discussed Persuasion and Inspiration.
In case you missed it, here is a link to the 9 potential types of speech: Popoptiq.
In this edition of How to Deliver The Flawless Speech, we are going to discuss our speaking style(s). Another Internal Component of preparing the Flawless Speech.
Are you aware of your speaking style? Until almost 2 years ago, I had never tried to truly identify my communication style. I just believed that I opened my mouth, and what came up, came out. Silly me!
Now, as I delve deep into what it means to deliver #theflawlessspeech, I am learning that there is so much more to speaking than just standing before a microphone and sharing our thoughts. Belonging to Toastmasters has helped me tremendously to realize what I needed to do to be the best in delivering a dynamic speech. But why is this important?
Why is it important to know #myspeakingstyle?
From a #flawlessspeech perspective, there are times when we find ourselves speaking to one group of people in one way, and then with another group of people in a different way. It is natural, that when we are at work there are things that we limit or portray a certain personality type that is acceptable that when we are at home, or among our friends, that we speak differently. Sometimes, if we are not careful, the lines may blur.
Whether that line blurs, or we keep the distinction noticeably clear, we are being judged by those with whom we associate in terms of how we present ourselves, consistently. This may or may not matter if we are content to stay in one place professionally for the rest of our lives. However, if we are going to move forward in our lives, it is important to know who we are as individuals, and how we present ourselves.
One of the first things that perceive about us is how we dress. The second thing is how we speak. There are other factors, but these two are a close tie. These two aspects of who we are, how we dress and how we speak do not often get a second chance to make a first impression. We might be able to get away with how we dress, because the circumstances may not be a boardroom, but a Parent-Teacher’s conference, that you as a parent are coming from the mechanic shop, no worries. However, what comes out our mouths the moment we speak, reverberates for all times to come. And it leaves an impression that will be difficult to erase, regardless of whom we meet.
If we do not care how people judge us, then none of this matter. But with respect to raises; invitations to gatherings where important decisions are being made, promotions and credibility, our speaking-style can crush our dreams, even if we are in a 3-piece suit; an after-5 with a slit up the side or drive the latest luxury car. There are limited seats at the table when we do not know our speaking style, to the point that unless we are Rich Little, impersonator, that it could cost us.
Self-Assessment(s) on Speaking Styles
Earlier this week, I sent out some homework for you. Did you get a chance to review Claire Newton’s five basic levels of speaking styles? No worries, I am going to summarize here. If you did get a chance to review her work, please feel free to share your thoughts.
Before I get to Claire’s article, I took the liberty of taking two assessments for this post on speaking styles. Why 2?
One reason for taking one assessment was because I thought that it was all that I needed to do to determine my style of speaking. With Claire’s article as a guide, where could I go wrong? I also thought that it was important to practice what I preached and that is, find out, or confirm what my speaking style is.
If you want to know what your speaking style is, I have links below in case you want to take at least one of the assessments. The other links are for all of us who may want to discover that there are several speaking styles that are referenced, and we may find one that we best identify with. I do not encourage you to spend time taking more than one assessment. It is draining! I took two because I am a glutton for punishment. I will share the results with you shortly.
I want to thank my wife, Maria (Mimi) for indulging me. She also took one of the assessments. I would have been pushing my luck to think that she would have taken both assessments. So, thank you for helping me on this project, Mimi ??.
Although I have spoken to thousands of people and I have conducted hundreds of training classes, I had no clue that a speaking style was identifiable. Some of you maybe ahead of me on the learning curve if you have already identified your speaking style. Congratulations to you!
Let us talk about the 2 assessments and what I discovered about my wife and me. Below is a link to our results from the one we took together.
The First Self-Assessment-Without going through the entire assessment line by line, let me just point out a few things. (click here for our assessment) Mimi and Pawpaw Communication Styles
1. The results of this assessment only evaluate for four (4) speaking styles, unlike the one with Claire Newton’s five (5) speaking styles;
a. The speaking styles that we discussed are not named or identified similarly in this assessment, unlike previously where we discussed:
Assertive, Aggressive, Passive-Aggressive, Manipulative and Passive, this assessment discusses: Energizer; Systemizer; Associator and Innovator.
2. For the record, here is a brief of what each term means from the first assessment, according to the project from author Pierre Casse, “Teaching for the Cross-Cultural Mind”. The scoring is based on a 1-20 probability, with 20 having the most weight. How we scored in each category is reflected in parenthesis (M-Mimi/P-Pawpaw):
a. Energizer- (5/10)
i. Characteristics: Pragmatic, direct, decisive, impatient;
ii. Priorities: Action, Accomplishment;
iii. Skills: highly productive; enthusiastic; good at making decisions;
b. Systemizer-(19/6)
i. Characteristics: Logical, analytical, Organized, systematic, factual, and cautious;
ii. Priorities: facts, order, details
iii. Skills: organized, information well, less prone to mistakes;
c. Associator-(6/15)
i. Characteristics: Friendly, warm empathetic, emotional, perceptive, sensitive, spontaneous;
ii. Priorities: Relationships, people;
iii. Skills: Perceptive, friendly, team players;
d. Innovator-(10/9)
i. Characteristics-Charismatic, Creative, Difficult to understand, full of ideas, Provocative;
ii. Priorities: Relationships, People
iii. Skills: Visionary, Creative, See Big Picture
My Thoughts:
I must admit that this assessment is too accurate. My wife is a very meticulous and organized person. Her other scores as an Innovator almost matches my own. However, numbers can be tricky. I am willing to bet that she is the most innovative between the two of us.
With that said, I would like to believe that I am more decisive, and good at making decisions than the assessment alleges. I would love to be an Energizer. Not to mention, I find myself very much a Visionary and a Creative person, just like an Innovator. However, I am considered an Associator. That means that I am indeed perceptive, sensitive, and yes, emotional. Will this help me as a speaker? Quite possibly.
Suffice it to say, that knowing what your speaking style maybe worse than not knowing what your speaking style is. So please, consider finding an assessment that challenges you, and determine what your speaking style is, or is close to being. Let us see how I did solo on my second assessment. Thanks Mimi! I love you!
The Second Self-Assessment: On the second assessment, this one does not incorporate what Claire Newton discussed in her five communication styles. This assessment does not include terms from the first assessment either. The scores from the second assessment are my own. The number in parenthesis are a 1 out of a possible 18. 18 suggesting the greatest weight in one of the below identified areas. The second self-assessment focuses on speaking styles relating to:
A. Driver- (5)
a. Strengths : Independent; decisive; determined;
b. Potential weaknesses: Has trouble operating with others; does not take time to consider other perspectives; domineering; too focused on doing it “my way”;
B. Amiable- (4)
a. Strengths: Supportive; Patient; Diplomatic;
b. Potential weaknesses: Tends to conform to wishes of others;
C. Expressive- (4)
a. Strengths: Good communicator; Enthusiastic; Imaginative;
b. Potential weaknesses: Talks too much; comes on too strong; dreamer; unrealistic;
D. Analytical- (5)
a. Strengths: thinking; thorough; disciplined;
b. Potential weaknesses; Excludes feelings from decisions; goes too far; perfectionist;
My Thoughts on the Second Assessment-
The second assessment almost balances me out in some strange way. If I were to take my combined scores of Driver and Amiable (5 and 4), it is as though they cancel each other out. That leaves my combined score of Expressive and Analytical, which also seem like polar opposites.
If I were to take my combined scores of Amiable and Expressive (4 and 4), I would seem to be a very high-spirited person until of course, we would combine my scores from Driver and Analytical (5 and 5), which outweigh Amicable and Expressive. So, what am I to do? Is this the assessment that I can use to best determine what type of speaker I am? It will be up to me. But at least, I have something from which to work with if I have nothing else. Fortunately, I do.
My Overall Thoughts on both Self-Assessments-
First, it was difficult to take these two assessments. I might have only done one had not Mimi backed me up. Let us give Mimi a big round of applause for her help in this project. If I had to go with either of these two assessments to help me to understand my speaking style, I would have to go with the first one, where I am an Associator. It would make sense to do so, even as I may find a bit of common ground between both assessments. So, I would choose the assessment that suggests that #myspeakingstyle is…… drumroll, please: An Associator!
Yea me! I am an Associator! I have an #AssociatorSpeakingStyle.
WAIT A MINUTE-THERE IS A PROBLEM! In my teaser to this discussion, I suggested that there were 5 major speaking styles. I referenced Claire Newton, as she suggested that there are 5 speaking styles. From our research, we learned from Claire's article that those 5 major speaking styles are:
1. Assertive-What is an Assertive Speaker? According to Claire Newton, if we are assertive, “we have the confidence to communicate without resorting to games or manipulation”. Two behavioral examples of an assertive speaking style are that the speaker is “socially and emotionally expressive and, that the speaker is protective of their own rights and respectful of others’ rights”;
Two examples of a non-verbal behavior of an assertive speaking style is that their “facial expressions consist of good eye contact” and, “that their voice is medium (sic) in speed and volume”;
2. Passive-Aggressive- What is considered a Passive-Aggressive speaker? Claire Newton suggests that this type of speaker would appears “passive” on the surface but are “acting out either their pair or hostility in an indirect manner to deal with an overwhelming lack of power”. two behavioral examples of Passive-Aggressive speaking would be (1) sarcasm, sulky, unreliable, or (2) indirectly aggressive, or showing up late. A non-verbal behavior for a Passive-Aggressive behavior would be posture, where they would stand with their hand on their hip, while being sarcastic or patronizing;
3. Aggressive-Claire shares with us that this speaking style “is about winning!” That essentially, “an aggressive speaker behaves as if their needs are the most important, that they have the most rights, and have the most to contribute than anyone else”. An example of an Aggressive speaker can be found in the language that they use. For example:
- ““You are crazy!””
- ““Do it my way!””
- ““You make me sick!””
Who are the likely people to be on the receiving end of an aggressive speaker? Here are a few examples from Claire Newton’s article: People who are:
“humiliated, uncooperative, resentful/vengeful, and/or afraid.” Additionally, Claire notes: that a person who is likely to be on the receiving end of an aggressive speaker’s expressions are those who are not (likely to) report “mistakes and problems” to an aggressive person in case they “blow up!”
4. Manipulative- In following Claire’s report, we find that the speaker who is manipulative is scheming, calculating and shrewd. A non-verbal example of a manipulative speaker is that their voice is patronizing, envious, ingratiating, often with a high pitch. An example of their language is, according to the report: “You are so lucky to have those chocolates, I wish I had some. I can’t afford such expensive chocolates”;
Additionally, Claire reports that People on the Receiving end of a Manipulative Speaker may experience “guilt, frustration, resentment, or irritated”.
5. Submissive-last but not least, this speaking style is about pleasing others and avoiding conflict. Claire Newton reports that a submissive speaker “behaves as if other people’s needs and more important, and other people have more rights and more to contribute”. What examples does Clair Newton provide to go with a submissive speaker?
Behaviorally, she suggests that they are apologetic; avoids any conflict; opts out; refuses compliments. The language of a Submissive Speaker may consist of:
- “Oh, it’s nothing, really.”
- “You choose, anything is fine.”
And example of non-verbal behavior for a Submissive speaker would be:
Voice volume is soft;
their posture suggests that they try to make themselves seem small as possible, with their heads down;
If these are the 5 speaking styles by which we are to be self-assessed, what about the other #speakingstyles that we have uncovered? Do we dismiss them? Or do we develop our own categories for our own speaking style? I would highly discourage it but knock yourself out!
This exercise and research suggest that there is no hard and fast way of developing our speaking styles. However, research suggests that an assessment, that is backed by sound theory and scientific proof is a step in the right direction.
There is one other self-assessment that we may consider when we have time. It is like the DISC Assessment for Personality. A fellow club member, Michelle Debenport introduced to us the DISC form of Communication Styles in one of our Arlington Nooners Toastmasters Club meeting. If I were to go by that assessment, I am sure that I am considered an (S) which stands for Steadiness, with a slight inclination to (C ) which stands for Compliance with #myspeakingstyle
As we wrap up, ending with the 5 speaking styles that Claire Newton introduced to us, let use what Claire shared with us as it relates to why we should be familiar with our own speaking style(s).
CONCLUSION
In her article, what Claire Newton, psychologist, ultimately suggests is that we learn the speaking style most associated with being assertive. By being more assertive, according to Claire, we can strengthen our relationships, reduce stress from conflict and decrease unnecessary anxiety in our lives.
I still contend that we just find out what our speaking style is and begin building our brand around it. Seemingly, there is no good or bad speaking style. It is just that, our speaking style. I do not know if we can ever change it to suit ourselves without extensively focusing on it, but it is worth a shot, if we want to.
Our speaking style, whatever it is, is our brand. We just need to know where our brand best fit for the purpose of marketing ourselves professionally, and successfully.
If you are interested in taking the assessment that Mimi and I took, it is #3 below. If you are interested in taking the second assessment that I took solo, it is #5. Let me know if you take both. LOL
Let me know how you make out from either or both assessments. If you find another assessment that helps you find your voice, please feel free to share that as well.
Good luck and #continuedsuccess in your quest to deliver, #theflawlessspeech.
1. The Five Communications Styles, Claire Newton, Psychologist, Speaker, Trainer, Coach/Hat Lover;
2. The Five Styles of Human Communications that a Consultant Needs to Know. David Yardley, The Training Zone
4. Which of These 4 Communication Styles Are You?- Mark Murphy, Senior Contributor, www.forbes.com;
5. Activity- Communication Style Self-assessment from The Vantage Point: https://www.thevantagepoint.ca/
6. Six Speaker Personality Types- Which is yours?
#myspeakingstyle #arlingtonnooners #toastmasters #theflawlessspeech
Disclaimer:
Any similarity in stories in this blog post or other related materials to actual events are coincidental. Information deemed to be reliable but not guaranteed. I do not own any of the materials used and do not claim any copyright ownership to the materials provided. Not an attempt to solicit the business or clients of other speech coaches. Should not be considered as legal or medical advice.
The Flawless Speech ?2021 by Wayne D. Lewis, Sr.