How To Define And Sturdily Achieve Your Intended Life: See What Worked For Me!

If you are like me, who was not born in a golden cradle, we probably share most of life values and principles. Let it be said, only a few of the world’s population are inherently born on a successful & happiness burning platform. If we can use the Pareto 20/80 principle, we can safely say that the successful people in the world are just less than 20% while the unsuccessful sadly make the other majority of more that 80%. Within this article, I am sharing my life experience on how being connected to right people real shapes one's intended life. Interestingly, I learned that our lives are governed by natural laws which always work for anyone practicing them, either deliberately or accidentally. Yes, I mean if you happen to be following the rules of successful and happy people, you will end up becoming one of them. The contrary is also true.

Through my life, I went through horrible adversities which I happened to overcome them by employing the strategies I am sharing with you in this article. At that time I had no clue of their effectiveness. I honestly applied those strategies accidentally. Well, my gut might have played a role there.

Now that I know the rules and values of life, I can interpret what I am today as a result of those strategies I applied in the past, which I perceive them to be very consistent with what I achieve so far. This is my "Aha" moment. Every stuff I read about self-development, I easily align with my values and goals and start to practice right away. If you still want to grow and consolidate your happiness, I trust you will find this article radical, yet helpful.  

You should agree with me that generally people belonging to the few privileged group (people living on a successful & happy platform), will consistently live a successful life, generation to generation. Why is so? These people live in their own sub-world, under specific rules and values that make them more successful and naturally allowing for growing successful children as well. Yes, this group see the world differently from the masses.

In the other fold is where the other majority of people live in. There are also specific rules and values that unfortunately tend to hold back everyone belonging to this group and perpetuate the failure and misery, generation to generation. People who are part of this group live without purpose, they have a strong belief on lucky and blessing for them to become successful and happy.

In the other hand, there are the successful people who have strong confidence in themselves, and deliberately manipulate the environment and actually forge the life they want to live.

Ordinary people tend to live in the illusion of wealth which ends up catalyzing their financial dependence and failure, down to abusing substances and junk food diet which deteriorates their health, which later pray for while lying on hospital beds. These are people living on a failure and misery platform.

By reading this article you are demonstrating your commitment to bridging from the misery & unhappiness to a successful & happy platform. What you need is learning and practicing the rules and values of successful and happy people which are brought in here. So far, it might sound easy. However, you will have to be really committed to making substantial changes into your life, which will set you at hardish and pulls you off your comfort zone. You will have to abandon your status quo.

The most challenging of the changes is that you will certainly live lonely. Yes, by embracing the values of the few 20%, you will automatically be in conflict with the values of the 80% of who you currently may belong to. Are you still committed to change your life for better? If your answer is yes, then accept my congratulations and I welcome you to the new world. While there are plenty traits you need to embody in order to set yourself on the track towards your new intended life, I summarized in three points (below) the strategies that worked for me and surely will quickly get you started.

1. Decide what you want your desired life to be

I was born in a family which was an example of a perfect platform for my failure and misery live. My mom is just a countrywoman, with very little education (only grade 5), and my dad was just educated just enough for being able to read and write (I can’t tell how farther he went with his education but certainly was less than that of my mom). My dad worked in neighboring country South Africa as a miner. The whole family of my mom and dad were generally illiterate and financially the failure. Now you understand what was my most probable destiny? Maybe I would have ended as an illiterate miner too.

My dad vanished in 1990 (I was 8 years), while we were living in a camping area due to civil war. Before he left, he sold anything of value he owned. After the camping got dismantled following the end of the civil war, we relocated to my maternal grandfather's home, where we lived for one year. My mom got married to another man and I temporarily lived with my uncle. Living with my uncle meant staying about 20 km away from school, which made it impossible to walk up and down every day, and thus, I got forced to drop the grade 4 I was attending.

My mom managed to have me live with her at her new constituted family, which allowed me to go back to school. It was a better off family, with well-educated and financially stable individuals compared to my genuine family. However, living as a step-son brought me a whole of the related tedious and suffering one could expect.

I remember a conversation I had with mom when I approached her for complaining about how her husband’s relatives were abusing me when she was away. She boldly told me the following: "My son, you need to understand that life will never be the same again, my husband is not your father, he will hardly treat you as a son, nor his relatives will. You have to be grateful because now you can have something to eat and importantly you can go to school. Forget about parental protection. You are a father of yourself and your younger brother. You have to forge your own way for better life".

My mother's words were hard to digest, but that was the reality. I was just 10 years, I started to think of life forward. My step-father has a brother who was already a businessman and a looked at him and said, when I grow-up, I want to be a businessman like him. At that time I did not have any idea on how to turn that dream into reality but kept dreaming of that. I early involved myself in informal works and selling that earned me some little money, which I used for my own education and of my brother. I essentially educated myself from grade 5 trough out to university studies.

You see, I dreamed of being a businessman and ended getting a substantial life. I avoided a disaster of failure and misery. By that time I was not aware of the power of deliberately defining the life one wanted to be. You are very lucky because you now know of it. It’s never late, define your life right now. If you don’t define your future life, you are essentially choosing to live any life. If you are walking and don’t know where you are going, every way will happen to be right even if that is leading to an abyss.

Today, I am deliberately using this power of purposefully life definition. I have in mind that "big thing" which if accomplished I would consider my life to have meant something – it’s what some call it the one’s "life calling". Because I know it can be tedious to discover your calling (that big thing), I recommend you to pick a pen and a notebook and enlist a couple of big life goals, maybe 10 items. Then, you have to rank them from one to ten in the order of their relevance. Pick the one you will be proud of and you will enjoy working towards it because it’s going to be a marathon.

2. Identify and follow inspirational people (your heroes)

Knowing what you would like to achieve is just a start point. You need now to figure out how to effectively tackle your big dream. There are many ways you can do that, but it's not advisable to re-invent the wheel. The most effective way is to have people who can support or inspire you as you progress. Following the right people, who have walked the walk is the most certain and short way to achieve your dreams. There will be times when you will feel lonely and exhausted, these people will provide you the assurance that you will need to persevere.

My step-father's brother inspired me for becoming a businessman. He did not give me any advice or sort of coaching, I just observed his life, and I felt like what he did was the life I wanted in future. By keeping that desired image of my future I, it helped me experience the thoughts and practice the values of successful people – that guy certainly became my first virtual hero.

I while I was in grade 5, I studied with a neighboring colleague who turned into one of my best friends till today. He was from an educated family and had a solid protection and guidance of his family. This friend of mine always encouraged me to progress with my studies despite any uncertainties. Because I had stopped for two years, when I was in grade 11, he was already attending his first year at university (ISUTC), under a bursary scheme which benefited students graduating grade 12 with a mark of 80% or higher. He told me of the scheme and encouraged me to work hard in order to qualify for. So, I did.

I finished my grade 12 and applied for the bursary and got qualified. I remember, I was with my colleagues studying for public university admission examination, when my phone rang and it was a lady calling from ISUTC and told me that my bursary application was successful and that I had to travel to Maputo (a city which is about 600 km away from Inhambane province where I was living). Can you imagine what emotion flooded me? But there was one problem. The bursary covered only fees. Accommodation, food and any other kind of costs had to be on my own arrangement.

Relocating to Maputo implied stopping the selling activities which I depended on for making some money which paid my studies till grade 12. What then? I called my friend and told him that I was happy because I had been qualified for the bursary, however, I was afraid to formalize the registration as I did not have any idea of how I would pay for bills once relocated to Maputo. There my friend replied: "Well I also don’t have any idea on how you will be able to manage that…" He paused and said: "I think you have to kick the ball forward, the way is just ahead".

Basically, he left me to decide what course of action to take under that big uncertainty. I went home and told my mom of the bursary good news, and pointed out the concern of the coming difficult for paying for the living expenses and for school material. My mom just replied "I think you are a lucky person, that’s why you got awarded this bursary. Once there, you will figure out the means for living." I decided to travel the next day for registration.

You see, I had my mom and my friend pushing me to pass that intimidating uncertainty. The decisions I made changed the whole course of my life. Indeed, I found means to survive the test of being a student who was uncertain of what eat. Today here I am, with my degree in Mechanical and Transportation Engineering, and a complete MBA. My mom and my friends are my heroes. The figure of my step-uncle also helped me shape the view of life in a different perspective other than that misery platform of my father's.

Starting my career, I have Mr. Cameron Smith, a Managing Director of Ronil Auto as my first coach. You know, bridging from student to being a professional requires one to have a visionary and inspirational boss capable of training you for endurance, focus, determination, integrity, resilience, grit, among other professional traits that are never covered by the formal education. I have seen many intelligent people who struggle to advance their careers and waste the potential since they continue to operate with the student mindset.

It’s the time to make your critical decision. Make it now. Pick someone you believe can help you to achieve the objectives you have just defined. I will tell you one thing, your best friends or relatives may not the right people for the purpose. And there will be times where you may dissociate with some good people who just can’t help you and associate with strangers who can skyrocket you. You know, that best friend of mine who happened to be my hero yesterday, I don’t rely on him today for advice. My life expectations have just upgraded, which means I need also to upgrade inspirational figures.

3. Set and work your plan

If you have already defined your life calling (that big thing) and have set the strategy for working towards it, which can include the identification of at least an individual who will jump-start you, it’s time to have your workable plan. If you were just reading for understanding the whole idea before jumping to practice, you are not lost. Now, refer to point number one for defining your calling, and number two for picking your hero/es.

If you know your big thing that makes your heart tick, you are in a position to rearrange all facets of your life towards the single aim. You should know what skills you need to develop, what literature to read, what kind of individuals you need to associate with, what are habits and associations that drag you back that you have to run away from, and so forth. If you have picked a right person, he can help you to get these things right – that’s why I strongly recommend you to pick one.

I can imagine that if you have set, a serious life calling, it may take you many years to get there. Of course, all depends on the effectiveness of the strategy you will adopt. You have to break your life calling into yearly goals, which will be your motivation for celebration at the end of each year. Your yearly goal needs to be broken down into tasks tied to your daily activities.

Don’t waste much time thinking your plan, as you'll never get it fine right away. Good plans are always iterated. Write your draft and then improve it. Make it simple and lean so that you save your energy for actual execution.

Your plan has to be visual to you and for those who are important to you, like your family, your good friends and your hero (a.k.a. coach). By not keeping your plan secret, you are opening yourself to those important people of you to provide you with support and suggestions, at the end all of this will increase your level of commitment and thus increase the odds of success.

I have daily tasks which are connected to my calling. I know how to get people who can help me on what I am still struggling with. The books I read and development courses I take are aligned with that big thing of mine. I recently committed to writing one article per week and my family knows of this activity as well as some of my best friends. Since my declaration of intent, I have been consistent on my delivery of articles. This is the power of planning and commitment.

Now, you understand why you have to design your plan? If you are really committed to change your life, stop procrastinating. Get started right away. Remember this is the deliberate way for you to actual forge the life you desire and importantly, this is what will make your life purposeful.

If you found this article helpful please give it a like, share with loved people and please don’t forget to comment which is the way to give feedback.

You I recommend you to read my previous Articles: Expelling the evil sabotaging Your Success and How the which explains how to trust one's gut.

Felisberto Bila - Business Consultant, Entrepreneur, Corporate Culture Shaper, Personal Development Coach.