How deep is your coach ?

A few years ago I spoke to a coach because things weren't working out in my business.

To the outside world I looked successful but I wasn't enjoying what I was doing.

Although when it comes to 'doing the work' I've always found it easy,

like a lot of people in my line of work the real struggle was finding clients.

I've always said,

if you lined me up an endless stream of people with problems rooted in their thoughts, feelings and behaviours

I could just 'knock 'em down' one by one, without any problem.

You only have to look at the number of programs out there on client attraction,

to understand that this is a problem many coaches and therapists have.

Anyway, back to my story.

I spoke to a coach because despite knowing how to do marketing,

and successfully being able to help other people with theirs,

I was really struggling with my own.

Now, there's a long time that I've understood that I can't fix my own problems.

As a coach, I know that sometimes you need an external perspective to see what's going on.

So I spoke to this coach, who I won't name.

And I explained that I was really struggling to get sales.

They told me that I was better than this,

that I was letting everybody down.

That I had greatness inside me that I just needed to let out.

They said I needed to believe in myself.

They told me that my family were looking up to me to provide security and support,

That I wasn't doing it and it was time I man'ed up.

and took action.

They threw all kinds of 'motivation' at me...

I'm not going to lie,

I cried after that call.

For me this was not motivation.

I already knew the things I should be doing,

the problem was I wasn't doing them.

And no matter how hard I tried I COULD NOT make these things happen.

I was desperate, and from where I was,

that motivation felt more like abuse.

All I've ever wanted since I've been doing this work is to make a difference in people's lives,

and here was this person telling me I just needed to

want it more.

I don't hold it against the coach,

I honestly believe they really were trying to do the best for me with their limited understanding.

(But obviously I didn't sign up with them to take it further)

That call left me worse off for several months.

I felt totally and utterly useless.

It wasn't until sometime later in desperation I opened up to a colleague,

something I would very rarely do,

who works in a very similar way to me.

I explained the situation to them and in a totally non-judgmental, loving way,

they went straight to the core of the problem

and helped me release it.

They didn't tell me what I should be doing,

they asked me what was happening,

and we looked for the reason why.

I cleared so much built up frustration, negative thoughts, negative beliefs and trauma,

in that 90-minute call,

that the changes were instant

and yet took months for the changes to become fully apparent.

That's the difference between 'coaching' (in inverted commas) as some people are taught it,

and deep mindset work around identity, beliefs and thoughts.

The work around who you are being,

not what you're doing.

This is the work I do.

This is the work I can help you with.

So...

If you understand that the things that hold you back are not about motivation,

but rather,

are about what's going on in your head.

That your results in life are about who you are,

and what you do is a result of who you are,

and you recognise that who you are being right now isn't working...

Then I want to invite you to a conversation.

I promise I will not try to 'motivate' you.

I will not belittle your personal life experience by telling you that you just need to take more action

Instead we will have a deep conversation about

what it is you want

what it is you don't want

and why you're not getting enough of the first

and too much of the second.

If that's a conversation that feels right

then reach out and connect with me,

I really do want the best for you,

and I understand that you didn't get to this point on purpose.

So let's look at where you are, and what we can do about it.

I've had a lot of these conversations and they can be very powerful,

and if you want more that is always open to you too.

Let's talk