How death cleaning can free you from a lifetime of clutter

Part 1 – What is it?

Swedish death cleaning sounds rather gloomy but is the Scandi lifestyle trend for anyone - or any business - inclined to hoard. Death cleaning is about getting your house in order by de-cluttering with an added, compelling twist.

The gentle art of death cleaning, D?st?dning, is a way of life for many Swedes. It is a fundamental principle of good Feng Shui, the practice of mindful living which has been around for 4,000 years.  When using Feng Shui to improve peoples’ homes, de-cluttering is invariably the place to start for a very good reason. We can’t attract more opportunities into our lives if there is no room for them to take root.

This time of year is an ideal moment to get our homes sorted, shedding the surplus in advance of Christmas, with the extra deluge that brings. Our aim is to make it as easy as possible to accommodate festive visitors traipsing through them with their sherry and mince pies. 

Less stuff means less friction.  Less stress allows Christmas to be that luxurious time of year when we can relax, retreat and indulge with impunity.

What is death cleaning?  

D?st?dning is a hybrid of two Swedish words meaning ‘death’ and ‘cleaning’. It’s not morbid as it may first sound because it’s about promoting life – life in the home. Nor has it anything to do with a mop and a duster. However it can liberate you and yours from a lifetime of hoarding. 

Death clearing is a very practical approach to living well that is popular with the Swedes. There is absolutely no reason why we too should follow their lead, ridding ourselves of the things we no longer need as we go rather than allowing them to accumulate over the years. If not, we’ll have to confront this daunting task later in life when we have less energy for it. Or when down-sizing forces it upon us.

Avoidance

There is a way around death cleaning and that is to casually leave the responsibility for others to deal with after we’ve passed away. If you’ve ever had to clear stuff on behalf of a loved one, you’ll know what an onerous and heart-rending task this can be, especially if you live at the other end of the country or even on another continent. 

Death cleaning advocates a smoother less fractious handover. It requires us as the originators to take responsibility for our excess while we are still alive – preferably by taking stock multiple times a year as more stuff is constantly flowing into our lives. 

 Advantages

The advantages of death cleaning are immediate and tangible and a powerful incentive for pursuing it. When law and order reign supreme in the home, it’s easier on us physically, mentally and emotionally. Why make life more difficult than it already is? With a death cleaning routine has been implemented, daily life can run more smoothly and unnecessary complications are avoided. Less distraction means less stress makes for more happiness and contentment. The deep-seated pleasure of being greeted by a calm, clear and organised home is not to be dismissed as marginal. Living smaller is such a relief.

I regularly work with people whose cluttered, unfinished homes are driving them insane. Do not underestimate how stressful it is when our homes are not how we’d like them to be and we don’t have enough time to fix them. When the home is not the restorative environment we instinctively know it can be, the stress hormone levels of everybody under the same roof shoot up.

The number of times I’ve left a home after a consultation and witnessed peoples’ spirit lift as their load lightens through decluttering. I left one bachelor on his doorstep with nine black bin bags and a huge grin on his face as he anticipated the new relationship he’d made room for. One year later he’d not only found her he’d married her and they’d moved to the east coast together.

Flow

When we are young having too much stuff can be irritating and we have to work harder to achieve what we want with this surplus around. However we have plenty of energy to deal with it. When we are older, the same irritation holds true but we have less energy to cope with it. As we age we are naturally less nimble and it helps to have streamlined our environment so we can move unhindered through it. Simplification and orderliness make it easier to stay well and on top of things. 

The argument that the uncluttered approach favours one personality type who likes to be organised and in control of their lives is a fallacy that can hold us back. When a river is blocked by rocks and debris and cannot flow freely, it will eventually burst its banks. The same is true for us.

Footprint

Death clearing makes us consciously aware of the footprint we are leaving as we tread. There can be no exclusion. No blissful ignorance or denial of what is ours to be responsible for. Our footprint is unique to us like a thumbprint. It includes each and every one of our possessions, down to the very last piece of paper generated by us, and including the cyber trail we leave behind on social media.

 Where we go, what we do, and how we do it leaves an imprint. Where we linger – particularly where we spend our waking or sleeping hours – will record a heavier footprint, which permeates the very fabric of our walls, our furniture, and our clothes.

This is known as ‘predecessor history’ in Feng Shui – and why it is important to ask who occupied our home before us and what kind of psychic imprint they’ve left behind, which we can inadvertently inherit. A physical footprint that disturbs us can be removed by redecorating, and new carpets. The psychic footprint of a troubled soul or an unhappy family may need space cleansing to remove their trace and prevent lingering negativity impacting us.

Inheritance

Our surplus can quickly mount up to become an irritation that saps our energy and restricts our progress in life, without us being consciously aware of the cause. This can be aggravated when we inherit belongings from others who have passed away. 

For example, there is mother’s elegant cabinet full of china that dominates the dining room when only one piece out of many has any sentimental value to us. We feel we can’t let go of the rest - or the cabinet it is housed in - out of respect to her. On the contrary we are being disrespectful to ourselves by tolerating a piece of furniture we don’t want in our home yet belong to someone else, who in this instance, is no longer alive. We may ponder where else in our life we may be tolerating a behaviour, in deference to someone else or a situation, rather than be true to ourselves.

Relationship

The gold dust in death cleaning comes when we recognise that our environment is the outer projection of our inner state of mind reflected back to us. What a revelation this is! As a therapist, this is exactly the sweet spot I seek to work with. The death cleaning practice then becomes deeply therapeutic as we confront the emotional issues that we’ve neatly side-stepped and are continuing to drag behind us in a big black bag.

Only by facing the things we own in their entirety - by taking hold of each in turn and experiencing any feelings they evoke – can we really understand the relationship we have with it. What emotional content do they contain? What do they represent? Is it still appropriate to be giving them our attention by retaining them rather than letting them go? Each item can reveal our attitude towards a moment in the past when we acquired it, or our anticipation of the future we are preparing for by holding onto it. 

Death cleaning creates transparency. The process can bring into sharp relief the things we truly value and that make our heart sing. Or those things we are coveting through fear. Purposeful decluttering can help us come to terms with our own mortality. Getting rid of belongings can help us be more comfortable with the fact that things were not designed to stay around forever, ourselves included.

Our legacy

Death cleaning calls upon us not only to be aware of our footprint but to do something about it while we are alive. Living more mindfully avoids someone else having to step up after we’ve passed away. Depending on how much preparation we’ve done could mean an onerous task for our ‘post-decessors’ (opposite of predecessors) as they divest themselves of our material possessions, without any real understanding as to what value or significance they had to us. This can leave them feeling guilty, wanting to dispose of things they don’t need but believing they must store them out of respect to us. This is not a healthy legacy for either party.

It is common for the inherited surplus to drift upwards into the attic because it has nowhere else to go. There it hangs over us while we’re in bed like a migraine we try to sleep off. Or we spend the rest of our lives waiting for the predecessor’s ‘permission’ to release it. Or for a professional like me to advise on the negative impact it’s having on our lives before we are willing to allow it to flow through us.

Death cleaning might encourage the donor to have the conversation about their belongings with their beneficiaries while they are still alive. Some benefactors prefer to witness the joy their gifts bring rather than wait for their treasures to be dispensed until after they’ve gone.

How much more rewarding it would be for beneficiaries to discover their predecessor’s affairs in a pared back, orderly manner. This leaves them with the delightful task of getting to know us in a deeper, richer way by focusing on the important things – the golden moments, our greatest achievements and the occasions that changed our lives forever. Why have them wade through angry divorce correspondence or hoardings we’ve been too lazy to do something about? Death cleaning sets out to spare our post-decessors unnecessary suffering by purposefully preparing the ground for what they will be exposed to. What greater legacy can we leave for those we love?

Part 2– How to do it

How death cleaning can free you from a lifetime of clutter

 Swedish death cleaning sounds rather gloomy but is the Scandi lifestyle trend for anyone or any business inclined to hoard. Death cleaning is about getting your house in order by de-cluttering with an added, compelling twist.

Seasonality

The majority of homes have too much stuff. The owners are trying to accommodate more than there is room for and it’s stifling. Very few people get the balance right. Over-filled cupboards and tightly-packed drawers provide storage solutions but nothing can breathe or flow through them. 

The Swedish make sure they stay on top of this by trimming back their belongings several times a year and we would do well to adopt this practice. There are three opportune moments for seasonal death cleaning. The first is in the Autumn when the days are shorter and we turn our attention inwards, more inclined to stay indoors than be out and about. Autumnal pruning of our homestead hoardings will also prepare us and the home for the influx of Christmas.

The next opportunity for de-cluttering is in the Spring. As the days become lighter and warmer, we have a desire to throw open the windows and allow fresh opportunities to breeze in. This is also a popular season for moving house. It’s better to declutter before moving rather than take it with us so as to make a fresh start with the things that are truly important to us now. This is particularly significant when two people come together to live under one roof. We do not want the remains of our previous lives interfering with the current relationship.

When there is a lot of furniture to sort through and contents to be cleared, the summer holidays are an excellent time for this. When the weather is fine we can easily spill outdoors with our stuff, hire a skip, and be more inclined to make numerous trips to the charity shops or the recycle depot. Be prepared for this project to takes weeks to complete because it’s likely to have taken years for it to have accumulated. The payoff is enormous. After we’ve finished, we will feel more refreshed, renewed and restored – as good as any summer holiday could ever deliver. And this will stand us in good stead over the months and years ahead.

How to go about death cleaning

Handling the different categories of belongings, one at a time, is the best way to proceed. Start by gathering all the stuff from the same category together in one place such as kitchenware, food items, garden utensils, outdoor pursuits, clothes, books, papers. Only in this way can we appreciate the full extent of what we own in each category and not delude ourselves by having stockpiles of related items tucked away in cupboards, spare rooms – or even at a friend or parent’s house.    

Get everything out of the cupboards and drawers all at the same time. It’s overwhelming to start with but it’s the only way we can get to grips with how much we possess of any one thing. If it creates such a mountain that it brings the room to a standstill don’t worry. Be prepared for this to happen – even to sleep in another room if necessary while the process is underway. This is still the more efficient and effective way to undertake decluttering. 

Begin with the stuff that relates to shared living. Someone (NB the some ‘one’ means a person and not a committee) must take responsibility for the well-being of the whole and be empowered to act on this. We start with communal belongings (like kitchenware) because we have less attachment to them and can find it easier to make impartial judgements about what can be disposed of without fear of it bringing the roof down. This is a good warm up for death cleaning proper. As we begin to experience how good the space looks and feels with less, we are more motivated to continue and be confident we are doing it right. Eventually we are able to handle our personal effects like clothes, mementos and papers with ease and less hesitation. These items can be more challenging to let go of because they have sentimental value or more of our identity is wrapped up in them. This is not a good reason for holding onto them all; one or two items that are representative souvenirs are quite sufficient.

As a parent we may need to take responsibility for our children who are simply too young to understand or make conscious decisions about their belongings for themselves. By watching us take stock of our lives, they can learn vicariously what responsible living looks and feels like and will set out to replicate this when they are old enough to take control of their own space. 

I was invited to coach a teenager with dyslexia whose room was continually in a mess, which made it even more difficult for her to concentrate on studying. By working with her and encouraging her to decide for herself what to keep and what to shed, not only did she quickly grasp the principles of de-cluttering, she is now the greatest advocate for the entire household.

Myth

Let’s dispel the myth that de-cluttering is dangerous. There is a fear that as soon as we release something, we will have recourse to need it again and no longer have it. 

It’s true this can happen but it shouldn’t stop us taking action. This is simply our mind playing tricks, tantalising us with regrets and attempting to make us feel guilty. In the grand scheme of death cleaning what if we do give away a few belongings we later need again. It still means we will have let go of hundreds of others in the process. So what if we have to purchase them again, hire or borrow those items to get a job done. 

Should a piece of paper go missing and be required again, it’s not that difficult to obtain a replica. We may discover something else in the process that’s of value to us which we would never have come across otherwise. The last time this happened it led me to submit claim I had not even considered up until then yet resulted in a significant refund.  

Trigger points

Once we’ve reached middle-age (whatever that means to us), there is a natural turning of the out-bound tide. In the first half of our life there is a drive towards growth, expansion, acquisition. We live under the illusion that we alone are in control of our destinies and the world and all its rich pickings are there for our taking. Then we reach a point where the drive to accumulate no longer provides the over-arching motivation. This moment may coincide with decreasing responsibilities to provide for the family and a desire to work less hard. 

A career change may be indicated. Or a return to work of a different nature. It’s as though a switch occurs inside that shifts us from a material focus to a spiritual outlook. This shift can also be triggered by the menopause (in both men and women) which jolts us into down-sizing to the coast or up-sizing to the country. 

These are the ideal moments to undertake death cleaning in earnest. Not that it’s recommended to leave all our de-cluttering until then. Years of accumulation will take months of effort, sorting and sifting, before our outer footprint begins to resemble the inner shift that has occurred inside us.  

The Bagua

This is where the Feng Shui tool, the Bagua map, comes into its own. The Bagua map, whose wisdom is derived from the I Ching Book of Changes, identifies there are eight key areas to our lives – eight good fortunes. The principle is that only by paying attention to all eight (not necessarily all at the same time) do we achieve optimum balance and contentment. The Bagua helps us to identify which areas of our life are being neglected and therefore which we should prioritise first – and then to locate where these sectors occupy our home.

Let’s say, for example, the ‘wealth and abundance’ area of our life is not flourishing. The first step is to locate this sector on the floor plan and inspect what is occurring there. If we discover this corner is full of unsorted belongings, bookshelves filled to bursting, or rammed full with furniture, this is definitely the place to start purging to encourage more money and abundance to flow again.

Similarly, if we discover the ‘love and marriage’ area of the home is neglected and contains all things broken and yet to be discarded, we may be shocked to observe the correspondence with our love life. Then this section of the home becomes the place to start de-cluttering in the spirit of fostering good relationships.

When I was single I rented a ground floor flat that had what we refer to as a ‘missing corner’ in Feng Shui. This piece corresponded to ‘love and marriage’ and lay outside the footprint of the building. It was a mass of broken slabs, overgrown weeds and surrounded by an overpowering hedge that blocked the light to my bedroom and made it feel damp and dingy. Short of funds, I still recognised the importance of fixing it with due haste. I split the cost of reclaiming the ‘love and marriage’ corner with my landlord by persuading him to chop the hedge, remove the slabs, and lay new gravel into which I embedded two stone hearts. Within a week of rectification, a five-figure sum made a remarkable appearance in my bank account. Indeed this was the consequence of an action I’d taken a year previous. However I had no idea at the time if this action would lead to anything, what the amount might be or when I might receive it. The synchronicity with upgrading the ‘love and marriage’ corner was fascinating.

The Bagua can therefore help us identify which areas of life are most at risk and threatened by the densest piles of clutter. This brings into sharp relief where to start death cleaning to achieve the greatest effect. Knowing what’s at stake can motivate us to get underway in earnest while also acknowledging the tangible effect this action is having on our outer lives.

 Decluttering Sabbatical

When there is a lot of death cleaning to catch up on, the idea of taking a sabbatical from work to deal with it and in support of an important life transition is very attractive and sensible. Taking a month or two off to get our house in order can reap rich rewards immediately that can more than compensate for lack of earnings. Do not underestimate how enormously time-consuming it can be to work through every inch of our space. This can be extra challenging whilst holding down a full-time job which takes us away from home particularly if we’re raising a family at the same time. But we need to find the time nevertheless otherwise the clutter will take over our lives, grinding them to a halt, or drive us insane - or both.

Allowing our belongings to pass through our hands also enables us to complete with the past and prepare us for a brighter, less dense future. The shape of what is to come will also become more evident automatically and greatly aided by de-cluttering. When there is a desire for change in our work or personal life and we are unclear what form this should take try this. Go through the home from top to bottom. Let go of everything we no longer need and re-positioning what remains into a fresher, more appropriate arrangement. Don’t stop until this is complete even if it takes several long days. The sense of relief is enormous while the ideas that occur in the process can be surprising and can lead us into pastures new.

The act of death cleaning is an act of gratitude - a way of saying ‘thank you’ to our home for having nurtured us and provided us with continuous shelter. It’s too easy to take our homes for granted. Both the Romans and the Ancient Greeks understood this well and paid homage to the goddess of the hearth called Vesta and Hestia respectively. Besides, whatever clutter we let go of through death cleaning cannot help but be returned to us as the very thing - or the very opportunity - we need the most in the present moment.

Mary Nondé is a Feng Shui & Death Cleaning consultant for homes and businesses. www.marynonde.com/contact www.fengshuiconsultant.co.uk