How to Deal With Rejection at Work or While Looking for Work

Rejection is hard, no matter the context. But it is important to learn and grow from workplace rejection instead of wallowing in it. Here, we explore how to handle rejection in the job search and the workplace.?

By Lora Korpar

Everyone has dealt with rejection at least once. Whether you are a cashier at a local grocery store or the CEO of a major corporation, rejection never feels good.

“If you are in the game, you're going to get rejected, and not searching for a job because of fear of rejection is really just choosing rejection ahead of time,” said Elissa Shuck , a strategic career coach.

So how do we change our thoughts around rejection and turn it into a learning experience?

Jia Jiang is the president and CEO of Rejection Therapy. He has also done a TED talk and written a book about overcoming rejection. Kyle Elliott is a career and interview coach focused on senior managers and executives in tech companies.

I spoke with Jiang, Shuck, and Elliott to explore how to handle rejection in the job search and workplace.

Ways We Experience Rejection

Most people experience their first workplace rejections during their job search. Rejection is so common that Jiang called it the “centerpiece of a job search experience.” Research from career coach and author Orville Pierson found that most job seekers receive rejections an average of 24 times before securing a “yes,” the Los Angeles Times reported.

“In many job openings, a few hundred people are applying to each role and one person typically lands that opportunity,” Elliott said. “So there's more rejection than there is acceptance in the process, and that's important to recognize."

We all hear stories like when The Beatles were rejected by the first record label they auditioned for before propelling to megastardom. And we’re told we have to wait for our “big break.” But optimism can start to falter after four rejections, let alone 24.

Also, rejection doesn’t end once you have a job offer. Jiang, Shuck and Elliott say workplace rejection can take many forms like not landing a promotion or raise, rejected ideas, blocked from working at home or not developing a work relationship as fast as you wanted.

“If you feel like your career is going in a certain direction, you want to get promoted. But almost everyone wants to get promoted,” Jiang said. “And by nature, it's a pyramid. The higher you go to the top, the fewer positions there are. So a lot of people will get rejected.”

Shuck says rejection can impact your self-worth if you let it.

“Whether it's rejection in a job search or in the workplace, we give meaning to the circumstances that we find ourselves in,” Shuck said. “So if you're making it mean something about you, then you're going to feel a different emotion than if you just decide this [rejection] doesn't mean anything about me. We can choose thoughts that make us feel bad or we can choose thoughts that make us feel good, or at least neutral.”

Combating Negative Thoughts After Rejection

Shuck says the first step to growing from rejection is to change how we think about it. The chances of being hired by the first company you apply to are slim. So it is important to view rejection as part of the job search process instead of taking each rejection personally.

“[Not letting rejection affect your self-worth] is about looking at every single interaction you have in a job search and detaching from the outcome,” Shuck said. “So go into an interview and do your best, go in curious and with an ease and certainty about what you bring to the table. But detaching from [the idea of] that conversation resulting in anything is a way to know if it ends up in rejection, then it's OK. I did my best and I'm moving on.”

Jiang said it is important to recognize it only takes one “yes” to launch a career.

“The funny thing about the job search is it's not always a numbers game. The number is skewed,” Jiang said. “It depends on how you see it because if you're looking at an employer’s perspective, they're filling one or a few jobs from about hundreds of people. But from an employee perspective, all you need is one job.”

Elliott likes to ask his clients who are taking rejection personally to identify which aspect of their rejection was personal.

“Once they ask themselves that they realize, ‘This person doesn't know anything about me. All they know is my resume, my LinkedIn profile or the interview process,’” Elliott said. “Recognize they're not rejecting you as a person. They're simply saying someone else is more uniquely qualified for this role.”

Shuck added that you don’t have to change your thoughts following a rejection from sad to happy. Even being neutral about rejection can help move past it. She also recommended writing your thoughts as they come to you. Then you can review and challenge them.

“Writing down all the thoughts will help you realize that these are only sentences in your brain,” Shuck said. “People think what they're thinking is just reporting the news, but that's not actually true.”

Jiang also suggested evaluating why you were rejected to gain insight into the employer’s thought process.

“If you focus on people's reasoning, there's always incentives or motivation to people rejecting you,” Jiang said. “If you can solve their motivation and their incentives, there are times you can possibly turn a no into a yes.”

Elliott added that having someone in your corner to talk to, whether a career coach or friends and family, will help you process the rejection

“When [my clients’] confidence has taken a beating, one thing I like doing is having them text a few people saying, ‘Hey, what makes me fabulous?’” Elliott said. “It’s a confidence boost to brighten their spirits and make them feel better… And then you can leverage that the next time you go and ask for a raise, a promotion or an interview. Say, ‘This is a theme three or four different people noticed about me.’”

Elliott and Jiang also suggested making a game out of rejection to take some of its power away. See how many rejections you can collect in a week. And if you get an acceptance, that will become a pleasant surprise.

“So instead of saying, ‘I have to get a yes,’ I will say ‘OK, I'm not going to quit at two [applications]. I reached out to this many people,’” Jiang said.

Turning Rejection Into a Learning Experience

“Look at all the successes you've had in your career, and see which of these were possible with no chance of rejection,” Elliott said. “You'll realize in every success in life, there is some possibility of rejection.”

The risk of rejection will never disappear, so we have to learn to cope with it. The key to handling rejection is to turn it into something useful that you can apply to future opportunities.

Shuck says this involves reflecting on what you did, congratulating yourself for completing it and giving yourself an honest evaluation. Explore what worked, what didn’t work and what to change next time. Elliott asks his clients to write 10 things they did well in their job interviews to add fuel to positive behaviors.

“It's about being a compassionate witness to our own brains,” Shuck said. “There's an insecure person with imposter syndrome hovering around in there – that inner voice that is scared of failure. Being that witness to it and saying, ‘I don't have to lean into those thoughts and feelings,’ and ‘I can actually let those pass by and be a witness to it instead of engaging it,’ is really helpful.”

Jiang said in workplace rejection scenarios, you can ask the person who rejected your request or idea for feedback. Then apply the feedback to the next project. He added that it is important for managers to create a work environment that promotes constructive criticism. That way, those receiving rejection can accept it without taking a mental health hit.

“From a company perspective, it's better than ever to have a culture where people can be open and candid with each other,” Jiang said.

Elliott said people tend to see a rejection and immediately apply to more jobs out of anxiety. Instead, he recommends taking a short break to recharge and practice self-care.?

However, don’t give up, because not trying will guarantee you won’t advance in your career. Jiang says people don’t notice all your failures, but they notice your successes.

“It’s almost as if when you get rejected there are people lining up in front of your house and protesting that you suck and you are not capable,” Jiang said. “But in reality, no one cares about your failures because everyone's very much wrapped up in their own insecurities and failures.

“But if you succeed [at finding] your dream job or succeed at work at getting your ideas through, then people actually care because people want to succeed like you did. So then you become a role model and an inspiration for other people.”

Top takeaways

How to cope with rejection during the job search

• Everybody deals with rejection, so you should treat it as part of the work and job search process.
• People tend to blame themselves when rejected, but most rejections aren’t personal.
• Challenge negative thoughts around rejection by fostering more positive self-talk and confiding in your loved ones.
• After a rejection, reflect on what you did well and what you should work on. Also, don’t be afraid to accept constructive criticism.
• Remember, people don’t notice your failures, but they notice your successes.