How to Deal with People Who Dislike You

One of my favorite jokes I’ve told in recent memory goes like this:

“To understand why men abandon their children so easily, look at the way they treat their sperm.”

I get a lot of female laughs from this and it’s basically summarized how I’ve dealt with people who actively dislike me and who try to sabotage my work.

Several months ago I was going through anger management classes, and as a supplement to it I went to therapy to deal with the rage I had against my father.

A few months before my Mom passed from cancer, I asked my aunt from my father’s side if he would have some time to talk to her or me since it was looking like my Mom wouldn’t be able to make it.

I knew my father had a right to say no, but still was quite surprised to hear that--in the midst of dealing with my Mom’s health, juggling my own business, driving back and forth between Irvine and Palm Springs, I just had to block out so many things in order to function--I definitely wasn’t happy about it but it did teach me a little bit about how little people truly do care even when it comes to people they’ve had children with or their children really at all.

But nevertheless I was able to deal with organizing the funeral and dealing with the estates, and during that time I experienced what it was like witnessing her boyfriend who had less assets than her prioritize an estate over her health.

I don’t blame him for it, but I made a mental note to not get involved with men who could potentially do this to me and my future children--he had a lot of advantages growing up, being American, being Caucasian, having a family that stayed together, yet still asked with his hand out from my mother like a boy asking for an allowance.

It was disgusting to me on many levels I couldn’t comprehend but it is also why I am such an advocate of women only choosing masculine men who are leaders who are there to provide for their family instead of grown boys who forever want to be Peter Pans.

After things were more settled down, I decided to reach out to my biological father via FB messenger since I had some questions to ask him, and after a few exchanges of words (of which I was not the most pleasant, I will admit) he blocked me on Facebook.

He absolutely had a right to do whatever he wanted on social media accounts, but I had to deal with the aftermath.

After talking to my anger management teacher about it, she setup a therapy session for me.

Now, I believe that if something triggers you, it is time to pay attention because you are definitely about to learn something about yourself and other people.

The therapist I had listened to my description of me reaching out to my biological father, and he asked a really great question:

“What did you want to get from him?”

Now, I had already been annoyed by him checking his watch and nails and since I am an extremely petty person, I went off on him--I felt anger that not only did he understand why a daughter would want to reach out to her father, but my feelings that he was unprofessional, and of course the session was done because now I was angry at him and in my mind he was branded as mediocre (this is basically the worst thing I can think of anyone, since you had to choose to be mediocre)

I was phoning my soul sister in the car complaining about how shitty he was and she said to me something that helped me out tremendously.

She repeated his question. What do you want from your Dad seriously?

Her question took me back because she is one of the people I have the MOST respect for in the world.

After about 15 minutes with her I realized that my therapist and her were right.

You can’t get something from someone who has nothing to give.

One of the reasons why my mother divorced my father was that he was not able to provide as a father or a husband.

He never saw being a provider as a man as a responsibility to carry on but a burden to shirk from.

From the age of 5 until 10 when I was being raised by my extended family there was not one single phone call or letter from him.

Growing up there were many questions I had to ask but no way to answer them.

When I was in China, I would tell people yeah my parents are in the US, and I remember one person saying, you’re lying, they’re dead!

And honestly during those years while I will commend my mother calling me and writing me letters monthly (this was 1995-2000), emotionally I was definitely not the same from other people.

But I am glad that God put me through this because I know that he knew I was a tough cookie who could handle it and cared enough to excel in my life so I can share with others with my gift of writing.

But back to this--I am grateful for the relationship I have with my father’s sister as she was able to pass on information as a neutral party.

Through her I was able to find out that my father never wanted to be a father--although he felt being married was the thing to do for a man at his age, he never actually wanted kids.

I can absolutely understand and empathize with this sentiment and I will say it was unfortunate that circumstances happened this way.

I look at my birth like my multi-millionaire coach says: “I may not be wanted, but I will not be wasted.”

I absolutely have a ton of respect for my mother raising me as a single mother once her finances were sorted and I have a tremendous respect for women who kick out mediocre men, because I have first hand seen what kind of havoc an irresponsible man who does not have the ambition to protect and provide for their family can wreck on family and a society in whole.

To me, I deal with people who dislike me just like my biological father, I follow 3 steps:

1. Know that they have nothing to offer you & Case Somewhere Else
2. Go to people who can create win-win situations for you
3. Use obstacles to become stronger

Step 1: Know They Have Nothing to Offer You & Care Somewhere Else

In his 70s, my father has no money, no wife, no daughter, and no respect from people who know him.

Aside from giving me a last name with alliteration, and a chance at life, there is nothing he can offer me and I will not continue to torture myself by keep going to someone who has nothing to give (isn’t this just simply insanity??)

While of course I would have LIKED to have a good relationship with a male figure in my life, I don’t want to force it. I’ve always had mentors since I started my business in 2015 and have had great teachers who shaped my life and will continue to develop solid relationships that can help me advance in my life.

I’ve had men come up to me asking if I have nothing to offer why should I deserve a million dollar man, and I immediately knew this was the type of guy I never want to deal with because it shows how he was raised by women who constantly catered to him, probably had luck with women only based on looks or charm, and has never seriously shouldered the responsibility of caring for those who are under his care or never had someone trust him to appoint him to his care.

Ladies--if you want to have a happy life and to have future generations of children prosper, know that you don’t have to settle for a man who wants you to work like a slave--you can absolutely find a man who loves your energy, vitality, and really let’s face it--the way you look, who can MORE than protect and provide for you and future generations.

Ladies it is actually our fault that men have fallen this way--there are tribes in Africa where women banded together to not have sex with their husbands who have ended wars.

Why have we allowed grown boys who are in their 30s to run rampant in our society?

Ladies, remember--what you have to contribute is being a role model so that you continuously inspire him to be the best version of a man that he can be.

As for being a cook, a maid, a cleaner--the masculine man expressed to his fullest extent is never without finances, and once he figures out how much it costs he hires it out so that his woman can be a woman, raising her children and going to the best schools without having to be a slave to the kitchen to a man who could not figure out how to be a man and needs his woman’s financial help, and how little self-esteem she has for staying with such a do-nothing Peter Pan who can’t even afford a table to bring to a woman! But that is for another discussion.

How to Distinguish Mediocre vs. Great Men:

Great men generally excel in their fields, make no excuses about the economy, and always asks how he can contribute to my life or any way that he can help. The masculine expresses itself by overcoming problems and protecting those under his responsibility.

Mediocre men immediately ask with his hand out “what do you bring to the table”? Generally these men are financially a mess, coasted on their good looks or charm when they are younger, and are doomed to failure in their 30s and beyond if they do not get their act together quick, or they can settle for women who they are using to get themselves financially situated. And in that case lord help these ladies because they are gonna have a hard time raising their kids--alone, while the man goes out drinking and partying and doing drugs because he didn’t take the responsibility to sort his inner life out.

So basically step 1 is knowing when people don’t like you, know that they have nothing to offer you, not their approval, financial assistance, moral support, nothing, just take your “fucks” and take them somewhere else where they will be valued.

Step 2: Go to People Who Can Create Win-Win situations for You

When I engage in “hater” comments, it’s always because it can help me improve my FB algorithm visibility or SEO.

To the untrained eye I look like this crazy person (and I probably am inside), but it is all strategic--do not engage with people who have absolutely nothing to offer you and definitely cut off people who can only harm you.

But generally there is a win-win in life--for instance, someone enjoys your company and they visit you at your work and bring you lunch--he gets to spend time with you and you get free lunch. That is a win-win.

A beautiful young woman gets with a multi-millionaire who can provide for her a lifestyle she wants. Win-win.

A funny comedian marries a rich doctor wife so that she gets joy from her draining job and he is financially supported. Win-win.

A woman with low self-esteem and an addiction to approval marries a better looking and younger man who has not matured in his masculinity and continuously drowns his unhappiness in alcohol, drugs, and partying, has kids--LOSE LOSE INSANE DISASTER AFOOT.

Now when I look at guests for my podcast I always look at of course if they have a track record of reliability, excellence in what they do, but also if they can benefit from being on my podcast and if I can benefit from their audience/looks/expertise.

Always remember what you can offer someone else and pin point what they can do for you, and create a mutually beneficial exchange--that is business and if you can grasp that 50% of the world will now make sense to you and your life will be 100% easier.

Step 3: Use Obstacles to Become Stronger:

About 2 weeks ago at Harp Inn in Costa Mesa, a bunch of mediocre male comedians walked out on me as I congratulated them for making a statement.

I knew they had nothing because the only times I’ve protested walking out was in college and that was when I had no money and no influence, so I paid them no mind.

What was hilarious to me was when Mixed Obesity from the TrainwRecks Room went up to the mic and straight up told me to quit comedy.

I laughed in his face, clapped at his farce of an excuse of a set, and knew he was terrified of a little Asian girl who just started comedy about 40 days ago.

The day after the mass OC comic walkout, Dat Phan, the champion of Last Comic Standing of NBC, invited me to his open mic and applauded my set for being funny.

I knew then and there that God had an amazing sense of humor.

Since then not only have I killed it at most sets where these mediocre male comedians hang out, I’ve also had likes from Felipe Esparza on my Instagram story, a “you’re very funny” from Judy Carter, author of The Comedy Bible, from watching my TEDx talk (I wasn’t trying to be funny actively but HEY I will take it from this wonderful industry giant who taught Maz Jobrani also) , so I’m not super butt hurt.

And guess what--as a result of the OC comics walkout and the ban from OC Comedy Facebook page, not only have a reached a level of infamy that comics who’ve been doing it for 7-8 years have not reached, I’ve also gained numerous allies who have messaged me from LA and SD and all across the country because of my involvement in the LA Comedy Scene page (which is far superior, sorry not sorry).

Had I been any less me, I might have cried and quit comedy, but instead I spit in the face of Mixed Obesity and other mediocre critics who have no idea what it means to be dedicated to their art nor have any tenacity when it comes to the face of adversity. I hate bullies like this and I will always laugh when their career inevitability tanks.

So there you go folks, 3 steps to handling people who don’t matter at all, aka people who dislike you.

I hope you glean something and go with the Chinese philosophy of “good enough” and “who cares”so that you can move on with your life and go do big things.

Love,

Li

p.s.: love me, hate me, hate to love me? Check out www.funnymillionaires.com for the latest happenings in Li Lin world and check out amazing guests who are at the top of their field who can take a joke.