How to Deal with Naysayers, and How Negativity Can Actually Help You Be More Successful!

Whoa. 

I never would have guessed that a post about negativity would turn out to be my most controversial topic yet, check out the thread here. 

Just the mere mention of words like toxic, negative, bullies, etc. sparked a spectrum of reactions. It had me reflecting on the topic at hand, and I came to this decision: 

I'm cutting the phrase "toxic people" from my vocabulary altogether. 

I'm not saying that there are not plenty of people that need to be blocked and reported immediately, particularly when the situation feels dangerous, but always labeling people as "toxic" or 'haters" doesn't allow for self-reflection and growth.  

The best way to deal with stress-triggering people is to figure out why their actions are inducing a reaction from you in the first place. 

Awesome life coach extraordinaire and "You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" author, Jen Sincero, argues: 

“Things that bother us about other people bother us because they remind us of something that we don’t like about ourselves. Or their behavior triggers a fear or insecurity that we have but may not realize we have”

So, without further ado, here are the three things I've learned over the past few months about dealing with people that are detrimental to your happiness!

1. Ask yourself why this person is causing you pain. 

Using the example above, there are two reasons I can see that my stress was triggered.

1) I started working in social media during its infancy, and had to spend years not only selling my skills as an employee, but also the job function itself. I recognize that I need to address the insecurity I felt during the early stages of my career if I want to become more resilient to comments questioning my value as a marketer.

2) The person above uses patronizing language. As a woman in a male dominated workforce, you become vigilant for condescending comments, because you need to assert yourself if/when genders issues arise. I recognize that my fear lies in not being treated equally because of my gender. 

In both cases, knowledge is power, because the sooner you can work through whatever underlying issues are plaguing you, the sooner you can live your life fully! 

2. Shift your perspective. 

If somebody is acting irrationally, pause for a moment and consider the circumstances. 

I represent a challenge to societal norms.  

In a world set up to make girls constantly doubt their beauty, intelligence, and potentiality, a confident woman is a danger to society's ruling narrative.

I'm not supposed to have lots of followers or views on my posts, I'm not supposed to share photos of my face, I'm not supposed to call myself an expert, I'm not supposed to be so optimistic about my future, or celebrate small victories. 

But I do, and I am, and I'm unapologetic about it, and to some, that is a confrontation. 

When people blatantly insult or harass me, it's not about me anymore. It's about the threat to their excuses for why they themselves can't put themselves out there and rock the hell out of life. It's about the myths they've created to stay snuggled up in their comfort zones.

 And other times, misunderstanding happens. Heck, people thought in my last post that I was saying people will only listen to you if you're attractive, which was completely off-base! The best thing to do in cases where there's even a smidgen of doubt about what the other person is saying is to ask for clarification, because sometimes toxicity is really just miscommunication. 

3. Be secure in your belief that you are on the right path. 

If I wasn't so determined to build my presence on Linkedin, I would have disappeared the moment that somebody called me an unqualified weenie. I make zero profit from being active on Linkedin, and I am not a PR rep-equipped celebrity. Of course there have been times that I've broken down and questioned my goals!

But every time I've thrown my hands in the air, I've gotten a message notification from a new friend that shares their story with me and my soul is refueled with gratitude and determination. 

"...when you love yourself enough to stand in your truth no matter what the cost, everyone benefits. You start attracting the kinds of things, people, and opportunities, that are in alignment with who you truly are." - Jen Sincero

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How do you deal with people that are preventing you from reaching your goals? Share your tips below!