How to Deal With a Narcissistic Boss, Sour Grapes Supervisor, Incompetent Coworker, and Other Difficult People

It's Not What You Think

Once upon a time, I had a boss who was so difficult that I wanted to whack him over the head with a snow shovel in a big storm and leave him buried in a snow bank. But I resisted the temptations by taking other measures that would keep me out of the nightly news.

If you've got a narcissistic boss, a sour grapes supervisor, unconscious, incompetent coworkers, and other difficult people you think about throttling, I know the feeling.

But I'm no HR professional or shrink. I'm just a guy who's been difficult and learned to deal with other difficult people.

The world we see is simply a mirror of what we see in ourselves.

I'm sure everyone has certain people, places, or things that set us off being too mad, sad, or outright angry. So, how do we learn to deal with this without losing our minds? What do we see in them that helps us change ourselves?

100% of the credit for what I'm about to share goes to a brilliant psychologist, therapist, workshop facilitator, and author, Edith R. Stauffer, Ph.D. Edith is no longer with us, but her wisdom is cherished by many.

I discovered one of her books. It's Unconditional Love and Forgiveness and one of the best books I've ever read about helping us work through our head trash. She has a beautifully simple and profound way of describing ageless wisdom.

Edith shares many stories about people who were immediately transformed in her workshops. Edith Stauffer's book is hard to find in print, but I'm glad I found a used one because now I can share one of her most brilliant insights found in her book.

If you're ready to improve your grades in the school of life by shifting your self-awareness or consciousness to higher levels, here's the best suggestion I've heard for dealing with all kinds of difficult people.

Case Study In Action: You at Work

Let's role-play.

Warning: Don't try this while reading on your smartphone, driving a forklift, or posing for a selfie.

Think of someone at work who drives you nuts. It can be anyone who makes you think, feel, say, and sometimes do things you wish you could avoid doing.

Once you have a picture of this person in your mind, see yourself dealing with this person in a recent scenario that created lots of stress for you.

Imagine it. You're breathing deeply, slowly, imagining the jerk at work in this scenario.

Witnessing the encounter, feel what you felt towards this person. Observe that feeling. Sit with it.

Breathing deeply, filling your belly.

In your mind, identify the feeling by its name. Locate it specifically within your body.

Observe the feeling within you. Breathe deeply, filling your belly with fresh oxygen. See and feel the emotion.

Keep breathing. Sit with the energy. Smile at it. It's doing its job as a teacher in the school of life. We're here to learn to love even the jerk at work who sets you off.

Not anymore! You're taking charge of your emotions.

The simple act of observing anything changes the state of energy. That's a universal law. You can use it to your advantage.

After observing the feeling and breathing consciously for a bit, you make a conscious, willful decision to take the most essential action you can take for yourself, the difficult person, and the world: love and forgive them.

That's it. Love and forgive them in your mind's eye. If you really dislike someone, practice unconditional love and radical forgiveness. It works when you practice it enough.

Tell yourself that you love and forgive them. Do it over and over when you begin to get the feeling of wanting to five-finger-death punch any difficult person at work, home, or in between.

Now, here's where you can take your newfound unconditional love and radically active forgiveness to another level with a difficult person at work:

Start a true, positive rumor about the person who makes you the most nuts, especially if the relationship seems unresolvable.

It has to be a true rumor. Look for something positive about the person who gives you difficulty. That's essential. The rumor has to be true because you see and believe that quality about the person.

We tend to let the bad qualities of others and ourselves get the best of us. But when we focus on the goodness in people, places, and things, we use our perspective to change ourselves.

Trying to control or change the uncontrollable or unchangeable is insane.

I know because I'm a recovering control freak who was pissed at the judge who ordered anger management classes.

You're learning to change yourself. You can't change other people. You can argue with reality and realize it's futile.

Only difficult people can change themselves once they are willing to shift their self-awareness. That typically happens when they get sick of suffering and wallowing in their delusion thinking and ways of treating others.

Karma is real. It's the best teacher in the school of life.

Keep the rumor planting simple. Share the positive rumor when you feel the situation is right. Trust your instinct. Your intention is positive.

Expect nothing to change. Just plant the positive rumor and work on yourself each moment of the day. Rise above the stilly human stuff that sets you off using the process I suggested. Practice often!

Remember this rule: If a person bothers you, there's a lesson for you. It's the most important lesson of all the world religions and anyone who knows and honors the Golden Rule.

Love. Love it all, especially if someone sets you off.

Unconditional love is the fastest way to transform yourself. The best way to learn it is to practice compassion and acceptance in all your affairs, especially with difficult people.

Here's my mantra. You can use it if you like. Or find one of your own.

"If they knew better, they'd do better."

That's it. I tell myself that whenever I start getting the feeling of a heat-seeking missile loading in my solar plexus, I do exactly what I suggested for you.

1. Observe the feeling.
2. Name and locate the feeling.
3. Smile at it. (It's an inside kind of smile and an outside smile if you'd like.)
4. Breathe deeply while processing the feeling, knowing it will soon pass. Fill your belly. Relax. Chill. Be still. You're no longer sweating the small stuff.
5. You can talk to the feeling if it's stuck. "If they knew better, they'd do better." You can use an affirmation you like.
6. Practice throughout the day.
7. The gift of presence is priceless, especially when jerks at work no longer bother us.

In closing, now you know how to shift your self-awareness, your consciousness, into a higher gear and practice a simple, silent process for observing, accepting, loving, forgiving, and praying for people who don't know better.

Doing these simple things makes us part of the solution everywhere we go. It's the art of human transformation. We're called to unconditional love and forgiveness of ourselves and others.

Our highest purpose is learning to love our Creator, the school of life, and everyone in it.

Clifford Jones is the founder and managing partner of Clarity Strategic Coaching, LLC. He writes about mental health, consciousness, and the art of human transformation. As a strategic coach, revenue builder, and communications consultant, Cliff advises and coaches company founders and leaders. Cliff is also a family man, writer, visual artist, and mental health advocate. Learn more at www.CliffordJones.com .