How To Deal With Green-Eyed Monsters!

Years ago, an associate of mine attended a weekly get-together with a group of female executives called Wednesday Hump Day Drinks. I was invited once and could not attend as I juggled being a full-time solo parent and growing an amazing business. She called me and said she needed to share something difficult for her to share. I was anxious just hearing those words. She told me that they spent much of the evening talking behind my back and pulling me down. I was confused and asked why. She replied I think they are being green-eyed monsters. I did have a tear or two - maybe more, to be honest. I truly felt women supported other women as I do, and I was wrong. However, I stayed true to my values and left them where they belonged - behind me.

Want to know how I did it? Or how to do it for yourself?

Dealing with tall poppy syndrome—where others try to cut you down when you stand out or succeed—requires strategy, emotional resilience, and leadership. Here are some approaches you can apply to rise above it and stay true to yourself:

1. Self-awareness and Validation

• Reflect: Understand the intent behind the negativity—are they feeling threatened, insecure, or envious?
• Validate Yourself: You don’t need external validation. Remember the "LET THEM" mindset: let them feel or react, but don’t let it derail your goals.
• Reconnect with Your Values: Trust kindness, courage, and service.

2. Detach and Don’t Take it Personally

• Shift to Curiosity: Ask, “What might be happening with them?” This builds empathy while defusing emotional reactivity.
• Maintain Emotional Composure: Their words or actions say more about them than you. Breathe, stay calm, and avoid being defensive.

3. Set Clear Boundaries

• Respond Assertively: "I don’t see how this is constructive," or "Let’s stay focused on solutions."
• Don’t Engage in Drama: Some battles aren’t worth fighting. Know when to walk away or stay silent.
• Limit Exposure: Minimise interactions with individuals who consistently drain you.

4. Build a Supportive Network

• Surround Yourself with Positive People: Find those who celebrate your wins and build connection through vulnerability. This reduces the impact of negative voices.
• Mentors or Allies: Talk to people who will help you keep perspective and stay motivated.

5. Lead by Example

• Stay Kind, But Firm: Kindness is a superpower—practice it, but don’t mistake it for weakness.
• Demonstrate Composure: Being calm in the face of criticism shows leadership strength.
• Have the Tough Conversation: If appropriate, express how their behaviour affects you: "When you say that, it feels like you’re minimising my efforts, which isn’t helpful."

6. Focus on Your Mission

• Stay Purpose-Driven: Reconnect with your values and principles. Leading with authenticity and purpose matters more than naysayers.
• Embrace a Growth Mindset: Even when others criticise, look for useful feedback. If not, let it go—keep growing and learning.

7. Celebrate Yourself Anyway

• Celebrate Small Wins: Recognise your progress without waiting for others’ approval. Acknowledge what’s working, and keep moving forward.
• Pay it Forward: Shift the focus to helping others rise, knowing your leadership journey isn’t just about you.

By staying kind, courageous, and connected to your purpose, you can neutralise the negativity and continue leading authentically. You're in control of your response, and your strength lies in not shrinking to fit others' expectations. Stay bold, and just rock it!

If they are talking behind your back, let them stay there

If people are talking behind your back, it’s important to maintain your composure and focus on what truly matters. Here’s a leadership-focused way to frame this:

1. Let Them Stay Behind You

• If they’re behind your back, they’re already behind—not in your lane or level. Keep moving forward with purpose and confidence.

2. Don’t Chase Gossipers

• Don’t engage or respond—it’s not worth your energy. Gossip and negativity only have power if you feed them. Instead, let your actions speak for themselves.

3. Embrace the "LET THEM" Mindset

• Let them talk. LET THEM express whatever insecurities or frustrations they need to. It’s not about you—it’s about them. Focus on being true to yourself.

4. Stay Focused on Your Mission

• Use their noise as a reminder that you’re making progress. You wouldn’t be noticed if you weren’t doing something remarkable.
• Channel your energy into activities that align with your values, such as service, kindness, or growth.

5. Protect Your Peace

• Your peace and composure are your greatest strength. Don’t let their chatter disrupt your inner stillness. As you say, if they’re behind your back, they’re out of sight and not worth your attention.

6. Lead by Example

• Don’t stoop to their level—stay kind, professional, and courageous. Demonstrating grace under pressure will earn you respect from those who matter.

In the end, leadership isn’t about pleasing everyone. It’s about being authentic, staying aligned with your purpose, and letting go of things you can’t control. Keep going because your leadership journey is forward-facing.

By Sonia McDonald?

When Sonia speaks, she captivates everyone in the room, engaging each person in a one-on-one conversation. Her authenticity and heartfelt delivery make her a compelling and motivating leadership expert and speaker capable of sparking life-changing experiences. People often describe Sonia as sassy, inspirational, genuine, and memorable. Her high-energy delivery, humour, and practical advice empower her audience and instil in them the confidence to take courageous actions and inspire great leadership in all facets of life.

In addition to her dynamic speaking and MC career, Sonia is a renowned and award-winning author, with books such as "Leadership Attitude," "Just Rock It!," and "First Comes Courage" to her name. She contributes to publications like The Australian, HRD Magazine, BBC World, and Women’s Business Media. Her influence extends globally, having been recognized among the Top 250 Influential Women and the Top 100 Australian Entrepreneurs by Richtopia.

Sonia's expertise in leadership, culture, organisational development, neuroscience, compassion, and courage is internationally acknowledged through her leadership and coaching work and voice. She is also the driving force and CEO behind LeadershipHQ and the Outstanding Leadership Awards, further solidifying her status as a leader in her field.

Her clients have included Qantas, the Australian Institute of Building, Tyro, Amazon, QSuper, Coles, Thiess, CPB, Air Services, and Spell & the Gypsy to name a few.

Beyond her professional accomplishments, Sonia is a dedicated single parent with a deep commitment to supporting women in business and improving teenage mental health. She tirelessly travels and speaks across Australia and worldwide, all in pursuit of her mission to cultivate a world filled with exceptional leaders and exemplary leadership.