How to Deal with fear?
Mathew Anthony
Driving growth with potent mix of talent, tools, techniques, and customer intelligence
What is fear?
Fear is a premonition of potential injury, discomfort, inconvenience or even death that if left unattended or unaddressed leads to a sense of helplessness needing friendly or professional support and empathy to ameliorate.
There are three kinds of fear and three kinds of people.
Let's talk first about three kinds of fear:
· Real: When a form of injury is clear and imminent and evasive action is needed e.g., when you spy a mountain lion perched on a rock above you when trekking in the wild, you do your best to escape but if forced you fight (link of report below)
· Perceived: Same example as above but this time you enter the wild with adequate preparation to deal with eventualities and not be left to just the astuteness of your mind and physical strength
· Imagined: When it is congenital - a persisting fear of things (cockroaches, lizards, drowning) and adverse events (falling ill or misfortune)
So how do you handle fear when it is a figment of the imagination?
· Explore what triggers it? What is the source and substance of this fear? Why is there a sense of helplessness and vulnerability as a result of the fear?
· Who is/are the imagined perpetrators in this case?
· What is the credible defence(s) against the perpetrator?
The very exploration of these questions will provide some relief but may not completely douse the fear completely.
Repeat the exercise but go deeper in prayer - ideally with a spiritual counsellor or a psychologist and seek a healing for this congenital fear.
Go back to its inception, replay the circumstances when it first manifested, reverse the events in your mind with a victory over the circumstances or acceptance that it happened and is in the past, deal with it whichever way and purge it. Not easy to do but life-enhancing when done.
We can of course develop a counter by avoiding all aggravating situation at all times and lessen the incidence of the emotional trauma arising from the fear.
The three kinds of people are:
· Dare-devils: Ones who don't fear a thing (seemingly) and repeatedly perform death defying acts; Felix Baumgartner who jumped 24-mile up from space in 2014 experienced panic attacks at the thought of getting into the space suit till his psychologist talked him out of the gnawing fear (see link below)
· Empowered: Inherently confident and rarely deterred from taking on life's challenges - people in power, law enforcement, criminals or ordinary people who can 'give as good a punch as get';
· Vulnerable: Who feel fearful about everything however good their situation because of an unsettling childhood or teens with no 'big brother' to hide behind; those who get over the phase become the empowered
The dare-devils are an outlier, a minority who take risks as a sporting activity to test their limits, or for fame.
The empowered are the more real and interesting lot who rise above the ordinary.
David, the shepherd boy, and later King of Judah and Israel, would use his staff to club lions and bears into submission, and if they still resisted, tear open their jaw to redeem his precious lamb from their mouth.
Where did David who was just a boy get such undaunting courage?
He was seized with the occasion and had confidence in the outcome. In our case too, be seized not by fear, but by the occasion and fight it and that itself will dissipate the fear and neutralize it.
But, as mentioned above in the case of perceived fear meticulous preparation will save the day. No use being forewarned, if you are not going to be forearmed.
Back to David whose encounters with lions and bears prepared him well to take on Goliath and any other who thought to challenge him or his God.
Being empowered also comes from deep preparation.
In taking five stones instead of one with him, David did not assume anything, but considered all exigencies, including the size of the opening in Goliath's bronze helmet and who else he would need to battle, all of which held him in good stead. The zeal for God and his anointing obtained victories for David every time he acted after consulting God. When taking big decisions this a good practice though hearing God's voice is altogether of a different dimension.
For David as for those taking on the challenges of life the alternative to complete victory could be adverse. In David's case it would mean being mauled grievously or to death whether battling the lion, bear or Goliath. The purpose and the process mattered to David; the outcome would be whatever it was meant to be. Psalm 23 captures David's complete dependence on God beautifully (link below).
In contrast, the same fearless David fled from his son Absalom, not because he feared Absalom, but David feared that Absalom may die by his hand which was an unbearable thought for David even though his son was out for his blood.
Remember Saul.
David had him at striking distance in the cave with Saul's back to him. But he merely cut a part of Saul's garment and at another time took hold of his spear lying beside a sleeping Saul to make his point that he did not mean any ill to Saul, more importantly, that he would not lay his hand on God's anointed king. So, how much more unthinkable it was for David that his son Absalom should die at his hand or he, David should die at his son Absalom’s hands.
No wonder it is said that David was a man after God's heart. God let his beloved son Jesus suffer and die that his people who rejected both Him and His son may live.
Let's now talk about the Vulnerable.
The Vulnerable to get over their fear must attempt to imitate the characteristics of the empowered.
Deal with fear by accepting the outcome whatever it may be and you will fear no more whether real, perceived or a figment of your imagination.
Place your trust in God who is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent (not in people in high places unless so discerned). Our God is the best and ultimate remedy against all fear - for in Him is all wisdom to save you and me from all adverse circumstances.
Like God did with the three Hebrew men Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego from the Book of Daniel, Chapter 3, who were thrown into a fiery furnace by Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, when they refused to bow down to the king's image; the three are preserved from harm and the king sees four men walking in the flames, "the fourth ... like a son of God".[2]
Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego trusted God to save them, but even if he didn't the three believed bowing down to an image other than their God is repugnant and death is a better option.
When you truly believe (practicing this assertion of faith over many fearful occasions) God will come through for you whatever the outcome which we must not decide but leave to the will of God.
For God knows best and in his wisdom we should rest.
“We always say: if you encounter a mountain lion, be very big, make noise, stare at it, back away and don’t run,” she says. “And if you are attacked: fight back.”
https://www.nytimes.com/2012/10/15/us/felix-baumgartner-skydiving.html
Although he had no trouble jumping off buildings and bridges, and soaring across the English Channel in a carbon-fibre wing, he found himself suffering panic attacks when forced to spend hours inside the pressurized suit and helmet. At one point in 2010, rather than take an endurance test in it, he went to an airport and fled the United States. With the help of a sports psychologist and other specialists, he learned techniques for dealing with the claustrophobia.
One of the techniques Mr. Baumgartner developed was to stay busy throughout the ascent. He conversed steadily with Mr. Kittinger, a former fighter pilot whose deep voice exuded the right stuff as he confidently went through a 40-item checklist rehearsing every move that Mr. Baumgartner would make when it came time to leave the capsule.
When the actual moment came, Mr. Kittinger said to him, “All right, step up on the exterior step. Start the cameras. And our guardian angel will take care of you now.”