How to deal with a ‘Difficult/Bad' Boss

RUTAIHWA ARISTIDES ANDREW: Exploring the Human Resource Management Profession

?In an ideal world, we would all have fantastic managers—bosses who helped us succeed, promoted, moved or achieve our career goals, who made us feel valued, and who were just all-around great people.

We've all had bosses who are difficult to deal with. Bosses who are inconsistent or unprofessional, bosses who put you in a no-win situation, backstabbing bosses, or bosses who are downright bullies. New research has found that being overworked is not the reason people leave their jobs. A Danish study of 4,500 public service workers has provided credence to the adage that “ people don't leave jobs, they leave managers” One of the most common reasons employees quit their jobs is because of difficult bosses, supervisors and sometimes coworkers, leave alone other work conditions. If you find yourself in a situation where it is nearly impossible to work with your boss, then it's time to take action to improve your relationship, or to think about further steps to take if you feel that the situation is out of your control. If you focus on being constructive and on keeping your cool, you may be surprised by how easy it is to handle a difficult boss after all.

Unfortunately, that's not always the case. But, whether the person you work for is a micromanager, has anger management problems, shows favoritism toward one person, or just isn't very competent, you still have to make the best of the situation and get your job done.

Hopefully the strategies below will help you on your way. Underpinning each of them is a commitment to take responsibility for your own success, regardless of the different (and difficult) personalities you will inevitably have to encounter throughout your working life.

Be Professional when performing duties. This is critically important. Always take the high road. Follow proper procedures for registering complaints with Human Resources, or higher-level superiors. Maintain a calm and professional demeanor in dealing with your difficult boss, and don't get into a shouting match or let your emotions get out of hand. Don't resort to name-calling or rumor-mongering, but be straightforward and professional. Follow professional practices, rules and procedures so that there is no where you can be trapped for a fault.

Stay One Step Ahead: Especially when you're dealing with a micromanager, head off your boss' requests by anticipating them and getting things done before they come to you. Have all what your boss may need at your fingertips. Besides your organization may have rules and regulations, follow them. Follow procedures of every activity. A great start to halting micromanagement in its tracks is to anticipate the tasks that your manager expects and get them done well ahead of time. If you reply, ‘I actually already left a draft of the schedule on your desk for your review,’ enough times, you’ll minimize the need for her reminders. Your boss will realize that you have your responsibilities on track’

Make Sure You’re Dealing with a “Bad Boss” Before trying to fix your bad boss, make sure you really are dealing with one. Do not assume your boss is bad when actually the problem is you. Is there a reason for his behavior, or are you being too hard on him or her? “Observe your boss for a few days and try to notice how many things she does well versus poorly. When she is doing something “bad,” try to imagine the most forgiving reason why it could have occurred. Is it truly his fault, or could it be something out of his control?”

Talk to your boss about it. You may feel like the absolute last resort is to actually talk to your boss about the problems you're having, but that's where you're mistaken. If you really want to improve your relationship with your boss instead of waiting for things to get worse, then the best thing you can do is ask your boss if you can schedule a time to talk and be honest about your feelings while maintaining your professionalism. Once you have face time with your boss, make eye contact, speak clearly, and let him or her know what the problem is. It's important to choose your words carefully. Avoid any personal attacks that may offend your boss, and focus on discussing your work. Picking a time to talk in advance will keep your boss from being caught off guard and will give the situation the seriousness that it deserves. In this approach avoid surprising your boss, brief him/her in advance so that he/she can prepare his/her part.

Be prepared to discuss criticism of yourself when approaching a difficult boss with concerns. Of course you have issues that you may want to discuss personally, but if he feels that you are criticizing him, he may turn the tables and place the focus on you. If this is the case, be professional. Listen to his concerns and tell him that you appreciate his feedback and that you will work on the issues, and then politely return to the problems you have. Don’t get defensive or ignore anything he is telling you.

In fact, it can be helpful to ask yourself if you’re doing everything you can correctly before you start a conversation with your boss. You may be having problems with your boss because you have been doing something wrong without realizing it. It’s best to anticipate anything your boss might say, such as the fact that you’re always late or that your reports need to be proofread more, before you start the conversation. Otherwise, you may be taken aback.

Remain professional when confronting your boss, even if you feel your blood boiling. Maintain a calm demeanor and be prepared to listen to any gripes or lectures that he or she may want to share with you. Don’t use vulgar language or personal attacks, and don’t be lewd or say anything you would say if you were fighting with a close friend. Remember that you have a professional relationship with this person, not a personal relationship. Even if your boss starts being unprofessional, don’t use that as an excuse to follow suit.

If you have something specific to say to your boss, you may even want to write it down or rehearse it first to make sure that it comes off as professional. You don’t want to start saying something and then realize that you’re stepping out of your bounds halfway through your conversation.

Refrain from becoming emotional during any discussions with your boss. Even if your boss becomes emotional, you want to maintain your professional manner so that he cannot use anything against you. Note that your boss may become even more aggravated by your calm and professional demeanor, and if this is the case, explain to your boss that you would like to continue the conversation, but the last thing you want is to upset him, so suggest picking up the issue at a later time. If you lose your cool, your boss can blame you, even if you’re upset over something completely legitimate. If you find yourself getting emotional in the middle of a conversation, excuse yourself and ask to resume the conversation at a later time. If you hear yourself raising your voice, stop, slow down, and take a few deep breaths. If you can’t keep the conversation at a normal level, then you should resume it later

Don’t be intimidated by a bully: Stand tall, never cower! People who bully get their power from those who respond by cowering and showing fear. If your boss is a yeller, a criticizer, or a judge – stand firm. If you’re doing the best job you can do, keep your head held high and don’t give him the satisfaction of pushing you about. Rather ask questions, seek to understand, and work to defuse a difficult situation instead of cowering or responding in anger. It takes practice, but over time you will get better at it and he will look elsewhere for his power kick. If you feel compelled to call your boss on his behavior, go ahead but do so with a cool head and prepare in advance for the ensuing fallout. It could get ugly so think things through beforehand. What are your options? Who are your allies? Have you documented his behavior? Can you deal with the possibility of the worst outcome? Sure, it’s important to stand strong, but be smart about it. "Sometimes you have to go out on a limb and do something where the risks are high. But before you climb out, be sure you've managed the risks as best you can and set up a safety net should you fall."

Be Proactive. In all likelihood, you are frustrated with your difficult boss because he or she consistently displays bad behavior. It is the pattern of bad behavior that drives you crazy (or in some cases, the boss's inconsistent behavior, as in you-never-know-what-you're-going-to-get). The best way to deal with a difficult boss is to have a plan of action in place. "When the boss calls an ‘emergency' staff meeting, you usually know that she is going to go off on you. She'll either rant and rave or give you the icy and disgusted treatment. But sometimes she's fine, but you always feel like we are walking into a trap." It is important to be prepared, have an action plan of what you anticipate from your boss so that you are not caught off guard.

Anticipate problems before they come up. Another way to improve your relationship with your boss is to keep an eye out for problems that may arise, and to react to them with preparation and forethought. If you know that there was a bad traffic accident on the freeway and that your boss is going to come in late, try to delay the meeting until he gets there, or start it off for him. If you know your boss is going to be angry after meeting with a difficult client, give him or her some space instead of bringing up something upsetting, which may start an argument. If you know that your boss has difficulty accomplishing a certain task, try to keep yourself relatively free so you can be there to help out.

Know their preferences: Adapt to them. Observe your boss’s behavioral style and preferences. Is he fast-paced and quick to make decisions? Is he slow to think about things, needing time to process information? How does he like to communicate - via e-mail, in person drop-ins, or lengthy memos? The more you can match your style to your boss’s style when communicating, the more he will really hear what you’re saying. If you’ve ever done any personality assessments such as Myers-Briggs or DISC, then see if your boss has as well and find out what they are. It can help you adapt your style and spare a lot of strain. Working with his preferences is an obvious way of managing your boss without his ever knowing it, and it’s a key leadership skill to develop regardless of the kind of boss you are working for. The better you understand what your boss does, and more importantly, why, the better positioned you are to deliver results, manage expectations, and avoid lose: lose situations. Try to put yourself in their shoes and see the world, and your workplace, as they might. When you know what drives your boss (even if your boss may not be fully conscious of it), you can speak to “his listening,” frame your opinions and use language in ways that line up with his core values, concerns and priorities.

Keep track of all of your conversations. Keeping track of all of your conversations, whether it's through emails or memos, will help you be on top of your situation with your boss. Doing so will be helpful for two reasons. First, having a record or everything your boss said will help you in the event that your boss gives you confusing instructions or claims he or she didn't say something that he or she really said; you can use the written communication as evidence. Second, having a record of everything your boss says to you can be helpful if your relationship is so problematic that you want to discuss the situation with a supervisor; in that case, you'll have written proof that something is off. If you're really struggling to communicate with your boss, then try to make sure that all of your communication happens in front of someone else, so that you have evidence of what happened if your boss tries to deny it. Document everything that you feel is relevant to your concerns with your boss. You may want to purchase a pocket planner so that you can enter the issues on the appropriate dates. Keep this private. You don't want to pull put the planner and scribble notes in front of him because that will cause more anger. You are keeping notes for your own sake, so that you have all your concerns backed up with facts.

Work with your boss instead of against him or her: Support their success. If you really want to improve your relationship with your boss, then you should work with your boss to improve the state of your company, instead of against your boss. Though it may feel good to make your boss look stupid at a meeting or to send a passive-aggressive email to your boss, in the long run, this won't do any good for your relationship and it won't make you feel any better. By doing what you can to help your boss succeed, you lay a solid foundation for greater success yourself. It may not be an immediate reward, but in the long run, you can never lose by helping others do better than they otherwise would.

 Furthermore, making your relationship with your boss even worse will make it harder to get your work done, and at the end of the day, nothing is more counterproductive than that. Help your boss achieve his goals by being helpful, present, and supportive. Even if he's difficult to deal with, your life will be easier if you move with the grain instead of against it. Remember your boss’s failure is your failure because you have the input in the overall success of the organization. The best way is to work with your boss.

Work around their weaknesses. While it may sound counter intuitive to support a bad boss in becoming more successful, there is absolutely nothing to be gained by making him look bad, going to war or facilitating his (or her) failure. If he is as bad as you think, he will likely do a pretty good job of that all by himself. Exposing his incompetence will only compound your own misery and may even damage your reputation.

One way is to help your boss focus on his natural strengths. Another is to proactively work around his weaknesses. If you know you have a boss who’s disorganized, then help him to be on top of things rather than whining about his lack of organizational skills. If you know your boss is often late to meetings, offer to kick off the next meeting for him. If he tends to change his mind frequently, or is outright forgetful, be sure to document interactions so you can refer back to them if he ever contradicts himself. If you know your boss is slow to respond, continue to work on a project while you wait to hear back from him. Making yourself indispensable and someone your boss can rely on to help him do his job is a valuable asset when you start to look to 'what's next?'

Identify Triggers. If your boss has anger management problems, identify what triggers her meltdowns and be extra militant about avoiding those.

“For example, if your editor flips when you misspell a source’s name, be sure to double and triple-check your notes. And if your boss starts foaming at the mouth if you arrive a moment after 8 AM, plan to get there at 7:45—Every. Single. Day.” It is imperative to find out what makes your boss difficult to deal with. Find out what annoys him, what makes him fume. Finding out what makes him/her anxious or upset is not enough, but one need to go ahead and deal with the triggers. Once you are done with triggers you may find dealing with your boss very simple.

Understand that you cannot change your boss. If your boss is characteristically difficult to handle, not just for you but for others, then the likelihood of him changing is minimal. If this is the case, use the opportunity to simply make him aware of your issues. At least he cannot say that he was never informed of your concerns. Though you can’t change your boss or his personality, hopefully talking to your boss will send him on the path to improvement. Furthermore, you can work on improving your relationship without changing your boss.

You and your boss may just not be compatible as people. If this is the case, then you’ll have to find a new way to operate together unless you feel like you have exhausted all of your resources. Sometimes, you may have to accept your differences first before you move on.

Stop Assuming They Know Everything: Just because someone has a managerial title doesn’t mean that they have all the right answers, all the time.

“I realized then that, just because someone is in a position of authority, doesn’t mean he or she knows everything. From that point forward, I stopped assuming the title ‘manager was equivalent to ‘all knowing.’ This is the reason you need to work with him instead of working against him/her. Your input in his work is as important as his.

Do not go over your boss’s head if you can avoid it. Not only will this cause hostility between you and your boss, but your boss’s boss may refer you back to your boss, which may result in an even more unreceptive situation. You should go over your boss’s head if you feel like you have tried everything with your boss but nothing has worked. Additionally, you can go over your boss’s head if you feel that your boss is being sexually inappropriate, discriminating against you based on your age, gender, race, or another external factor, and that further action needs to be taken outside of your boss’s power.

If you go over your boss’s head at the first sign of a conflict, then you will cause irreparable damage to your relationship. If you can try talking to your boss before talking to someone else, it can save your relationship, as well as your happiness at work.

Be Persistent. It isn't likely that your difficult boss situation will change overnight, so be prepared for the long haul. Moreover, be persistent in calling out your boss's bad behavior, and putting your plan into action. Your coworkers might follow your lead and start to stand up to the difficult boss as well (although you should be prepared for the boss to try to turn them against you, or for your coworkers' possible lack of support). The key is to not let your boss get away with continuing his/her bad behavior.

Don’t Let it Affect Your Work: No matter how bad your boss' behavior, avoid letting it affect your work. You want to stay on good terms with other leaders in the company (and keep your job!).

“Don’t try to even the score by working slower, or taking excessive ‘mental health’ days or longer lunches. It will only put you further behind in your workload and build a case for your boss to give you the old heave-ho before you’re ready to go.” This will only be considered as a counterproductive behavior which may lead your boss to pin you on disciplinary ground, or insubordination.

Talk to your/His supervisor if it’s necessary. If you feel like you have tried everything on your own and need to talk to someone higher up, then it’s time to arrange a meeting with a supervisor to discuss the problems you’re having with your boss. There’s no point in delaying the inevitable if you feel like you really can’t work together with your boss. If you’ve tried everything and know that your relationship has reached a dead end, then it’s time to talk to your supervisor about the situation. Don’t be nervous, and stick to discussing the facts instead of getting emotional. The more concrete examples you have, the more respect you’ll get.

Make sure you use professional language and avoid bad-mouthing your boss in front of your supervisor. You don’t want to say something that makes your supervisor lose respect for you, too. Remember that you want to look like the calm, reasonable one, and that your boss is the one who has been causing all the problems.

Take action if you feel you’ve been discriminated against. If you truly feel that you’ve been discriminated against because of your age, race, gender, or something else beyond your control, then it may be time to take action. You can consult the HR for free, or seek out an employee attorney for a fee if you think you’ve been discriminated against and are in a protected class. Don’t be nervous about taking this measure if this is what’s happening; though it won’t be pleasant, this may be the best way to meet your needs.

Act as the Leader:  When dealing with an incompetent boss, sometimes it's best to make some leadership decisions on your own.

If you know your area well enough, there is no reason to not go ahead creating and pursuing a direction you know will achieve good results for your company. People who do this are naturally followed by their peers as an informal leader. Management, although maybe not your direct boss, will notice your initiative. Of course, you don’t want to do something that undermines the boss, so keep him or her in the loop.

See if you can be transferred within your company. One option that isn’t as extreme as leaving your company but which can make you a lot happier at your workplace is to see if you can be transferred to a different department, or even transferred to a different boss. If you’re truly having trouble with your boss and your supervisors or other people at the company completely understand where you’re coming from, then they may be willing to accommodate your needs. If you make it pretty clear that you won’t be able to stay on if you’re stuck with your current boss, in spite of how much you like the company, then they may be able to find an arrangement that makes you happy.

Of course, all of this depends on your workplace culture and if such arrangements are typically — or even occasionally — made at your workplace. Do your research and see if such a thing has been done before, and look out for tips on how to proceed. Of course, you should try to find this out without letting everyone know about the particular situation you find yourself in.

Decide whether it’s worth it to leave your workplace. Unfortunately, when it comes to today’s job market, good jobs can be few and far between, depending on the industry you’re working in. Before you decide to go on the job market again or to leave your current company, you should ask yourself if it’s really worth it for you to make this change. If your job is causing you mental and physical pain and you really feel like you can’t be there another day and keep your sanity, then it may really be time to leave. However, if you’re just mildly annoyed or frustrated, you may want to hold off, or you may want to explore your options before you resign.

Of course, if your boss is being inappropriate, discriminating against you, or doing other unreasonable things, then there’s no question about it: you have to leave.

Ideally, you should be able to look for new work while maintaining your current position. Being employed will make you a more appealing candidate for other companies.

Do your research carefully before you take another job offer. Though you may be bursting at the seams to leave your current work situation, you have to diligently do your research before you take a new offer. If you’re too desperate to leave, you may jump at the chance to work at a new company, even if it ends up not being a good fit. You could end up at a company with a boss who is even more difficult (though this may be hard to imagine now), and will only make your own working life even worse. It’s important to take the time and to make sure that you’re leaving a hostile environment for a comfortable one before you make the transition.

As you interview for a new position, make sure you talk to other people at the company and get a strong sense of what your new boss will be like before you accept an offer. Though you won’t know 100% what your new boss or job will be like until you start working there, you should follow your gut to see if something is off.

Though you may be rushing to take on a new offer because it’ll mean you will have to spend less time at your current job, resist the temptation to take something that doesn’t feel quite right just because it means you’ll get to leave your current difficult boss. Tell yourself that it’s a worthy time investment to search for a place where you can truly be happy in the long run.

However, fixed in their ways your boss may be, you can always learn ways to better manage him or her. The secret is to "manage up" without them ever realizing you are doing it. So rather than think of your boss as your boss, think of them as a difficult client - one you have to figure out how to work with if you want to get ahead, even if you’d rather not. Think of them that you have a professional relationship and not a personal relationship. Your work relationship should be view differently from work relationship.

You have to put in mind and work on what makes your boss difficult as you should be sure that you are really dealing with a difficult boss. Actually a bad boss is your perception as the one you call a bad boss may be known as a good boss by your colleagues.