How To Deal With Conflict

How To Deal With Conflict

I have always feared conflict.

I’d be the first to walk away from tough conversations, avoid disagreements and postpone expressing my needs.

Conflicts consistently stirred so many emotions inside me. Not just mine but as an empath, I would absorb the emotions of the other person, leaving me overwhelmed.

In my mind conflict meant that people got hurt. So avoiding conflict meant saving people from getting hurt.

What I didn’t realize is that by consistently avoiding conflict, you end up hurting yourself.

You end up burying the parts of you that are waiting to be expressed.

You create lesser space for freedom in your life.

I knew that in order to shift my behavior in conflict, I had to start off by building a new belief about conflict.

So I asked myself a few questions:

  • What if conflicts were not BAD but inherently GOOD for any relationship?
  • What if conflict didn’t mean hurting PEOPLE but clarifying PROBLEMS?
  • What if conflict didn’t mean WHO is wrong but WHAT is wrong?

I am learning that the conflicts in our life can be excellent teachers.


Coach Yourself | The next time you are in a conflict, clarify the problem with these questions

1. What is the nature of the conflict that you are experiencing right now?

  • Is it related to a task, a difference of opinion, or your values?

2. How often do you find yourself in such conflicts in this relationship?

  • Is this the first time or is it part of a recurring pattern?

3. What is your dominant emotion in this conflict?

4. What do you really need or value in this situation?

5. Can you frame a request to the other person with compassion, clarifying your need?


If you find it hard to do it in person, start off writing it down.


#NowReading

1. In conflict, people tend to forget the good times they have shared together.

2. As a result, they act in a manner that is either unbecoming of them or erodes the respect and love that once existed.

3. In times of conflict, people need to be reminded to act with compassion.

4. What they later regret the most is the manner in which they spoke to each other.

- Shayamal Vallabhjee in Breathe, Believe, Balance

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