How To Deal With A Bully
Do you regularly feel intimidated by and dread to work near a particular co-worker? Are you repeatedly yelled at, insulted, and put down—for any possible reason this behaviour is inappropriate at work? Does a co-worker talk over you at meetings, criticize you, or steal credit for your work?
” If you answer yes to any of these questions, then chances are good that you’re one of the persons who have been attacked by a bully at work”.
In addition to the above-described actions, you know you’re working with a bully when the bully picks out your mistakes and constantly brings them to your attention. Or worse the bully gossips about you tell lies to your co-workers, and even undermines and sabotages your work.
When you feel intimidated to attend certain meetings, you avoid going into the lunchroom depending on who is eating there, or you take a pause before attending company functions for employees, the problem isn't that you're shy or retiring. Take a look at your interaction with a particular co-worker. You may find that he or she is bullying you.
If you dread going to work, you may have a bully coworker or boss.
If your employer won’t help you, and the study cited below says they often won’t, even if it's just because they don't know what to do either, these are the actions to take to defeat the bully.
” In the Survey, workplace bullying "was defined as repeated mistreatment of an employee by one or more employees; abusive conduct that is: threatening, humiliating, or intimidating, work sabotage, or verbal abuse."
How to deal with a Bully.
You can deal with a bully and change the bully’s behaviour if you are willing to practice personal courage. But you must do something. The bully will not go away; if you make yourself an easy target, you will only encourage the bully. If you tolerate the bully's behaviour, you are training the bully to continue the reprehensible actions.
Here’s how to deal with your office bully most effectively and potentially resulting in a bully-free workplace. You can do it.
Set Limits on what you will Tolerate from Bully.
Most importantly, once you have set the limit in your mind, exercise your right to tell the bully to stop the behaviour. You might want to rehearse these steps with a friend so that you are more comfortable responding when the bully attacks.
Describe the behaviour you see the bully exhibiting—don’t editorialize or offer opinions, just describe what you see. Don't say you're mean and nasty to me. to the bully. This is meaningless commentary when you're talking to a bully.
Tell the bully exactly how his behaviour is having an impact on your work.
Tell the bully what behaviour you will not put up with in the future.
Stick with your statement and if the bully violates your space, move on to confrontation.
Confront the Bully with Their Behaviour.
Confronting a bully is scary and. But, as Jonathan Littman and Marc Hershon suggest in "I Hate People," bullies are “only effective when they’re on solid ground. The ground that you can take away.” They suggest that the “Next time he swears or heaves a phone book, call it out. Point out that he’s swearing or yelling, and leave the room. Or end the call.”
“Remember: You’re the adult dealing with a tantrum. No wise parent gives into a child’s fit because it just leads to more fits.
” You’re wrapping Bulldozer’s fury with tough love. By making statements about his conduct, you’re putting him on notice. Keep up your game and by the second or third attempt, Bulldozer will tire of spinning his treads in the sand.”
If that doesn’t work ask him to leave the meeting until you finish your discussion. If he refuses, end the meeting and reschedule the meeting without him. You need to call out the bully on your terms.
Document the Bully’s Actions.
Anytime you are feeling bullied or experiencing bullying behaviour, document the date, time, and details of the incident. Note if another employee witnessed the incident. If you eventually seek help from Human Resources, documentation, especially documentation of the bully's impact on business results and success, gives HR the information they need to work with on your behalf. The bully is not just hurting your feelings; the bully is sabotaging the business's success.
Your Co-workers are Targets of the Bully too.
Note whether the bully pulls the same behaviour with your co-workers. Ask your co-workers to document the bully’s behaviour and any scenes they witness when the bully targets any co-worker. This will help you build a stronger case for your organization to take action.
If five of you experience the bullying and five of your co-workers document the bullying, then you build a case to which HR and your management can respond on solid ground. They need evidence and witnesses, even if everyone knows, that the bully is a bully.
So, it’s best to confront the behaviour, but don’t rule out the possibility of a lawsuit, especially if your employment is terminated or threatened by the bully.
Tell Management and HR About the Bully’s Behaviour.
You’ve tried to implement these recommendations about how to address the behaviour of a bully, but they aren’t working to stop the bully. It's time to get help. Go to HR or your manager with your evidence, especially the evidence that demonstrates the impact of the bully on the business, and file a formal complaint. Most employee handbooks describe the HR investigation process that your complaint sets in motion.
Hope for the best resolution when you ask management and HR for assistance in dealing with the bully, but be prepared to explore other options so you have less contact with the bully. You may even need to find a new job. You may never know what HR did about the bully; his or her privacy and confidentiality is also a priority.
But you can assess the impact of HR and management's actions by how the bully now treats you after presumably, they have intervened.
" You can address the behaviour of a bully in your workplace. With persistence and personal courage, you can neutralize the bully behaviour and regain your conflict-free workplace".