How Dare You
Facts = Truth
Opinions = Deception or False Truth
Emotions = Clouded Truth
Last week, I took the "junk drawers" (which over the years went from 1 to 3) out of the kitchen and into the living room to sort through and clean out.
I removed them on a Tuesday and there they sat in the living room until Friday.
On Friday my husband and I were in the garage (his place to go and relax) and we were catching up. I was referring to a lesson about space. Space in my life for new possibilities by facing the past. This is a life long lesson and I was mentioning how freeing of an experience it is.
He seemed agitated and a little irritated by me talking so highly of this "Space" I am creating.
I asked him what was on his mind...
"You wanted to clean out the drawers, yet there they sit, for days now." he said.
"Yes, you are right. They are there. I will get to them soon." I responded.
He still looked a bit irritated. It wasn't the answer he was looking for. I asked him what he wanted me to do.
"All I want is for you to finish what you started." he responded.
Ok... I can handle that. But uff da... that comment hit me like a ton of bricks.
So I went inside and I dumped all the junk out into one pile, irritated and angry now. I started separating papers and coins and dead batteries and... Junk. In that pile was a calendar from 2011. Check stubs from 2010 & 2012. An old bank statement from 2013. 2 sandwich bags of dead batteries. 1 paper grocery bag of trash. Uff Da.
Through that my feeling went from... "How dare he say that to me, there is plenty I finish! This is such a small thing, why is he so angry about it!"
To
"He could come in and help you know. What is he doing? Sitting out in the garage 'relaxing', come on!"
To
"This isn't really taking that long. Wow, we have a lot of dead batteries sitting in these drawers"
To
"Ya know, he might have something here. There are many areas that I could finish up on."
To
"Oh my goodness! He is so right! He gets the laundry started, finished and dryed all in an hour it seems. I can't even finish a 15 minute project without him getting upset."
To
"Becca, your getting all bent out of shape over a drawer of junk. What's really going on?"
What just happened?
When faced with doubt in your goals or life we tend to get a little out of character. It could be due to another's opinion, or your actions and thoughts of yourself, or even your current situation and circumstance.....
Stop what you are doing! Be still.
This is the moment to expose what is really going on. This is to moment to call-it-out and get it out. This is the moment to dig deep and resolve this situation.
Now, become aware:
Do you become defensive when advice is given?
Do you start to justify or explain the choice that is made?
Do you become resentful of the other person, the situation or circumstance?
Do you start judging the other person?
Do you start comparing their choices to make yours seem better or to make yours seem worse?
Do you get angry?
Do you get confused and frustrated?
These things are common, but expose them too, be real about it, but keep pushing forward to understand them. Be cautious to not overthink. Reach out to the mentor you have and work through them. Resolve it before it grows.
It's OK to feel all of those things. It's part of growth. It sometimes is essential to create new space. It's the perfect moment to recognize and see there is something in the way of your success.
It's was told to me once that your success or greatness is like the sun... it's always there but sometimes the clouds move in and block it, or the darkness of the night comes in but you know the sun still exists... it's just not shinning right at this moment.
Now, take a moment to breathe and process, to sit with those feelings. Become aware of those feelings. They are great indicators that something is off.
Next, let's go through the facts. Let's dig deep and see what is the truth and what is false trying to disguise it's self as truth. This is the part I LOVE in my growth experience and in my client's growth experience. This is where breakthroughs happen.
Together we see what adds up and what doesn't. It just is. It's not good, it's not bad, it just is the way it is. Then we take a look at where the disguise is coming from. This way we can see it coming the next time.
Let's go back to what happened...
I just finished raving about how I have created so much space for new opportunities by letting go of past ways of thinking. However, my husband saw something I didn't. That is how life works.
Create space for new opportunity huh? Well, those 3 junk drawers went down to 1 organized junk drawer, a napkin/utensil drawer and a coozy/hamburger press drawer. With so much more room and space for more specific organization to happen.
My "I'm not doing anything wrong here" wall went up and I did not want to face the fact that he was pointing out a truth in my life. I didn't want to own that.
But.... I did. And YES, it was liberating. Now, I am able to see areas where I am not keeping in integrity with following through and go make it right. It was just what I needed to hear. And through experiencing my mentor's wisdom I have learned new ways to recognize and overcome the doubts.
Onward. Creating new opportunities and continuing what I started.