How Dads Can Help Their Kids Develop A Growth Mindset for Lifelong Success...

"I can't do this, I'll never get it right"...

No doubt we've all said this to ourselves at some points in our lives in challenging situations, right?

[ If you never have, then please send me the memo, because I missed it...]

The Story…

My wife and I have homeschooled/unschooled our 7 kids and always dreaded hearing these words! About 12 years ago, my eldest son Harrison suddenly faced faced a major confidence issue in his academic work.

He kept telling himself that he was not very ‘bright”.

Scroll forward to today: (...an unbiased review...) Harrison Mckenzie is an incredible self-starting learner, with endless intellectual curiosity, astonishingly well-read, he speaks, reads and writes in 5 languages fluently, has his own online language training business and constantly achieves top scores whilst now learning his 6th language.

Moreover, after the events that I describe below, he spent much of his teens being the self-taught primary homeschool teacher for 4 younger siblings, all of whom have done amazingly well at their academic work.

Best of all, I know already that he is going to be an amazing dad!

As I say to him, you did the job that I wanted to do, but couldn't becuase his mom and I were too busy digging ourselves out an economic hole created by the 2008 crash! I'll always be eternally grateful to him...

How did I do this, you might ask!

Well the real question is ‘How did HE do this?”

He followed my lead and he?was open to changing his mindset!????

So what steps did he take? Let’s break it down.

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1| Share Your Own Experience – Be Vunerable ???

I started by sharing with him my childhood struggle with self-confidence that arose from the fact that I had a father who was uber-competitive with me (…a long story) … and it had negatively impacted how I thought and felt about myself. This makes you relatable.?

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2| Identify The Negative Mindset + Challenge It ???

I took moments, daily, to evaluate hiss thoughts and get clear on the negative belief. Often the initial mindset that has come up is hiding the actual triggering belief behind it. Next ask them: “why do you believe that in the first place?”.

In my son’s case what came up first, was that he hated writing and therefore he became terrible at it. When I dug deeper, it became clear that he felt he was not clever, because he that he ‘didn’t pick things up quickly’ like his sister.?

If applicable, use this as an opportunity to empathize via your own experience of this per step one – my dad bringing me down wherever possible.?

Side note: To truly help, you have to be a good listener, so be careful to not make it all about you.

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3| I Am Free To Choose A Different Thought????

Share the powerful idea and mantra that they are always free to choose a different thought, and can change how they label themselves at any time. Write this mantra,?‘I Am Free To Choose A Different Thought’?on a post-note or wherever they can see it and get them to carry it around with them.?

Ask them to intentionally act like?the person they want to become.Be the person that you want to become...

Here’s the science backed ‘why’.?

When you intentionally act like?the person?you want to become, even when you don’t feel like it, your brain sees you taking those actions, so your brain starts to change the way it relates to you, and you will start to feel like that person.?

?? This is precisely why folks at the top of their field from athletes to captains of industry use this technique.?

This very small repetition of this way of thinking and this specific mindset, will over time, put your life in a very different place from where it is today.

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4| Use The ‘Question’ Strategy???

Next get them to ask themselves:?Would "I say those words to a friend or someone I love?"?If the answer is no, go back to #3 above and ask them to choose a different thought..

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5| Positive Reinforcement ???

We, as humans, can very easily forget about the things we do well at by focusing too much on our fails’, so next, challenge your son or daughter to tell you what they’re good at.?

If they’re in a slump then ignore it (they often want to stay in their funk really, it feels safer) and press on with identifying their strengths and gifts.

So How Can You Deal With Your Kid's Mistakes?

Okay, quick side bar.??

Here’s how to handle the situation if you’re son or daughter makes a mistake, and they call themselves 'stupid'.?

Do not use an overly emotional response - tell them in a firm and compassionate tone that everyone makes mistakes, including you, and that you tell yourself this when you do:?

‘I made a mistake and I will use this opportunity to learn so I can improve and do it better next time”.

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Morning Practice...

Carve out a few minutes every morning with your child to do this morning practice.

?You will be blown away with not only the mindset results, but how closely bonded you become with your kids!

Here goes:

1. Touch base with your true feelings.?

Audit how you feel + where your mindset is at within first 10-15 minutes of waking.?Ask yourself how you’re honestly feeling; if you’re carrying anything blocking your energy, or any negativity you’ll be able to clear it, and where necessary plan out proactive steps to protect and heal it.?

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2. Set your intention for the day.?

Set your intentions for the day that reflect the results that you want to experience and get done, and that serve you best with how you’re waking up feeling. If you are feeling low energy for example, and you feel that yu need to exercise, choose a more"gentle" exercise, fit in some time to take a walk instead (yoga is perect for days like this...).

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3. Set the mindset that will best serve you and your family for today.

?Depending on what the audit reveals, state how you want to feel and what you need that will serve your mindset best.?

Remember: You are what you think and say. A positive mindset changes you, which changes your ability to deal with any challenges or crappy situations that you find yourself in.?

4. What are three things you’re grateful for today??

Practicing gratitude is scientifically proven to reduce and protect from stress and anxiety.?

Ask yourself on waking: what are three things you’re grateful for today??

Remember: If you only focus on what you want and do not have or have not achieved, you will be permanently living in deficit mindset mode, and never feel happy.?

Whenever you feel out of alignment during your day, ask yourself:?

1. How are you feeling today?
2. What is your intention for today?
3. What are three things you’re grateful for?

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Takeaways...

So you've seen that as a parent, there are certain steps you can take in order to facilitate a growth mindset. Show yourself as willing to change, be the example and your children will follow!?

* Don’t set the bar too high, as unrealistic expectations and goals are not beneficial.?

* Don’t set the bar too low so that no challenge or growth is seen as necessary.?

* Offer constructive criticism in order to have your child reach and grow

???A dad success mindset is attainable and essential for everyone??

Especially YOU – all these lessons are ones that you need to apply to be the great parent example that you want to be!

?I’m passing the mic back to you now.??

Comment below and tell me what challenges have you hit with your children’s mindset – did this it hit a nerve for you too?

AND NOW...???? ???????? ???? ???? ???? ????

By the end of my NEW ONLINE PROGRAM, Fatherhood Unleashed you’ll have a?flowing road map and game plan for you to follow?and become the?career dad who thrives on his way?to?achieve fatherhood-work-health-life success ALIGNED WITH YOUR BUSINESS GOALS!

Have a relationship with your children (even your adult ones) where they not just have a deep love for you- their father... but appreciate you as a person, the human, and for the work, ethics and teaching that you have provided for them AND ??where your children choose to spend time with you, NOT because they feel obligated?

Are you with me?