How To Cut A Story To Give It More Power

by Motivational Speaker and Strategic Storytelling Expert, Kelly Swanson

Which is better, one or two? Two or one? A or B? C or D? Sound familiar? Have you ever sat in the chair at the eye doctor's office, being shown endless slides that look the same, but you have to decide which one you can see better? I often wonder why we spend so much time comparing two letters that really are almost identical. Obviously, that tiny difference makes a difference to my eye doctor.

It's the same for stories. Sometimes we write a story, or tell a story on stage, and figure it's good enough the way it is, not realizing that just the tiniest tweaks can change the impact in a BIG way. In fact, I think it's those tiny adjustments that make the difference in a pretty good speaker and an unforgettable one.

One of the biggest mistakes that people make in crafting their stories, is adding too much. The more you add, the more you take away from the power of the story. You are loading up your listener with details, much like adding items to their backpack as they climb a hill. The more details you add, the heavier the load gets. Nobody likes to get to the end of the hike and find out we carried stuff for nothing.

How long should a story be?

Good question. I think every story should be as long as it needs to be to do what it needs to do. But that's not very helpful, is it? If you're writing a powerful story as a tool to influence someone else, then I think that story should be no longer than five minutes (told) and about 3/4 of a page typed if read. If you absolutely can not cut it down that short, then I suggest that you actually have more than one story.

"But, Kelly, you have stories that are longer than five minutes!" Yes. I do. And they should be cut. The only reason I can get away with them is that the clients are booking me to entertain too. In this case, we are talking about strategic stories in business. I will stick to my rule.

Sometimes stories are harder to cut because the writer doesn't have a clear idea of the character, conflict, resolution, lesson, and call to action. (Read my new book The Story Formula if you need help with that.) In fact, if you really want to become an expert, enroll in Story Impact Academy and learn how to be a master storyteller in just 18 lessons!

Don't Just Tell Me, SHOW ME

Good point. You have got to be tired of me giving you advice all the time. So let me show you instead. Today you're going to do all the work and figure out the lessons yourself. Well, I did do some of the work already. You can do the rest.

I recently taught my Story Formula to a bunch of non-profit leaders at a retreat. Now they are working on their stories, plugging them into the formula, and getting them ready to share with the world.

This is a story that is already good. They already put it through the Story Formula. But it could be better. This is a perfect example of how much more powerful a story can get when you cut it. That's why I chose to share this one as an example. Read the before and after, and see if you can pick up on what made the difference.

Before: 

The Story of Donation Divas at SJRC

Christy had long black hair, her bangs swooped past her nose and covered the left part of her face, hiding her beautiful brown eyes. She always wore the same two black shirts and shoes. She attending a public middle school in a small town with the other kids from the group home that she had recently moved to. All she wanted was to fit in and always denied living in foster care. She dreamed of having a mother and father that took care of her and to truly feel happy and loved like the girls in her favorite songs she went no where without. She had learned and felt more pain in her 12 years of living than most people experience in 5 life times.

Christy didn’t smile much, but when she did it was contagious. Her smile was brought out with music and in the spring she was excited to announce her choir concert just a few weeks away. She practiced every night and seemed to have found a little piece of happiness. When it came closer to the concert she brought home a paper stating what they needed to wear and how their hair needed to be done up. She seemed to be a little concerned about the black fancy dress, close toed church shoes and matching sweater that she needed to have on to participate at the concert. She hadn’t had much luck before getting clothes as she still only had a select few to her name.

I took it upon myself to personally help put together her outfit. The next day I asked where the kids clothing was stored and asked about getting Christy’s choir outfit for her. The office staff seemed relieved as they had so many other moving parts that needed attending to.

 I happily made my way to the warehouse with Christy as we talked about what she wanted her dress to look like. I was reminded of the delightful memories I shared with my mom as we would go shopping before a special event for a new outfit. It must have been 100 degrees in the room where the clothes were stored and it wasn’t even April yet. I looked through the few dated clothing options hung in the room and noticed that Christy’s hope had been drained from her face. She looked down at the floor and said “I guess we will have to look in these”… She was looking down at the floor where piles and piles of black trash bags had collected. There were over 50 trash bags of clothes through out that room and it broke my heart to give her an outfit that meant so much to her from a bag that meant so little to someone else.

I had a knot in my stomach leaving the warehouse that day. Christy and every child at the group home deserved the world. Christy deserved to get a beautiful dress, sweater and shoes from a nice store in a beautiful bag with happy colored tissue. Instead she left dragging her feet, only finding a dress and sweater that fit out of a dusty trash bag. The night of the concert she would borrow a pair of shoes that kind of fit, with a clean black dress, her hair in magnificent curls- able to find her joy and sing her heart out.

From that moment, Donation Divas was born. Never again would I allow for a child to go into that warehouse and measure their self worth from items out of a trash bag. I am apart of world changing movement known as Chicktime where women and their families serve this group home every month. The next time we met I shared this pain and my urgency to transform their donations area into a boutique. A wave of chick’s followed that day to take every trash bag, toy and clothing item into a precious little yellow house, with white trim. We spend about 6 weeks painting, building shelves and clothing racks, organizing, steam cleaning and decorating. The kids on campus knew something exciting was going on as Donation Divas worked busily throughout the next few weeks. The kids would poke their heads in with excitement and couldn’t wait until the opening day.

Christy was the first child invited into the finished boutique. Her eyes lit up with joy as she looked around in a daze. She found several items that she could not leave the boutique without! She picked out new tops and shorts for the summer and a few stuffed animals for her bed. As she collected her items in a new crisp bag, with happy pink tissue paper she thanked me. And a tear rolled down her cheek as I kneeled on the floor and told her that she deserves the world. She swung her arms around my neck and hugged me for the very first time.

Our Donation Divas Boutique is run by women and their families that believe these kids should shop in a store worthy of a princess. Our store is stocked from donations, each item goes through a selection process and we work every other week to organize, wash, and restock the store so the kids never see a black trash bag again.

If you want to become a Donation Diva and see the marvel on these kids faces as they shop through our boutique contact me at [email protected]. I can help you get involved at our Donation Divas events or help you get started in making a Donation Divas team for your Chicktime’s charity.

After:

Donation Divas Story

Being part of the Chicktime Movement, you never forget the faces. One of the faces sealed in my memory is a little girl named Christy. She had long black hair and swooping bangs that she often hid behind. She didn’t smile much. If you had her childhood, you wouldn’t either. Every day she wore one of two black shirts and the same shoes. She didn’t want the other kids in school to know she was in foster care. It was her shameful little secret.

The one bright thing in Christy’s life, was music. I’ll never forget seeing that big smile that I had never met before, when she told me she was going to be in a choir concert. But the smile quickly faded when she later found out that if you wanted to be in the choir you had to wear a fancy black dress, close-toed church shoes, and a matching sweater. To most of you mothers out there, this is no big deal. But to Christy, this was everything. She didn’t want to tell anyone that she didn’t have those things.

Thanks to Chicktime, I was there in her moment, and able to help. We had kids clothing stored and Christy and I went to the warehouse to pick out her concert outfit. She was so excited. But I wasn’t. Because we had to pick her outfit out of ugly garbage bags. I had flash backs of when my mom would take me shopping in the pretty stores, and how it would have felt if we went shopping through other peoples’ trash. 

Christy put on a brave face, even though I could tell she was disappointed. And I don’t blame her. It broke my heart. And even though we found the perfect outfit, and Christy’s concert was the highlight of her life, I couldn’t let it go. There may not be much I can do to help her situation. But by golly, I can do this. I can make sure no other child has to go shopping for clothes in the trash. Not on my watch.

That day the Donation Divas Boutique was born.  And with the help of Chicktime and partner charities, we were able to create something pretty amazing. Sure, to those of you who like to shop, you probably wouldn’t call it fancy. But you should the look in these young girls’ faces when they come to pick out a new dress. The same look Christy gave me as we picked out her concert dress, and a tear rolled down her cheek, and for the first time she hugged me.

If you want to become part of this amazing boutique, please contact me at [email protected] for more information. It’s the little things that make the biggest difference.