How curiosity is the way back to leadership & presence

Friends, my last post explored how real leadership in an age of turbulence starts with being grounded and skilled at settling our nervous system — since as leaders, we’re emotional senders. Other people’s nervous systems pick up how we’re feeling thanks to mirror neurons (which I’ve written about here), and so simply through the quality of our presence, we can either amplify fear and stress -or- amplify *presence*… the home base that our nervous systems all yearn for. So how do we find our way home? One open road: Curiosity. -M.

Photo by Rudra Chakraborty on Unsplash

To be human in any age is confusing. To be human in our times is… confounding. The old maps no longer point the way. And yet we haven’t discovered the new territory we’re moving toward.

When old certainties have fallen away, and what’s to come hasn’t yet arrived, anxiety tries to be helpful by rushing in to fill the vacuum. And in these times of radical change, there’s been a lot of space for anxiety to fill.

Here’s the thing: anxiety actually has a hidden genius in it. Underneath the unpleasant sensations, anxiety’s trying to rally us to prepare to meet the challenges of what’s new or novel.

So anxiety is actually useful, and not something we’d want to banish. Without it and its sibling fear, it’d be difficult to rouse us in the face of danger.

But pointing out anxiety’s helpfulness is a bit like writing a letter of recommendation for pain.

Nature, however, always creates through opposites. And what evolutionary biology shows is that our threat detection system evolved alongside our curiosity. They operate like a gas pedal and brake — paired to help us make the best decisions we can in uncertain circumstances, keeping each other in check.

Curiosity opens up space. Rather than rush to fill the space of the unknown, it invites us to lean in, and meet what’s novel with the wide eyes of intrigue. It enlivens us precisely because it helps us experience the unknown as rich with possibility. It brings us to the frontier of the unknown with excitement, and lets us receive the unknowable as nourishing.

So where fear and anxiety might send our nervous system into life-preserving constriction, curiosity keeps our bodies limber in life-giving presence and openness.

Change, if we allow it to be, can be a place of profound renewal — so long as the change feels within our capacity to deal with it. And the secret is that curiosity expands the aperture on our capacity to be with the unknown, and lead ourselves and others into terra incognito.

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Melissa’s Reading & Watch List

What’s making me curious?

I’m Your Man (Trailer, Rotten Tomatoes 96%, Amazon)

This was one of the funniest and most endearing movies I saw this year!

Maria Schrader (director of Unorthodox) poses an interesting question: What if we could stamp out the unpleasant parts of the unknown, and through AI program a robot to be the perfect life partner? In her new film nominated for an Academy Award, the main character gets the man of her dreams: handsome, romantic, and doting. Yet when she gets everything she wants, she’s confronted with the question: is there really room for what makes life worth living?

Elizabeth Gilbert on Choosing Curiosity over Fear

I’ve long admired writer Elizabeth Gilbert not just for her gift with words, but for her hard won gentle compassion. She notes in this podcast interview: in a world where “fear is contagious, curiosity lets us be a friend not only to the world, but to ourselves. … It teaches us how to become ourselves.” And when we become more ourselves, “our courage makes other people be able to be more brave and …. come out of their fear.”

The 5 ways we can be curious (HBR, 3 min read)

Reams of leadership research show that curiosity is critical to growing into our potential. But rather than ask “How curious are you?”, the better question when building teams that can thrive in the unknown is to ask “How are you curious?” I thought this break down of curiosity into 5 different types was fascinating. I definitely lean heavily on joyous exploration and social curiosity.

I’m curious how you’re curious? And what you’re curious about these days? Drop a comment below.

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