How to cure Perfectionism?

I'm sure many of you don't think of perfectionism as a bad thing. After all, it has gotten you to great places in your life and careers. Nevertheless, what if the underlying message here is: "I'm not good enough!"

>> How would you feel about that?

In workplace coaching, guess what usually emerges as one of the top threats to leadership for executives in organizations?

Perfectionism!

Many people attribute their success in life to striving for perfection and getting things right. Yet, there is a fine line between seeking Perfection and Excellence.

“Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralizing” Harriet Braiker

As a result, perfectionists are likely to get stuck on the details which can slow them down and not get much done, because it's usually "not perfect yet." That in itself train the mind to focus on what's missing, as opposed what you have accomplished thus far.

"Where focus goes, energy flows" Tony Robbins

Individuals who live in that mindset rarely find happiness, as they impose unrealistic standards on themselves, on others, and even on life. They live in the land of absolutistic thinking and demands of all the "shoulds," "musts," and "have to."

REBT in Coaching for perfectionism

According to Albert Ellis, the father of REBT (Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy): Perfectionists tend to be highly conditional self-acceptors who base their worth as persons on achieving perfection, and on doing better than others.

Guess what ... Nobody is perfect!

Perfectionists tend to operate from deeply ingrained beliefs, such as : "I absolutely must do perfectly well."

Nevertheless, the other side of the coin reads: "I'm no good if I don't!" and that's where things get out of control and we get stuck in this vicious cycle of self-criticism.

Good news is, this can change, perfectionists can jump off that hamster wheel!

If they choose to...

Elements of REBT can add immense value to the coaching experience, especially when exploring the client's irrational limiting beliefs.

One of the ways coaches could benefit from the REBT techniques is through integrating its ABC (or ABCDE) model into the coaching process. In that, the coach works with the client to ‘dispute’ and question the validity of these attitudes and beliefs.

That said, the cure can be in the following...

ABCDE Model in Action

This concept illustrates the connection between an activating event and its consequences by identifying the beliefs involved. Offering means to replace irrational beliefs with rational ones through disputation and the emergence of effective new philosophies.

In the case of perfectionism, this could look like:

A: Activating event

Scenario: Working overtime for a month to submit the perfect project proposal. Yet, realizing after the submission that you forgot to include an additional document that would've made it so much better.

C: Consequences

Feeling angry at one's self and slipping into the default pattern of self-criticism and blaming.

B: Irrational Beliefs

"I absolutely must submit a perfect proposal, even if it means working 24/7"

"I have to work on till it looks perfect, or else I don't deserve a time off"

"I'm a failure if I don't get this right!"

D: Disputing

The coach could challenge and dispute the client's beliefs by asking:

"Where is the logic in these beliefs?"

"Where are these belief getting you?"

"What would your life look like without them?"??

E: Effective New Philosophies

The client can state new rational beliefs or philosophies that emphasize:

• Their preferences.
• What they CAN stand, even if they don't like it.
• Evaluation of bad actions without linking it to self-worth.

"I prefer getting excellent results at work, but that may not happen all the time, and that's ok."

"It's not the end of the world if the board members don't like my proposal. People have different opinions."

"I'm a fallible human being. I may make mistakes now and then, but that doesn't mean that I'm inadequate. I choose to view my mistakes as learnings for future projects."

In conclusion, embrace your imperfections and focus on what works rather than what's missing, that will take you a long way!!

If you're interested in experiencing the ABCDE model in action, book a free session with me here!

Reference: Ellis, A. & Ellis, D.J. (2011).?Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy.Washington DC: American?Psychological Association.