How to Cross Your Moat.

Why is it that so many people can have all of the right knowledge, skills, and plans in place, yet they still can't execute?

As a Psychotherapist, when I see a lack of execution, I see my client's "Moat". This is my definition:

Moats are the gaps between our current self and our best self.

Moats exist because we engage in avoidant behaviours. This avoidance prevents us from crossing to the greater side, where we can meet our best selves.

Some real-life examples of moats:

• You had a comfortable deadline to deliver your program. Yet you procrastinated and now are running two weeks late.
• You believe that it's a great idea to network with a number of key people in your organisation. Yet you just can't bring yourself to reach out.
• You want to share your thought leadership at the company's next event. Yet you kept your hand down when the chair asked for speakers.
• You want to say "no" to taking on new projects because you are overworked. Yet for some reason you just said yes.
• Three months ago you decided that you deserve a 10% raise. Yet you still haven't approached your boss.

Understanding the Moat: The Formula

Moats are not an external force that happens to us; they are avoidant behaviours that we choose to engage in. The emphasis here is on the existential word "choose".

Why do we choose to build moats that prevent us from self-actualising? The answer lies in a simple formula that I use with my clients:

Cognitions x Emotions = Behaviour

Any behaviour you demonstrate, including avoidant behaviour, is the result of an interplay between your cognitions and emotions.

Often, we are not aware of some of the cognitions and emotions we are experiencing; yet they are present, influencing this multiplication formula that can produce the avoidant behaviour (the uncrossable moat).

This formula explains why we can have all of the knowledge, skills, and plans we need, yet we're still not able to execute.

Remember this: execution is as much about an individual's psychological processes (the "mental game") as it is about skills.

The Strategy: Self-Awareness

The key strategy to overcoming avoidant behaviour is to raise your awareness. Specifically:

• Awareness of your cognitions (including attitudes, beliefs, and core values)
• Awareness of your primary emotions (e.g. fear, sadness, or shame) and how these create secondary emotions (e.g. anger or contempt)

You might be wondering: why is awareness so important to overcoming my moat?

Because awareness highlights our avoidant patterns and allows us to take corrective action. Awareness erases our cognitive and emotional blind spots. Awareness shows us who we really are and what we really want - our existential needs.

This clarity generates intrinsic motivation to become our best selves, even if that way is littered with difficulty or pain.

Tactics: Awareness-Raising

Here are some ways you can raise your awareness:

• Seek honest feedback from colleagues, friends, and family; specifically, ask them to share behaviours of yours which they believe represent a blind spot for you. Identify common themes and reflect on these.
• Identify and sharpen your core values as a way to support your crossing of the moat.
• Use a Psychotherapist who is trained in awareness-raising interventions.

So the next time you identify your own moat, I hope this information helps you begin to cross it safely.

Wishing you a wonderful weekend ahead.

I am a Psychotherapist and the director of Intermind. I help individuals, couples, and families overcome their mental health and relationship challenges, using evidence-based psychotherapy. I am also a Mental Health speaker, and host of the podcast The Brief Therapist with Tom Skotidas.