How to create a better “yes” by saying “no”

The truth is – saying “yes” might be hurting rather than helping you as a leader

There’s a big difference between a good decision and making the best decision. And that difference may well hinge on a strategically placed “NO”. As the CEO of a large and successful non-profit organisation and mum of two under 6, those who know me well might raise an eyebrow at the idea of me penning an article on the importance of saying 'no.' After all, I've built my leadership, and life, philosophy on a foundation of enthusiasm, a love for challenges, a love of people and a perpetual fear of missing out (FOMO). Just as my eyes are often bigger than my stomach, my eagerness can sometimes outpace my capacity.

However, as the social media landscape is flooded with New Year resolutions, and people pledging to embrace healthy eating, positive self-talk, and ‘sky before screens’ (I like that one!), it got me thinking. What about the habits we should leave behind in the old year? For me, and perhaps for many leaders like myself, the resounding answer is a commitment to saying 'yes' less often.

If you were to ask my husband, my closest friends, or even my (lifesaving) Executive Assistant what one thing I need to leave behind in 2023, they would all echo the same sentiment: saying 'yes' too frequently. It's a common affliction among leaders – the urge to be the superhero who can handle it all. We say 'yes' out of a sense of duty, fear of disappointing, or the desire to prove our capabilities.

The high price of blindly saying yes, is getting higher

Jeff Walker's words resonate deeply: "Every YES must be defended by a thousand NO's." Each affirmative response carries a cost, not just in terms of time and energy, but in the opportunities we forego by spreading ourselves too thin. In a world where multitasking is praised, the true price of saying 'yes' to everything becomes clearer when we consider what we risk saying 'no' to, every time.

So, in 2024, I've committed to making a habit out of saying 'no.' It's not about becoming an obstructionist leader; rather, it's a strategic move to ensure that every 'yes' I utter makes the most effective, efficient, and strategic use of my time, skills, and capacity. As F. Matthias Alexander wisely noted, "People do not decide their futures; they decide their habits and their habits decide their futures." So, what might the future look like if we, as leaders, start saying 'no' more than we say 'yes'?

By cultivating the habit of discerning between the valuable 'yes' and the costly 'yes,' leaders can become the architects, rather than the passengers, of their futures. Saying 'no' to the extraneous, opens the door to focusing on what truly matters – strategic initiatives, high-impact projects, and meaningful collaborations. It allows leaders to nurture a culture of intentionality, where decisions are made with purpose rather than haste.

Consider the domino effect of habitually well-considered "no's":

ü? enhanced decision-making

ü? improved work-life balance

ü? sharper focus on our core competencies.

Most would say yes to that but It's not just about what we gain; it's about what we protect. Our future as leaders, and the futures of our organisations and those we lead, is shaped by the habits we cultivate today.

Will you join me in the resolution to say “no” more often in 2024? Consider these 3 steps.

Have a think before you reflexively say yes to that one and take a moment to reflect on where you might need to start saying 'no.'

1.???? What tasks, commitments, or projects are draining your energy without contributing to your core objectives or core purpose?

2.???? Consider the positive impacts this shift can bring to your leadership style, your team dynamics, and your overall effectiveness.

3.???? Now, imagine a future where your 'yes' carries weight and significance because it's not diluted by a sea of unnecessary commitments.

In a world that glorifies the constant hustle, let’s not forget that leadership effectiveness is not about how much you can cram into your schedule but rather about the impact you can make with what you choose to prioritise.

Here’s to saying “no” more, and “yes” less, in 2024.