HOW TO CREATE THAT ALL-IMPORTANT FIRST IMPRESSION

It is the first day of term next year.

You have been appointed Head of Department in a new school – your first promotion position!

You are about to lead your new team in their first staff meeting of the year!

You are terrified.

You have met some of them, of course. At the whole-staff pre-term drinks the night before. They seemed, well, nice enough.

But today feels different. You are terrified, and feel as though you are on trial.

Because you are.

So how are you going to make that all important first impression? You have dressed thoughtfully – smart but not flashy. Your mirror said you look like a Head of Department. Now all you need to do is go in and act the part. Become the Head of Department – in your presence, your gravitas, and especially in the way you speak.

Forbes contributor Rachel Wells, who coaches millennials and Gen Z for management and leadership roles, says you should Use these 3 powerful phrases to sound like a confident leader (in Forbes, 20 Nov 23).

?It’s time. Be still, my beating heart! ?You take a deep breath, stand, light up your smile, and begin.

Wells points out that we all have leaders whom we admire for some aspect of their personality and leadership style. They have an aura, a presence about them, she says, and ?when they walk into a room and speak, people immediately pay attention, as well as valuing and listening to their opinions and thoughts.

But this doesn't come by accident, Wells reassures you, explaining that their presence, their apparent confidence, the authority they convey, are the result of years of honing and crafting their unique voice, as well as expressions of their own unique personality. Members of their team come over time to esteem what these leaders bring to the table and view them as highly credible and trustworthy in their respective areas of responsibility.

And it can be the same for you! Whether in a middle management position or a more senior role as an executive staff member, Wells affirms, there are some essential elements of a leadership persona that you need to develop and refine, including your mindset, skills, experience, and particularly your vocabulary, if you desire to be taken seriously and have more opportunities open to you.

Many times, especially early in our leadership journey, we second-guess ourselves, Wells cautions, and thus cause others to lose faith and confidence in us because we unintentionally hurt our chances of success through the words we use. We tend to over-apologise; we are reluctant or refuse to take credit for our career accomplishments; and as a result, our words betray uncertainty. By contrast, confident leaders change their vocabulary, she adds, and choose never to downplay or to second-guess themselves.

If you're assuming a leadership role or plan to in the near future, Wells continues, there are three key phrases that need to be ditched from your vocabulary and replaced with more assertive and confident phrases.

?Firstly, ditch I’m not sure, and substitute: ??????

"I'm Not Sure, But..."??????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? Saying, “I'm not sure” and leaving the phrase as it is causes you to lose confidence in yourself, Wells counsels. What is worse, your loss of confidence fosters impostor syndrome, where you are more capable than you think you are but you don't believe it yourself. Often, when someone asks us a question on the spot, Wells goes on, we actually do have the answer or at least have the resources for the answer, but we are thrown into a state of alarm and confusion because we are scared of getting it wrong and embarrassing ourselves, which is totally understandable.

The most important thing to remember here, however, she continues, is that as a leader, you're not expected to know everything. You are not expected to be the subject matter expert in?all?things, especially not if it is your first day in your new school! Wells encourages you to be comfortable in delegating and finding resources that can boost your knowledge and operational expertise, so that if one of your new team members asks you a question in that first meeting we were talking about earlier, and your mind goes blank or you do not know the answer there and then, Wells suggests you can say: I'm not sure, but I can definitely check and find out for you, and I'll get back to you by Monday.

Do you see what's different with this phrasing? Wells asks. This improved way of saying "I'm not sure" still keeps you in control of the situation and eliminates any need for you to feel any embarrassment. As a classroom teacher, on your way to middle management, how did you answer a student who asked you a question to which you did not know the answer. You probably said something like, I'm not sure, but I can definitely check and find out for you, and I'll get back to you by Monday. Didn’t you? It is OK to adopt the same strategy in a staff meeting. Just make sure you get back to your questioner by Monday!

By adopting this approach too, Wells asserts, you demonstrate that you are an eager learner, and are self-aware enough to recognise where there are gaps in your knowledge and are willing to rectify them promptly, while adding a deadline that ensures you can be counted on.

Secondly, ditch Does that make sense? and substitute:

"I Look Forward To Hearing Your Thoughts"

Sometimes when we're explaining ourselves and want to make sure the other person fully understands a process or concept, Wells reminds you, we will say, “Does that make sense?” But, this is another way we cast self-doubt on something we've just said, Wells avers. She suggests the best way to ensure the other person has understood what you've relayed, is to say, I look forward to hearing your thoughts. You can also ask, What are your thoughts on that? Or, Let me know if you need further clarification. In other words, by putting the onus on them to confirm they have understood, you remain looking strong and authoritative where they then have the responsibility to embrace and understand the concept or idea you are presenting.

Finally, ditch, Sorry, can I just interrupt there? and substitute:

"Here's My Perspective"

As noted earlier, our innate desire not to be noticed or not to appear to be over-assertive or rude, we tend to over-apologise, often in situations that do not require apologising for, such as when you are just affirming your presence or for voicing your opinions. How many times have you noticed yourself saying in a meeting, “Sorry, can I just chime in there?”, Wells asks you.

Beginning your contribution with "Sorry" before announcing that you'd like to share your view, especially when you are supposed to be leading the meeting, gives you the appearance of being timid, Wells believes. She suggests you should show your assertiveness by replacing this phrase with, "Here's my perspective." Or you could say, "I'd like to chime in here and add..." she advises.

Another great way to introduce your perspective, Wells offers, while at the same time encouraging a broader range of opinions, is to say, "What if we ___?" This inclusive ‘we’ helps to bind you to the team, signals that you value their individual contributions, and above all, prompts a conversation that opens up further exploration and discussion within your group and welcomes fresh perspectives, as well as your own.

Let Wells have the last word:

As you grow in your leadership and career development journey, you'll begin to notice that making these simple but subtle changes to your vocabulary will boost your overall confidence, which in turn will reflect in your performance in your work, and cement your personal presence and stance as a leader to be reckoned with.

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