How Covid-19 Re-shaped Our Relationships

Almost without our knowing, two weeks turned into twenty months.

It’s hard to put into words how the last 600+ days have changed us as people and as a society. We may never fully understand what it is that we lost, but we can feel its aftermath.

It happened in waves for me. First, I missed the big things; my family and friends, the busy evenings with activities and swimming lessons with my son. I missed my normal. The routines I’d come to depend on. But as time went on, it was the little things that started to pull at me the most. I missed friendly chatter on the GO train to Toronto, small talk with people in the elevators, and the sense of having a place in this world, other than in front of my computer screen. Although life has largely returned to ‘normal’ for much of the world, there’s a persistent vibration of restlessness that many can’t seem to shake. The energy we are experiencing is rooted in what we lost; our affinity to one another and it’s being felt on a global scale.

Belonging

The human brain is hardwired to motivate us toward belonging and connection. In fact, recent research in neuroscience indicates that social needs are actually managed by the same neural networks as primary survival needs, including food or water. In other words, whether someone identifies as introverted or extroverted, the need for acceptance and inclusion is universal.

Belonging is defined as a unique and subjective experience that relates to a yearning for connection with others, the need for positive regard and the desire for interpersonal connection. A sense of belonging does not depend on participation with or proximity to others or groups. Instead, it’s actually reliant on quality, meaning and satisfaction with social connections.

It’s why we left zoom meetings and virtual social functions exhausted and detached. Although programs and workplace functions largely moved online, there was a missing link; that human connection. In our most vulnerable state, we were able to see where our workplace culture was falling short. We were always connected but we became staunchly aware of the fact that those relationships were not nourishing in ways that we once knew.

In many ways, this feeling of disconnectedness is comparable to hollow diversity and inclusion programs that focus on providing a seat at the table, rather than demolishing barriers that prevent minority employees from gaining access to opportunities. If the issue were as simple as finding a place where you’re accepted, there wouldn’t be this reluctance from workforces around the globe to return to a pre-covid normal. What isolation did was teach us how much we crave and desire deep and meaningful connections. In our solitude, many of us realized that what we missed was something we never actually had.

According to McKinsey Quarterly , the top three factors employees cited as reasons for quitting were that they didn’t feel valued by their organization (54%) or their managers (52%) or because they didn’t feel a sense of belonging at work (51%). There are consequences behind the numbers. Struggling to find your footing at work increases the risk of alienation, burnout, self-sabotage, and underperformance.

Employees feel like they do not belong in the workplace and struggle to be their authentic selves at work. Consequently, this lowers workplace satisfaction, increases feelings of purposelessness and results in employees quitting their jobs. Simply put, the environment created at workplaces affects not only the brand's bottom line but also the longevity of employment contracts, ingenuity, and company growth.

The good news is these numbers are not fixed. We can change and override the structural norms in workplaces and broader society that normalize selectivity and exclusion. It starts by making things personal. To close the gap, workplaces should focus on making employees connected and provide opportunities for each member to contribute to meaningful work outcomes.

What we know is that belonging is not a program, policy or an initiative; it’s a relationship that you foster each and every day and a culture that you can create by focusing on the little things. Because it’s the little things we always miss.