How Courtesy Can Be Situational Across Cultures

We were once hosting some of our friends for dinner. At the time, our daughter was around 6 years old. As she buzzed around enjoying the attention from all the grown ups, especially accepting gifts, I was constantly prompting her to say "please" and "thank you" whenever appropriate. It was then I was asked directly by one of our Polish friends;

"Why are you making her say that all the time?"

I explained of course that it was just the way I was brought up. It was something that was always drummed into us as kids. No matter where or when, you expressed courtesy and appreciation. Our friend then went on to say that it was unusual for him, as our daughter was in her own home, so he didn't feel there was a reason for her to express these courtesies to him in that particular setting.

Ever since then, I've come to observe when and where people display explicit courtesy. Sometimes it is vocalized, other times it's a physical expression. In some cultures, there is no need for either. It may simply be assumed. The important thing is to gauge your own visceral reaction when you see a practice that does not match the way you were taught. Many times, it is a purely cultural thing. One client, a recent arrival in the USA, asked me "Tell me Brett, why is it that when I get in an elevator with a complete stranger, they ask me how I am doing. Am I supposed to answer them? What is the protocol?" The discomfort of such interactions that are different to what you are used to can catch you unaware. This is about embracing situational difference. It can be especially pronounced when cultural differences are at play.

Take advantage of these time as a reminder that even in the smallest of interactions, the opportunity for your own growth by expanding your cultural competency is all around you. Test your assumptions. Question your biases. Explore the reasons for your reactions. Consider using them to prompt discussions with your hosts. It can show a genuine curiosity to understand just what might be their preference for day to day interactions.