HOW COULD HE END IT AFTER A MAJOR BREAK-THROUGH???
Oout of the blue during one of my sessions Dr. Pogany said, “isn’t it time we talked about your mother?” I thought this was a bold move. I told him during all my years of therapy with various therapists that I never really talked about her. I said that he would need a pic-axe to break through all my resistance. On the way home from that session, I started thinking about what Dr. Pogany said. Of course, my creative juices started “kicking in”.
I ordered a fake pic-axe and a lump of real coal that came in a beautiful light blue box with a white bow on the top of it. The box looked like it came directly out of Tiffany’s. I thought of Dr. Pogany as the coal miner going into the dark tunnels of my mind, searching, and probing with his pic-axe, little by little chipping away at me. When I came into the next session, I handed him both the pic-axe and the blue box which contained the coal.
He laid the pic-axe on the table behind him and opened the box. He said “it’s coal” I explained what the meaning behind my bringing in these things was. He took one look at me, made one fell swoop right out of his chair to the table behind him, picked up the pic-axe, handed it to me and said, “start chipping away”. I sat startled and frightened and said to him “I don’t know where to begin; I need help.” Ironically, I looked like a little girl in this session. I had my long hair divided into two ponytails that framed my face. I had on a purple striped shirt that looked like a ten-year-old might wear.
Dr. Pogany then told me to remember something about my mother. I sat and tried, for his sake more than mine. I think I wanted to please him. But I also knew that it was important work for myself to be able to do this. A song was coming in my head. I said that I remembered a song. He asked what song and what the words were. I tried harder and remembered it was Helen Reddy’s “You and Me against the World.” At this point I jumped into the other chair in his office. Switching chairs is something I frequently did when I was anxious.
He pressured me to remember the words of the song. I told him that I would look them up and email it to him. He replied, “I won’t read it.” In fact, he complained quite often about all my daily emails and how he was not reading them. But I, the eternally optimist kept on sending them anyway. I tried hard and started coming out with more of the lyrics. As I did, I started welling up with tears. It was the very first time in my life that I had soft and tender feelings for my mother instead of the deep-seated hatred that I usually carried around with me.
At the end of the session, I looked deeply into his eyes and thanked him. I also asked him if I could have a hug. No sooner had I asked than his arms spread open wide, taking all of me into them. It was a moment I will never forget for the rest of my life. I would have a lot of these “unforgettable moments” with him. I went home after the session and looked up the words to the song. I made a copy of the lyrics and brought them into my next session. I gave them to Dr. Pogany. He read them silently. He saw that it was a love song sung by a mother to her child. He asked if my mother ever sang that song to me. I told him that I didn’t remember because I had a lot of suppressed memories because of her severe abuse. I just knew that that song had significance in our relationship. Dr. Pogany asked to keep the paper with the lyrics on it. I told him that he could.
“You and Me Against the World”
You and me against the world,
Sometimes it seems like you and me against the world,
When all the others turn their backs and walked away,
You can count on me to stay.
Remember when the circus came to town
How you were frightened by the clown,
Wasn't it nice to be around someone that you knew,
Someone who was big and strong and looking out for
You and me against the world,
Sometimes it seems like you and me against the world
And for all the times we've cried I always felt that
God was on our side.
And when one of us is gone,
And one of us is left to carry on,
Then remembering will have to do,
Our memories alone will get us through
Think about the days of me and you,
Of you and me against the world.
?When I hear this song, I cry and feel like a little girl all over again. My mother died in November of 2003, my father merely three months after her in February of 2004.
????What I could NEVER UNDERSTAND is why after a major break-through like this (something Dr. Richard Geist NEVER accomplished) he ended the therapy unilaterally in a 2 sentence email because I asked him to seek supervision over what I thought was him burning out???????
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