How To Cope With Wife Having An Affair / Why Does My Wife's Past Bother Me So Much

How to cope with wife having an affair - Why does my wife's past bother me so much.

The pain wrenches through your gut. You can feel a hot ball of lead slipping from your throat into your stomach, as the feelings of loss, betrayal and hopelessness rip through your body. Coping with infidelity seems impossible.

That's about how I would describe the way I felt the day that I learned my wife was having an affair, and I'm guessing that's about how you feel right now.

You see, coping with infidelity is not a one day thing, it takes weeks...Months even sometimes. It all just depends on how you go about it.

Can you imagine feeling the way you do today every single day for the next 60 or 90 days? That sounds pretty awful, doesn't it?

And yet, if you sit and do nothing about these emotions flooding through your body, I can guarantee you that things will only get worse.

You HAVE to learn how to cope with infidelity, and the sooner the better.

When I first learned of my wife's affair, there was one thing that I did that really helped me to funnel all my negative emotions:

I kept a journal.

I know I know, I'm a guy and doesn't that make me super lame, but it worked! And that's what's important.

Here's an exercise that I want you to do the next time you have a free moment (preferably right now):

1. Get a timer of some sort. You can even just use one on your computer, but the point is that you can time yourself.

2. Set the timer for around 2 - 4 minutes, just whatever seems right to you. For your first time there's nothing wrong with just 2 minutes, or 1 minute even.

3. As soon as that timer starts, you start writing everything going through your head. Don't censor it. Don't hold back. Don't think about anything other than getting what's in your head onto the blank paper in front of you.

4. When time's up you set down your pen/pencil and set aside your journal. Go ahead and date the entry if you want.

Now, you see all that stuff you wrote down? We're just going to set it aside right now. Both physically and mentally put the emotions you're feeling away...They'll do you no good now.

5. Any time you feel yourself losing control of your mind, get some quiet time and repeat this drill. I've done this five or six times in a single day before, but do you know what?

It really helped me to control myself.

It kept the emotions at bay...It gave me sanctuary from the pain and anguish that I would otherwise feel. All just from writing in a notebook.

3 Reasons You Are Still Angry and How to Let Go of the Pain After an Affair

If you've just discovered that your partner or spouse has been cheating on you it's natural for you to feel betrayed and angry. But if you hold onto this anger for too long it becomes a crutch, even though you may think you're protecting yourself.

You might think that if you continue to hold on to those angry feelings that it will keep you from being made a fool of again. Or you might think that by displaying your anger that your partner or spouse will see how much they've hurt you and therefore resolve to never do it again.

I'm not saying that you're not supposed to show your spouse or partner that you're angry, but thoughts and feelings like this often reveal hidden reasons why you're angry that you might not consciously be aware of.

1. You're Seeking Special Attention

2. You Want Genuine Remorse from Your Partner or Spouse

3. You Want Assurance

Seeking Special Attention

By constantly displaying your anger you hope to demonstrate to your partner or spouse the pain that the affair caused so you can get the special attention you feel you deserve to help you move on after the affair.

You Want Genuine Remorse from Your Partner or Spouse

You use constant displays of anger to motivate your spouse or partner to dig deep and search for a reason or understanding for their behavior towards you, take full responsibility for it and be truly remorseful and contrite about their actions.

You Want Assurance

The final reason you're angry at your partner or spouse is because you want them to commit to you and promise it will never happen again. You've been through hell and you never want to go through it again and so by emoting anger towards your spouse or partner you hope this will trigger an emotional change on them.

All 3 of these reasons for being angry are justified and fully understandable and are a part of the healing process from an affair. You've been humiliated by them, you want answers and assurances that it will never happen again. You want them to be fully remorseful about their actions and you want to see a change in their habits and behavior to prevent it from happening again. You also want and deserve to be made to feel special, especially after something like this.

However, constant anger is not the path to healing and won't get you the understanding and closure you want. Constant anger will make your partner or spouse defensive and feel like they're being attacked which will cause them to attack back. They will shut down communication and stop showing displays of affection to make you feel loved and appreciated.

Your spouse or partner has a character flaw to overcome which will take time. But in order for healing to take place you need to provide a climate where thoughts and feelings can be freely exchanged and stop treating your partner or spouse as the enemy and start treating them as a friend.

Even though anger feels good it doesn't help or protect you. In reality it only feeds the pain and makes it impossible to move on and find peace.

Find out how to get your spouse to go crazy head over heels for you and desire you in a way you have never experienced! You will be amazed at how good it feels to have your spouse's attention and affection again - Learn more here

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Picking Up The Pieces After Your Wife Cheats

It seems like picking up the pieces to after your wife cheats on you may be wasted effort to many men. If you love your wife and want to save your marriage though it isn't an option. You simple must figure out how to do it. There is one thing that is essential for saving your marriage after your wife cheats. Keep reading to find out what it is and just how effective it is.

Warning! Don't try this at home until after you've clicked the link at the bottom of the article or you'll miss out on some vital information.

First, let's take a look at how you feel about your wife after your wife cheats on you? It's one thing to think about what you would do if that ever happened to you. It's another thing when it does and it is your wife and your marriage that is on the line as a result.

The fact that it is your wife, your marriage, and your future that hinge on what you decide makes this one of the most difficult and important decisions you'll face during the course of your life. Do not make the mistake of taking it lightly or thinking that whatever is done with your decision can be easily undone should you change your mind.

Deciding to work things out after your wife cheats is a noble course of action. For some marriages it is the only logical answer. For other marriages though there is no shame in deciding to take a step back or even to walk away. The choice must be yours though and one that you are willing to live with once you make it.

But picking up the pieces after your wife cheats isn't necessarily a simple choice to make either. It's going to take more than a will power to make it happen and you may second guess yourself more than once along the way. Stick to your guns and follow the advice you find by clicking the link below for amazing results that are designed to last.

So, what's the one step that you absolutely must take to save your marriage after your wife cheats?

You have to forgive. Forgiveness in this instance isn't limited to your wife. You must forgive yourself as well. There is enough blame to go around at times like this but holding on to blame, carrying around guilt, and pointing fingers does no one any good at all.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was. Click here to save your marriage and rebuild it into a more connected, satisfying relationship.

If you’re on the verge of divorce… Or if your spouse is cheating on you… Or if your marriage JUST PLAIN ISN’T WORKING… I strongly urge you to read everything on the next page before it's too late and time runs out- Click Here