How to cope with a toxic boss

57% people who completed my recent LinkedIn survey on “why they left their last job” said it was because of a toxic boss! So the chances are, you will find yourself in this situation at some point. So how do you cope:

1.??Take a look in the mirror. The one thing that you can always influence is yourself. How you respond and how you behave. Is there anything you have noticed that gets a bad reaction or a good reaction that you can work on to try and improve the relationship with your boss?

2.??What do they need from you? What sort of manager are they and what do they need? We know that most bad management / behaviour tends to be rooted in fear or personal insecurity. Is there something they have asked for several times? Maybe something that you don’t see the point in e.g. filling in another spreadsheet. There may be a reason / pressure being applied from elsewhere that means they need something that you don’t see as priority.

3.??There could be a simple personality clash. There are people we work with that we would never choose to spend time with in any other circumstance. Can you find any common ground, even for a small amount of personal conversation to improve the relationship? If there is little common ground, can you talk to them about some ways of working so that you are both clear on what is needed / expected.

4.??Get some feedback from colleagues, they may have some observations that you haven’t noticed, and that could help you get perspective on what is going wrong. Try to avoid the temptation to bad mouth this person. It is very tempting but it can be dangerous and puts you in a weaker position if things escalate.

5.??If you are dealing with an overt bully this is very different, this behaviour is less accepted than it has been in days gone by, but it can still happen. In this scenario you need to be as assertive as?you can without being rude when the situation arises and then enlist some help particularly if there are witnesses. A first step would be a 1:1 conversation explaining the behaviour and how it made you feel. If this does not work then you have the option of a formal complaint but in reality this is time to start looking for another job.

6.??Remember, it is very rarely just about you. In most cases there are lot of things going on for the manager and a range of reasons why you find yourself in the firing line.

7.??A key thing is to find ways to look after yourself, get some exercise, eat well and do other social activities so that you don’t run yourself down and become completely focused on problems at work.

8.??Keep a list of the things you achieve each day (this can become very valuable if you decide to leave) to remind yourself of what you are delivering despite the negativity. This is also useful for evidence for performance reviews and CVs.

9.??Set a time limit for things to improve and if they don’t, start a plan to find a new role. A coach or trusted friend can be really helpful to support you here.

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Remember this has happened to a lot of people and you are not alone.