How To Cope With Rejection
Francine Favret
Master Coach & Mentor in Transformation, Leadership & Alignment ?I help others find their way back to love, to life, and to themselves. ??I turn life’s pain into purpose, showing others how to rebuild, realign, and rise.
We have all experienced rejection at some point in our life, and it can be one of the most painful experiences that a person can go through.
I've felt it in relationships, as an artist, and even back in my corporate career.
Going way back...remembering kindergarten, I recall an innocent event yet painful when two friends paired up and left me out of the circle. Then, of course, I made it about me. Something must be wrong with me. Such a small event crippled me for so many years because I created a story and beliefs to back it. I'm not worthy, and something must be wrong with me.
When dealing with rejection, it's usually situations in which you feel something about yourself that's inadequate, inappropriate, or unwanted.
When we believe that something is wrong or bad about us, and it's the reason for the rejection, we slip into shame and make that shame worse by starting to beat ourselves up. And then the loop of pain begins to be more intense by doing so.
It's a slippery slope. Here is why.
We think that accepting that something is wrong will cause us to change something about ourselves to be valued one day. Can we all tweak things about ourselves? Yes, of course. However, if you reject yourself in the process, it can cause more hurt.
It backfires when we begin to find fault and kick ourselves when we're already down for perceived shortcomings. We often go into trying to prove our worth and strongly need validation from others. So many people do this without even having the awareness. It's human, and if this is something you experience, there is nothing wrong with you. It's how the brain gets wired to help you survive in life - how brilliant is that!
Brilliant, yet still painful. I know.
But here's the deal, the most profound need of the physical human is closeness and connection.
Think about it. Humans are designed and wired to maintain closeness with the tribe biologically. Our survival depends on it.
So it would stand to reason that the deepest pain is to be pushed away by someone or a group. But, unfortunately, it often causes us to go into fight or flight mode. Doubt our value, fear that we may never get our needs met, and feel incredibly lonely.
And when our self-esteem dips because we feel rejected, to bypass the pain of more rejection of inadequacy, we tend to isolate ourselves.
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We also become angry because we feel powerless and frustrated trying to become whatever we believe would make us lovable.
Having self-awareness helps you become the observer, so you are no longer the judge.
Trying to get rid of the need for social acceptance isn't the answer either. As mentioned, the wiring for connection and belonging is a human design. However, you can recognize this need within yourself and respond to that need. Being gentle and having acceptance of yourself is a step toward softening the blow of feeling rejected.
What makes all the difference in recovery is how you deal with that pain.
If you suppress, deny, ignore or bulldoze emotions, you will only amplify the problem.
Having feelings does not make you weak. On the contrary, it's quite the opposite. So admit to how you feel and be gentle with yourself.
If you need help with this, please reach out.
Have a beautiful day being the magnificent and incredible light you are in this world.
Francine xo