From a psychological standpoint, most people have persuasion all wrong.
The problem with how we try to convince people is that we use skills from debate. Debating is not meant to convince either party of anything.
Debating is meant to result in a winner and a loser and convince the audience on a particular topic.
Thinking you can use debate techniques to convince someone of your viewpoint in a one-on-one interaction is always wrong.
Debate techniques will trigger defensiveness and result in you wasting your time in the interaction.
To truly change someone's mind or influence how they think, you need to use psychological techniques that account for defensiveness.
I will walk you through the optimal way to persuade from a psychological standpoint:
- Start by matching them emotionally. If they are angry, ramp up your anger; if they are discouraged, ramp that up. This will allow you to build rapport, which is important for the next step.
- Diminish your emotionality to a more neutral place and apologize for getting so angry or discouraged. "Hey, sorry, sometimes when I think about the way your department is treated, I get really frustrated."
- This will often lead to them doing something similar; they will defuse emotionally and even potentially apologize as well.
- Now you have a secure base for persuasion. You both are feeling connected after sharing a specific emotion, but now you have shifted to a more neutral state.
- Now ask for understanding. It is key to hold respect and assume they have a good reason for thinking the way they do. Ask them why. "Help me understand why it's better to make Tik Tok our only marketing strategy for the year."
- As they explain and you see gaps in their logic, you will want to jump in and tell them how wrong they are. Do not do this. Refrain; this will ruin all the work you have done so far.
- As you see, gaps instead showcase confusion. "I'm confused about why other marketing strategies aren't good; could you help me understand why?"
- Ask them to educate you on all the gaps you see in their arguments.
- Repeat back what they are saying in a succinct phrase "It sounds like you think betting on the most popular social media platform will allow us to create the most growth for the year, this makes a lot of sense to me."
- Now, you have finally come to the point at which you can share your view. But first, ask for permission to share your view. "Wow, thanks for helping me understand all this, would it be okay to share my point of you with you?"
- As you share your view and supporting data, make sure to start by acknowledging theirs. "It looks like you did a lot of research on Tik Tok marketing; I've also read that it's helpful to diversify marketing strategy."
- Ask them if they understand your point of view: "Yeah, it sounds like you think A, but would you be open to considering B?"
This is finally where all the previous steps pay off. You spent significant time and effort trying to understand their point of view and treating them with respect. As humans tend to be highly reciprocal, they will typically do the same for you.
Now you have created the environment for the highest likelihood of persuasion.
As you can see, with 12 steps, this is not a fast process. But remember, this is one of those times in which you go slow to go fast. Most people will fail at persuasion because they are impatient and don't understand how to build the proper foundation.
